Really, can ChickenJoy generate joy? After eating the famous Jolly Spaghetti, would I feel jolly? As I made my way to my nearest Jollibee, ready to devour their entire menu, these are the questions that emerged.
Jollibee is a Filipino specialty fast food restaurant, founded in 1975 in the Philippines and making its way stateside in 1998, for those who have not had the pleasure. There are now over 30 U.S. locations in the growing chain—from Los Angeles to New York City—and it is not slowing down anytime soon.
On a search to try every menu item and rate them, I ventured to a Jollibee. After spending an hour and a hundred dollars, I sampled everything from breakfast to the popular chicken chain and frosty desserts. The findings, ranked from least delicious to most delicious, are here.
Jolly Hot Dog
I almost skipped buying it, and maybe it was for the best. The mystery of the grated cheese was gritty, the banana ketchup was a little too sweet for me, and the beef hot dog lacked flavor and any form of grill marks on its own. Also, the bun had no good characteristics; it was a tasteless piece of white bread. Then again, I don't know how many people go directly to Jollibee for hot dogs. I realize that I won't.
Buttered Corn
A bowl of corn tossed with melted butter is just what it sounds like. It tastes more like butter than corn, but I'm not complaining about that. It's a good side dish, but it really makes the other sides better.
Two-Piece Burger Steak
In essence, this dish looked like a subpar version of the Swedish meatballs from Ikea. It came with two thin patties sprinkled with a generous helping of mushrooms that were a little rubbery. A lighter, runnier mushroom gravy was ladled over the patties. As if it had been microwaved, it tasted. For me, this dish was monotonous—in both colour and taste.
Buko Pandan Pearl Cooler
This slushie-like drink is somewhat reminiscent of an Icea, but sadly the mark was somewhat missed. It was a little watery and it was rough on the tapioca pearls. I was really excited about the Pandan flavor—which is like the vanilla of Southeast Asia—but it just wasn't enough.
Ube Pearl Cooler
This was a small step above the pearl cooler buko pandan. The pearls were still hard, and for my taste, the whole thing was a little too icy, but the ube flavor—which comes from sweet purple yams widely used in Philippine desserts—was prominent and delicious. The taste was decent overall, but the textures were not.
Adobo Rice
I wanted a stronger flavour of adobo—more vinegar, more spices, more garlic—but it just tasted like a very peppery rice instead. Small pork bits were scattered throughout, which was a beautiful, meaty touch. It was an enjoyable part, but some of the flavors that make adobo so unique were missing.
Mashed Potatoes
These whipped potatoes are a little bit more runny than the usual mashed potatoes for Thanksgiving. The gravy drizzled on the potatoes offers the creaminess of the potatoes with a sweet, salty balance. The texture is all one note, that being said: smooth, loose, and, frankly, what you would expect for fast-food mashed potatoes.
French Fries
These taste just like your average, run-of-the-mill fast food fries, for comparison, which means that they're healthy, hot, crispy fries. But nice fries at the end of the day are only just fries. I'm here for all the Filipino hits, not the usual french fries that were formerly frozen.
Big Yum
The Big Yum is the cheeseburger version of Jollibee, which comes with lettuce, onion, Cheddar cheese, and plain ketchup, not banana. Actually, the meat is juicy, but I considered this burger to be blander than their other offerings and less seasoned. It's more of a Yum-Medium.
Beef Tenders
This dish is a staple of the breakfast menu and features bite-sized strips of seasoned meat all topped with an egg with a mound of garlic rice. The beef tenders were a little salted and dry, but I enjoyed the garlic rice with which it came (rice for breakfast everyday, please). It was filling, but on the breakfast menu, not my favorite item. That being said, I will have it again,
Ice Cream Sundae
Who doesn't love a sundae with ice cream? It tastes like what a McDonald's ice cream sundae would taste like if McDonald's ever had an ice cream machine running. Great is the chocolate sauce on top—fudgy, soft, and delightful. No grievances here!
Pork Sausage
This is also part of the breakfast menu of Jollibee, and comes with two scooped sausages, garlic rice, and another hard-cooked potato. This sausage is juicy and spicy and has a consistency like a kielbasa to it. While on their menu it is known as a hot dog and not longanisa — typical Filipino-style breakfast sausage — it seems to be a riff on the latter. What more could you want from breakfast? Sausage, egg, and rice. My only wish is for them to cook their fried eggs more smoothly. No one likes the yolk of a grey, powdery egg.
