Why Do Women In Abusive Relationships Stay?

It’s not that they don’t want to leave. But rather it’s the trauma that paint a picture of the worst, inducing fear that makes anyone buckle to the abuser.

Not only that, but it’s not love, as they often claim to be the reason they don’t leave.

Furthermore, it’s lack of confidence in themselves, they don’t feel they can look after themselves and their children.

Their abusers have made them believe they can’t survive without them. After hearing this over a period of time, the abused believe it, undoubtedly.

It’s not a belief from their hearts, it’s an idea deeply rooted in their souls. They have been made to think and believe they’re incapable, they have been emotionally tuned to feel stupid.

As they get isolated from families and friends. They slowly start to feel comfortable in their abusive environment, they accept the circumstances they’re living in because there’s no one in the outside world that can offer an ear to hear their pain.

They have no one to talk to. No one to convince them, to leave, no one to encourage them to do the right thing. No one to offer them help to escape.

Their abusers make sure they will not have the means and the resources to get away.

There’s always a conflict in their minds. The desperate need for a stable family, a loving relationship, a functional family.

Women and men a like in these situations, do want to get away. However, hope is their first approach, there’s so much hope things will change, this usually at the start of the abuse.

There’s confusion as to how did they reach this stage. How did a wonderful man or woman who was once a source of happiness and comfort to one’s soul became a spear in their heart, a cause of pain and anguish?

When the abuser apologizes and show affection, they make it up, it’s a moment of great relief for the abused. There’s a sense of joy. All the abuse became nothing more than just a bad dream.

This temporary feeling of hope and disappointment becomes a pattern. They find themselves stuck in a cycle that was building through their journey of hope.

By the time they realized, he’s not going to change, things had gotten worse.

All the death threats becomes real, and what was once hope had vanished, in its place is fear, low self-esteem, shame, anguish, and conviction this is it.

They are convinced there’s no way out, no one can help.

They were taken away and isolated from their families and friends, fear and helplessness overcome them.

It becomes a matter of waiting, not for freedom, but for the day he will kill her. With children, they are convinced, their children are in danger as well.

The overwhelming power of fear paralyzed them, they reside to submission with absolute obedience as a form of protection. It’s their only lifeline to hang on, to keep their heads above the waters.

By the time these women make it away from their abusers, the hole left inside their souls of emotional and physiological damage is only one’s hope it can be rescued and repaired.

When you asked these women the question, why did they stay on? Why did they not find help? Why did they not ring the police?

Their answer is simply “because I love him”

Stay because of love

The real truth has nothing to do with love. Throughout their lives under the same roof with their abusers, these women are totally under the control of violence.

There is no time to feel any love for anyone, including their abusers, there’s only fear around the clock, constantly wondering what’s next, constantly watching out for their words when they speak, their actions, even the way they sit.

So, why they claim love as the reason they stayed on?

It’s simple, they are confused and lost in the chaos of a long struggle.

They have no better explanation. They are exhausted.

Being free doesn’t fix things instantly, it doesn’t heal the damage done, it doesn’t undo years of abuse.

It’s an emotional attachment which is more than love as it is.

This is called Stockholm syndrome.

Stockholm syndrome affects hostages, who have been held hostage for a period of time, usually a long time.

Victims of domestic violence are hostages through love. They agreed to marry the abuser, there’s excitement, joy, dreams of building a home with white picket fence. Children running around.

A dream to build a happy family together.

The love that landed them in the hands of their abusers, is the very same love that will give them a false sense of loving their abuser.

Throughout the years of abuse, the victims will question that love over and over again.

There’s constant confusion, about this initial love. As they remember this love, and recall how they fell in love with their abusers, how special they were to their abusers, they slipped into a psychological state of wishing for those beautiful days and moments to return.

Through this process, their minds actively bringing up these good memories of the start of the relationship.

The memories of the love, affection, compassion, sweetness and caring their abuser showed them becomes a living memory, to hold on, it becomes a treasure unconsciously. Giving a false belief, they still love their abuser.

At times when they’re abused, that love is out of their minds altogether, they just want the abuser to stop the beating. They wished someone will just burst in the door at that moment and rescue them.

