Age is not the matter—it is always the perspective.
I will be turning 20 next month and I feel mixed emotions about this thing. I try to think deeper but the more I dig deep, the more questions come rushing to me. What have I done with the twenty years of my life? Am I satisfied with it?
It was full of all the colors existing on earth, all hues of blues and it was brighter than any rainbow. And to be able to see these colors, I went into darkness too. Life is unpredictable as we always say. To answer my question, yes, I am satisfied with it and I am proud of those twenty years with ups and downs and twirls in between. I am thankful with everyone who have been there with me and I also want to share my gratitude to those who left me, for they also helped me find the way that’s meant for me.
Nonetheless, I am fearful because my responsibilities now are real and they’re already in front of me. Reality burns my skin—it’s so hard to see, it’s hard to believe that I have to change my perspectives every now and then to cope up with the challenges that life has.
On the other hand, it is also exciting. As a writer, I only want to show you the truth through my words. If teenage life’s the time we did so much experiments, adulting stage is where we put out the results. Before I even reach 20, I slowly immersed myself into a practical life because we aren’t rich and I also needed to earn my own money in order to help my parents.
Photo from Unsplash
Practical doesn’t mean I don’t spoil myself at all. Practicality for me means I know my limitations and I don’t center my happiness on anything that has monetary value.
I buy immediately a thing when I know that it would be ultimately benefit me and truly essential to my situation. Nonetheless, if not, I have to apply my tricks on it to know if that thing would really make me happy or it just excites me at the present time.
I have mentioned a while back that adulting stage is the time that my responsibilities become strenuous. But, it doesn’t mean that you will spare yourself from all the fun. I only have one main goal — it’s to make my life worth living. As I reach this stage, I aim to become the person that the world needs. As much as I can, I should be able to help everyone. As much as I can, I should be able to put smile on people’s faces.
Being the eldest, I have a big responsibility to my family. I envisioned that after I graduate in college, I would force my father to stop working. I don’t want him to work up to his retirement year. I ambitioned to take over in being the breadwinner of the family and I wanted my little sister to live the life I dreamt of for her. I don’t want her to be having big dreams but choosing options that are only available in her situation, like how it happened to mine. Thus, I am really working hard.
Photo from Unsplash
As I cross this bridge, I also need to prepare myself for the doors that will close in front of me. Being limitless is good but being blind isn’t. I know that I have to deal with a lot of changes and I have to teach myself how to deal with them fast. I am a soft person but this is where I should be getting the strength to build some walls for the things that aren’t for me.
I haven’t noticed my age so much unlike this year. My birthdays aren’t grand and sometimes it’s even worse than my ordinary days.
As I turn 20 on April and I cross this bridge, I hope I understand that this isn’t a two-lane road which means there’s no turning back. I should understand that there are stop lights and I can rest for a little while on this journey if I have to.
As I go into another island, I can look over to where I came from but I can’t go back to how it used to be. If there are things I could carry, it’s only the memories and the lessons it taught me and may it always be a way for me to become a better person.
To you, who’s reading this, I hope you’ll be there as I jump into a new world of possibilities and confrontations. I hope I get to share you more of my thoughts, ideas, and perspectives as it is my desire to be an instrument to other people.
Photo from Unsplash
If you have questions, points to clarify, or any message for me, humbly write them down below – it would mean a lot for me. Thank you!
Lead Image from Unsplash