Aloha Yum Burger
The Aloha Yum Burger has all the goodness of the Yum burger but with a big ole ring of pineapple too. And as we all know, pineapple is good with savory things (like on pizza, I will not be silenced!). This burger's patty is much more juicy and better-seasoned, too.
Sweet Pork
I was reminded of lap cheong, or Chinese sausage, by that sweet pork breakfast. It is known in the Philippines as tocino—or bacon cured in salt and sugar. Texturally, the pork is similar to jerky, but the meat is coated with a sweet, sticky marinade that suits the garlic rice perfectly in terms of taste. For good measure, it is eaten with a fried egg as well.
Jolly Spaghetti
A medley of spaghetti noodles, ground beef, sliced hot dogs and a very sweet sauce made from banana ketchup is the legendary Jolly Spaghetti. It's not almost as sweet as I figured it would be, and it's filling and hearty. In the Philippines, I understand why this is a staple party fare. It's delicious, and they don't know what the naysayers who disagree with banana ketchup are talking about.
Fiesta Noodles
The pancit palabok, also known as "Fiesta Noodles," is a Filipino noodle dish that comes in a shrimp sauce with a variety of toppings, such as shrimp, ground meat, hard-boiled eggs, and green onions, and is tossed together. This variation, both flavor-wise and texturally, was made with glass noodles and had a lot going on. There were a few crunchy pieces of chicharron, a lot of wet noodles, shrimp, pork, and eggs, and all the lemon juice you're supposed to drizzle over and blend together is served. All the heaviness is cut through by the acidity and makes the pancit palabok a delicious, healthy dish.
Corned Beef
Corned beef can be awesome, particularly the kind of canned beef studded with bits of cubed potatoes. With slivers of soft-cooked onions floating in the juicy, salty beef, this one is reminiscent of that. This is a breakfast match made in heaven, with garlic rice (and an egg).
Halo-Halo
A staple Filipino dessert—consisting of ice cream, ice, various beans, a flan, and jellies—was delicious with this fast food. Halo-Halo loosely translates to "mix-mix," which, as you dive into the frozen cake, is sort of what you end up doing. I enjoyed the mixture of ube ice cream, jellies, beans—a mixture of mung, garbanzo, and white beans—on the rim, and flan in particular. People who say that beans are not part of desserts obviously never had Halo-Halo.
Breakfast ChickenJoy
This is Jollibee's best meal, and, frankly, are you even surprised? Here's the right way to start your day: fried chicken, gravy, garlic rice, egg... what else would you need? Complementing each other, all the components of this breakfast platter form the hearty breakfast of your dreams together.
Chicken Sandwich
I love a good chicken sandwich, and this one blows other fast-food chicken sandwiches out of the water absolutely (except maybe the viral chicken sandwich from Popeyes, which deserves the hype and acclaim it gets). It doesn't taste like a fast-food joint might have made it. The bread is soft, but it holds up well, the lettuce is crunchy and fresh, and the chicken is generous. Plus, a generous layer of mayonnaise covers the entire thing, which is the ideal condiment for a fried chicken sandwich, as we all know.
Peach Mango Pie
I'm going to say this: it's the ultimate fast food pie. While the filling was a wonderful, gooey combination of mango and peaches, the exterior was equal parts flaky and buttery. I tasted a little more peach than mango, but I was definitely not mad at it. It's tropical, tasty, and encased in a fried shell that's completely crispy. Any day of the week, I'd take the pie over McDonald's classic apple.
Chicken Dippers
For children and adults alike, these chicken dippers, which are essentially boneless tenders, are fine. These tenders, similar to the chicken sandwich, were juicy and had a lovely fried batter on the outside. It was pure joy dunking them in the hot gravy that accompanies this dish, just like dunking them into my mouth. You just can't go wrong with chicken tenders, ever.
ChickenJoy
The Filipino equivalent to KFC's fried chicken buckets is literally ChickenJoy (but infinitely better). It's yummy. The chicken, with a crunchy exterior and juicy inside, comes out hot and perfectly battered. It's baked and well-seasoned just right—not dry like other spots of fried chicken. A great mix, it's true chicken combined with silky and savory gravy (accompanying the chicken). It's all in the name: real joy brings ChickenJoy. I'm going to order this fried chicken over again, and over again, and over again.