There’s only burning hate and resentment at the moment of abuse, “there’s no love”

It’s at the moments when they contemplate getting away, that brings up the good sweet memories, the brain will recall these sweet memories to give comfort, to the victims.

The brain has recognized the pattern of confusion, anguish and deep resentment with contemplation of escaping eases with the past sweet memories. The brain then call these memories to action to comfort the abused at these difficult moments.

It’s this pattern of behavior between the abused and the brain that will eventually give the abused a false belief they love the abuser.

The moment of courage

There’s however a moment when the castle will finally come down and the reality, the truth exposed.

When this moment arrived, people from the outside, look on with disbelief, we start asking, the “big question”

Why didn't she leave? Why did she continue to stay?

It’s always easy for us to judge because the world we live in is unlike the world these women and their children lived in?

The moment of courage is from the soul, it’s from a place deep down their being. Years of abuse has reached its boiling point, this has awakened their souls with a power that overpower the mind, forcing it to change its tune to meet the demands of the soul.

There’s a point when something suddenly snapped, trickling a deep wave of courage, fuel by anger, and deep resentment.

It could be tricker by something on the TV, a scary behavior of a child who shows signs of deep psychological damage.

It could also be an ocean of other things in the relationship that has happened, like verbal abuse, where disrespect is at its peak, the abused is being little, and is called with all humiliating words.

This search in anger comes after days of the abused recalling these memories of humiliation, as they constantly focus on this, the mind start to shift its focus to the new tune.

Whenever the abuser recall these humiliating memories the mind recall the feelings that comes with it, intensifying the abused resentment towards the abuser, strengthening their determination to escape.

The mind will now feed them with solution and positive outcomes to help them continue on the direction of getting away.

The mind will feed them with courage to help the soul, as the soul continues to inject the courage and strength in them to work towards an escape plan.

When the anxiety and the will to get away intensify, it reaches the gut of their souls, it’s a deep reach and there’s no turning back. Even self-defense in any cost becomes as easy as a gentle breeze.

The mind becomes locked in the idea of getting away at any cost. There’s fear of getting caught, but it won’t be strong enough to resist the determination to escape, it won’t affect plans in place for the escape.

When this stage takes over, the mind becomes alert and constantly thinking, of ways to get the plan moving, risks are no longer threaten with fear, but guided with inner power and confidence everything will work as planned.

The fear of getting caught no longer exist, there’s a determination to fight back even if that means death in the hands of the abuser.

The first step towards fulfilling the getaway plan will now become a reality, whether it’s starting to put away money, sneaking to the neighbors for help, or finally call the cops. 

It’s a long difficult process, with heartache, tears, pain, fear and wish for death as a final solution. 

We on the other side, need to learn to ask different questions.

What punishment is there in the justice system for these abusers? 

Are there free counselling and therapy available to women and children victims of domestic violence? 

What is the government going to do, to prevent these unacceptable violence in homes? 

Is there compensation for the victims, from their abusers?

Do women, men, and children living in abusive relationships and abusive environments matters? 

Victims of domestic violence have been held against their will, they are hostages of love on the sharp edge of a sword. 

Love is a double edge sword!

It’s sometimes, a beautiful red poisonous apple.

copyright-@Bree

By the time these women make it away from their abusers, the hole left inside their souls of emotional and physiological damage is only one’s hope it can be rescued and repaired.

When you asked these women the question, why did they stay on? Why did they not find help? Why did they not ring the police?

Their answer is simply “because I love him”

Stay because of love

The real truth has nothing to do with love. Throughout their lives under the same roof with their abusers, these women are totally under the control of violence.

There is no time to feel any love for anyone, including their abusers, there’s only fear around the clock, constantly wondering what’s next, constantly watching out for their words when they speak, their actions, even the way they sit.

So, why they claim love as the reason they stayed on?

It’s simple, they are confused and lost in the chaos of a long struggle.

They have no better explanation. They are exhausted.

Being free doesn’t fix things instantly, it doesn’t heal the damage done, it doesn’t undo years of abuse.

It’s an emotional attachment which is more than love as it is.

This is called Stockholm syndrome.

Stockholm syndrome affects hostages, who have been held hostage for a period of time, usually a long time.

