The-one-that-got-away

I was sitting by the window with my legs crossed. I held my favorite pillow closed to me, when a gentle wind blew. I could hear the rustling of the leaves and a sudden gust of cool breeze on my face; I saw how the flowers swayed. Seeming to invite me to swing and sway with them.

All was calm and tranquil around me.

Then I heard the soft, and calming music on the radio which paired the mood in my room. It was enough to stir my imagination.

My eyes caught the sight of a "dying day". Nothing can surpass the touching beauty of sunset! I said to myself. The sun is ready to retire from an exasperating day.

Suddenly a dreadful thought struck me.

"Sorry, I have a problem to fix. Don't worry I'll contact you when I settled out things."

"What do you mean? What happened? Can you explain it clearly? What's going on" I replied.

"Nothing. It's okay. It's a small thing...you don't have to stress yourself." He said.

"Small thing?" I grumble. "But why do you need to cut connection?"

"Don't be persistent! You're like a kid!"

"I won't be acting this way if you haven't texted me that vague thing! Out of nowhere, you'll cut our connection? What am I to you?" I said with persistence.

"I'm sorry. I have to do this because I made my best friend got into an accident. He's in the hospital right now. It's all my fault. I should be the one lying in that death bed"

"What? How come? How did it happened?"

"Babe, please. All I need is your patience and understanding. I promise I'll explain to you everything once I'm settled out okay?"

Without second thought I agreed. I felt sorry for him. Indeed, all I can do now is understand him and wait for him to be okay. And for a good news to come.

He is a person who values his friends too much. To the extent that he'll rather choose his friends over me. That is why I didn't hesitate. The more I ask, the more he'll get mad and annoyed.

I LOVED HIM.

That was the craziest and the most stupid thing that ever happened to me.

Everything came as usual. I didn't received any text message from him but it's okay. I know he's in turmoil right now. I shouldn't add more to his perturbations.

The day came swift. It's our graduation already. Still we haven't communicated. The saddest of the saddest day in my life.

It's our graduation now. It's starting to drizzle. I saw dark clouds. We changed location at the last minute just to make our rites happen.

We packed up. My curled hair became staight in an instant. The dampness I felt is like a mixed of rain and sweat. Everyone is whining including me. I blamed the weather for not agreeing with our ceremony.

Although it was raining hard, it was a happy day for me... I thought.

"Mama's gone" a text message my Mother received from his brother. My grandmother is gone.

After the ceremony we immediately bid good bye to my classmates and friends. I haven't been able to take pictures. Sad..

Days have passed. My grandmother's wake is held in our house. I felt like miserable. I need comfort. I need him.

K-r-rringg... k-r-ringg. Yes I called him.

He picked up the phone.

"Uhmm..Hello" I murmured

"Yes?" he mumbled. "Who's that?" said by a voice on his line.

I froze. I felt the hair on my skin rose. I had goose bumps. I ended the call.

My tongue twisted and my throat seems clogged. I couldn't speak. I feel weak. My eyes began to stream down tears but I wiped it immediately.

I composed myself.."Who's that?" I texted him.

"It's her. "Camilla". She came back."

As I read his message my tears flowed like a stream. I could not believe that this is happening. He betrayed me! Everything was a lie since the beginning. He even dared to make up a story!

He courted me to become his rebound. And here I am. A dimwit. I trusted him because he's a childhoodfriend of my bestfriend. Yet, he fooled me.

"Let's end this" I said.

"Okay" he replied

I was crying a river in a dark corner. I thought it was the last message I'll receive from his number, but I was wrong.

"Hahaha, you ugly bitch! You don't deserve my cousin! You low class loser!"

I felt a knife struck on my chest. I couldn't breathe. Eventually, I feel numb. I was dumbfounded. I lose my strength. I couldn't even hold my phone. I hugged my self and wept in tears.

You know what's the worst thing to happen when you are crying? That's when you can't let other people see your situation. That you need to hold your sobbing. That you can't even screamed out to release your emotions.

I LOVED HIM.

That was the craziest and the most stupid thing that ever happened to me.

Since that day I became melancholic. I feel that I'm surrounded with darkness. But then I realized that he's gone now. He has his own family. And that I should move forward.

From that moment, I found myself smiling. Gone are days that I was consumed with sorrow. I'm back to the present now.

From my window, I saw that the sun has already set and now it's getting darker. I got up and motioned myself to the mirror. There I saw my reflection. A woman genuinely smiling...

Silence for the longest made me realize that forgiving is what I should give to ease the excess baggage in my heart... and shutting down that leftover feelings is the best way to..it wasn't easy but it's what made my heart free.