5 Reasons Why I Feel Hurt

Why I’m hurt? Why I’m experiencing pain? Do I deserve this? When you feel pain, have you ever asked yourself why? You’re in hurt but, the person caused you pain still happy? Is in it unfair? For that person didn’t even notice/care that he/she hurt you?

People around me called me “balat sibuyas” for I easily get affected but, for me it depends how hard it is to take and deal with (balat sibuyas means gets easily affected) . There are many reasons why I feel hurt:

1. There’s this someone close to me judging me physically

            Many times there’s this someone telling me that my body is not that perfect or ugly to look at. Yes, I know that I am not perfect physically and not beautiful as others. But do I deserve to judge in front of other people and making fun of me? It’s okay if that someone says it between the two of us, the pain is bearable but, when it heard by many people, it’s more painful. When this happened I feel embarrassed and sometimes I feel down.

2. I feel hurt when am being compared

            When you’re being compared to someone, you feel shy and uneasy. When someone compared me to someone younger than me I felt embarrassed “Parang ang liit ng pagtingin nila sa akin”. Yes, I know that I am not as brave, beautiful and confident as other people. Because of this comparison I became insecure and asking myself why? What’s wrong with me?

            Sometimes it depressed me because I always thinking about it. Thinking how to fit with other people. How to please them? And what would I do to stop them comparing me to other people.

            People always saying to me that I am not yet in bloom. At first I didn’t know what does it mean. As I grow up, I still heard that word “being bloom”. I asked someone whom I trusted, she said that bloom is being “matured”, just like the flowers when it blooms it looks beautiful but when someone called you not yet in bloom, it means you’re still young and not yet matured.

3. I am in hurt when I feel that there is a favoritism in the family

            Favoritism is everywhere even at work, school and at home. Have you ever felt that you’re just an option and not a favorite in the family? One-three times is already enough but when it’s every day is not normal already.

            I know I am not good in the school. I am not a competitor. But is it enough not being favored because of this? This is discrimination already. Do they not think that I also needed love, care, support, and guidance? I envy some of my siblings for they easily favored by my parents. Sometimes I am asking if I’m part of the family. When you’re not the favorite one they didn’t notice you and mostly you do the household chores.

4. I feel hurt when they only notice me when I did mistakes

            Some people do mistakes intentionally for them to notice and get the attention of their family. For you feel like you are being ignored and forgotten. But for me I didn’t do mistakes just to notice me by my parents it just happen. For me this is a blessing in disguise for at last someone notice me and I feel like they still care for me. It’s so sad that they only notice you when you did mistakes.

5. I feel hurt when someone said to me that I am a failure to the family

            Who will not hurt when someone called you’re a failure to the family? I know that I am that nobody person in the family. I know I disappointed my family a lot. But I am really hurt calling me a failure to the family.

I may be hurt a lot, but this is not the reason to give up everything what I have started. This is a challenge for me to surpass. Maybe God let me feel hurt for me to test what can I do to fight on what I want and also this is my training in testing how strong I can be in facing those pains.

            Mostly I feel hurt because people judge me physically and question my ability to do work and question me as a person but I came to realized that what is important is I am not a disabled person and I am healthy and there are still many chances for me to learn and grow as a good person/citizen.

           I may be hurt a lot because of my family but I am doing my best to be a better person not for other people but for my own self. I learned that I will not please everybody, even my own family. Their dreams for me are different from mine. Our dreams clashes together but I want to pursue my dreams not their own dreams for this is my own life. I still respect and considering their plan for me and I am thankful that at the end they let me pursue my own dreams. It’s enough to thank them.