Dear March, you came so fast and ended too soon but the pain you’ve given me kills me so slow—that I am afraid I would carry all this burden to the next chapter.
You came without any warning or threat that in a split of a second, everything I worked hard for vanished into the thin air leaving me with doubts and unanswered questions.
You had thirty-one days and every morning I asked myself about my existence. It was as if a big joke only it was so dreadfully funny I had to cry myself in an ocean of tears and drown to it. You were so challenging, you slapped me with my past and the future that I cannot foresee. Nonetheless, I managed to breathe deeper in between my breakdowns and I ran into the pure souls who helped me survive.
Here are some of my mostly lame realizations but helpful in keeping peace to my mind:
I realized that I was a risk taker but at this time around, I’m already risking the wrong things.
I realized that money can only give us temporary happiness. Money isn’t everything.
I realized that I am not the only one hurting and looking for a shoulder to cry on. I, too, shall also be there for my friends.
I realized that time flies so fast, don’t be stuck about a single thing alone. You know what makes you happy – go for it and risk harder.
I realized that plans are good but life is better for unplanned moments – when you bumped into one, grab it. That time will only happen once.
I realized that we aren’t supposed to put ourselves into cage of our dreams and always believe that it’s for our future. The future is now and start making your dreams more realistic.
I realized that the simpler the life, the better.
I realized that we are here in this world for only one thing – for love.
March, even though you ruined some parts of me, I still thank you for showing me how to fight for my happiness – for love. It’s so important to accept that love makes everything alright.
The plot twist of March is the last two days that I wasn’t at our house and gave myself time to rest, actual rest. I got to be with the person I truly love and made more and more memories. I’m so happy that I have the chance to learn how to cook at their house. Even their house feels like a home to me already. Most importantly, we made baked mac and it was so fun. It is my long-time dream to have an oven and it tastes so good. I love cheese, by the way.
At one night, we had the chillest one – we sang our hearts out and I really missed that feeling. I hardly listened to a song this month because it triggers my anxiety. We sang the hits back when we were in Junior High School. It gives me a lot of memories especially One Direction songs. She plays the guitar so well and I am proud of how she improves her talent.
I was also able to buy her the Naruto hoodie that she’s been wanting. She can buy it but she won’t because she also prioritizes her other needs. I was actually planning to give it on her birthday but I couldn’t wait to surprise her with it. Those two days made the whole month a shining one.
It’s also an achievement for me that we had a chance to converse with my friend from high school. We used to be so close but a lot of things happened that we never got to be that kind of friends again.
Other highlights?
I found a tomato plant outside our house. It grew out of nowhere and I luckily had the chance to harvest. I used a buri basket. I realized that I really want to have a farm someday.
To sum it all up, one thing to describe March is bittersweet.
This feeling almost ate me all up into the darkness. This feeling is so painful like running on a bridge and can’t decide whether to go back or to continue your steps forward. However, I am proud. I am proud that I always follow what my heart wants. I did a lot of silly things and I was really reckless and self-destructive, but I know that this is me and as long as I survive, I will continue to be this kind of person.