Victims of domestic violence are hostages through love. They agreed to marry the abuser, there’s excitement, joy, dreams of building a home with white picket fence. Children running around.

A dream to build a happy family together.

The love that landed them in the hands of their abusers, is the very same love that will give them a false sense of loving their abuser.

Throughout the years of abuse, the victims will question that love over and over again.

There’s constant confusion, about this initial love. As they remember this love, and recall how they fell in love with their abusers, how special they were to their abusers, they slipped into a psychological state of wishing for those beautiful days and moments to return.

Through this process, their minds actively bringing up these good memories of the start of the relationship.

The memories of the love, affection, compassion, sweetness and caring their abuser showed them becomes a living memory, to hold on, it becomes a treasure unconsciously. Giving a false belief, they still love their abuser.

At times when they’re abused, that love is out of their minds altogether, they just want the abuser to stop the beating. They wished someone will just burst in the door at that moment and rescue them.

There’s only burning hate and resentment at the moment of abuse, “there’s no love”

It’s at the moments when they contemplate getting away, that brings up the good sweet memories, the brain will recall these sweet memories to give comfort, to the victims.

The brain has recognized the pattern of confusion, anguish and deep resentment with contemplation of escaping eases with the past sweet memories. The brain then call these memories to action to comfort the abused at these difficult moments.

It’s this pattern of behavior between the abused and the brain that will eventually give the abused a false belief they love the abuser.

THE MOMENT OF COURAGE

There’s however a moment when the castle will finally come down and the reality, the truth exposed.

When this moment arrived, people from the outside, look on with disbelief, we start asking, the “big question”

Why she didn’t leave? Why did she continue to stay?

It’s always easy for us to judge because the world we live in is unlike the world these women and their children lived in?

The moment of courage is from the soul, it’s from a place deep down their being. Years of abuse has reached its boiling point, this has awakened their souls with a power that overpower the mind, forcing it to change its tune to meet the demands of the soul.

There’s a point when something suddenly snapped, trickling a deep wave of courage, fuel by anger, and deep resentment.

It could be tricker by something on the TV, a scary behavior of a child who shows signs of deep psychological damage.

It could also be an ocean of other things in the relationship that has happened, like verbal abuse, where disrespect is at its peak, the abused is being little, and is called with all humiliating words.

This search in anger comes after days of the abused recalling these memories of humiliation, as they constantly focus on this, the mind start to shift its focus to the new tune.

Whenever the abuser recall these humiliating memories the mind recall the feelings that comes with it, intensifying the abused resentment towards the abuser, strengthening their determination to escape.

The mind will now feed them with solution and positive outcomes to help them continue on the direction of getting away.

The mind will feed them with courage to help the soul, as the soul continues to inject the courage and strength in them to work towards an escape plan.

When the anxiety and the will to get away intensify, it reaches the gut of their souls, it’s a deep reach and there’s no turning back. Even self defense in any cost becomes as easy as a gentle breeze.

The mind becomes locked in the idea of getting away at any cost. There’s fear of been caught, but it won’t be strong enough to resist the determination to escape, it won’t affect plans in place for the escape.

When this stage takes over, the mind becomes alert and constantly thinking, of ways to get the plan moving, risks are no longer threaten with fear, but guided with inner power and confidence everything will work as planned.

The fear of getting caught no longer exist, there’s a determination to fight back even if that means death in the hands of the abuser.

The first step towards fulfilling the get away plan will now becomes a reality, whether it’s starting to put away money, sneaking to the neighbours for help, or finally call the cops. 

It’s a long difficult process, with heartache, tears, pain, fear and wish for death as a final solution. 

We on the other side, need to learn to ask a different questions .

what punishment is there in the justice system for these abusers? 

Are there free counselling and therapy available to women and children victims of domestic violence? 

What is the government going to do, to prevent these unacceptable violence in homes? 

Is there compensation for the victims, from their abusers?

Do women, men and children living in abusive relationships and abusive environments matters? 

Victims of domestic violence are held against their will, they are hostages of love on the sharp edge of a sword. 

Love is a double edge sword!

It’s sometimes, a beautiful red poisonous apple.