Under The Shade Of Love

It was that particular time of the year, and it was our anniversary.12years with Desmond was never a child's play.

We have been through a lot in our marital lives. Firstly, the issue of us not having a child to start with. This very problem broke me, each time I got to see the kids of our relatives, friends and immediate family members.

"Why was I singled out for pain alone?"

I would keep asking myself.

I remember my mother inlaw, threatening to throw me out of my own matrimonial home, and force my love., My darling husband, Desmond. To get married to another woman. According to her, "someone who is promising Enough to bear him children, and not a barren woman like me".

Desmond never fell to all of these. He understood children were gifts from God, and as such, he shouldn't question God. I married as a tear-rubber wife (virgin), and so, there wasn't any way I could be blamed for playing with my womb or ovaries in the past.

Desmond, stood tall protecting me all this time. He never for once hurt me, yelled at me, or blamed me for my inability to bear him a child, or children.

Instead, he loved me the more and protected my interest too.

Desmond was indeed the kind of man every woman would desire. He was everything loving, faithful, honest, understanding, caring and lots more. On days like this, when we had our anniversaries earlier back, to the initial years of our marriage.

Desmond would make sure to come back home earlier than usual. Sometimes before 3 pm, just to assist me in preparing his Favourite meal.

He would walk into the house unannounced, come all the way to the kitchen, where I'm always at, doing something as regards our meal.

He would hug me from behind, planting sweet kisses all the way from my neck to my cheek, and other sensitive areas too.

He would ask in his usual manner.,

"What may I do to help you out, my Queen?" _he would say with his usual broad smile, revealing his perfect dentition., With hands gesturing what his mouth had said seconds back.

And I, in turn, would smile. And tell him.

"Whatever thou mayest wish to do, I'm okay with it".

With that, he would lift me up, and spin me around. He would assist me in cooking, then together we would take our cold shower, with hot kisses and bodies touching, as the droplets of water ran down our body like chills down our spine.

After that, we would dine, and wine. Put on some music and dance to the rhythm. We would talk about every amazing thing about ourselves, and being the man., He would woo me again, just like he did the first time we met.

We would seal the celebration with hot explicit s-x that night. Body touching body, heart to heart, soul to soul, mind, harbouring same thoughts with the other.

Mouths, releasing sweet tender kisses to each other.

In fact, today's anniversary was so different. It has been different for 5years.

Desmond stopped doing the usual to me. No calls, no text, no surprises, no gifts anymore.

I don't know where all these came from, I don't know how it happened either. Just woke up one day after so many years of marriage, and I discovered the person I married ain't the same anymore.

Today being our anniversary, was supposed to be the happiest day of the year for me, but it was always the saddest. Yes! It has always been for 5 years now.

Today, as usual, Desmond was meant to come home earlier and give me a surprising back hug, offer to help me, carry me, spin around and all that... Plant kisses on my face., But no!

Nothing of this sort was done to me.

I went all alone to the kitchen, did the dishes myself, cooked our Favourite meal, dished it all out.

Took the shower alone, and not with him as usual.

I went on to prepare him too, so he would join me. And together we walked to the dining table, with me holding him tightly to my side as always. He was meant to hold me too, but he didn't. He was unresponsive to my romantic appeals.

I helped him sit as I did the same too.

"Hey darling, I prepared our Favourite meal to mark our twelfth year anniversary. I hope you like and enjoy it as always, ".__i said.

Desmond didn't give me a word still. For 5years, he stopped eating my meals. He probably didn't find our anniversary meal appetising too.

I went over to him, kissing him and caressing his skin too, hoping he did the same to me.

But he didn't respond. I wasn't even able to get my own husband on, in the mood to touch me too and together we head for the Wonderlands.

"A lot has changed about you., I wish we could go back to those years when you were ever loving and caring. Sincerely I miss the old you"

I said as I kissed him tenderly on his succulent lips. Desmond didn't respond to my advances still.,

Why?

He was long gone. It's been five whole years since his death, and ever since then, I never wanted to wake up to the reality that he was dead. I would wake up, bathe and dress his corps up.

I would talk to him, even though he never responded. I just couldn't bury him yet. The love we shared was too strong for me to counter it.

I miss the old times.

I miss Desmond's love and sweet kisses.

He is my only family now since we have no children. And I'm not ready to give him up yet for the burial rites.

I wish I could wish you back to life., My darling Desmond.

14 Jan. 2021, A Candidly Published Notes