Mistake

There are a lot of mistakes that men tend to make when they actively try to pursue a woman, and it’s crucial that you avoid these PUA pitfalls. Not only will you give yourself a better overall experience, but you will avoid becoming the exact type of man that women avoid:

1) Entitlement

The Mistake: It’s your first time actively trying to put any effort in your personality and appearance, and you become frustrated when women don’t immediately respond.

Deep down, this frustration is caused by the belief that you deserve attention simply because you finally invested some effort.

What To Do Instead: You are not entitled to anyone’s attention. Your effort is great, but keep going. You can’t convince anyone to like you if they really don’t like you; sometimes it just doesn’t happen. Just go again and try to be a better version of yourself.

2) Negging

The Mistake: A common tactic from the online PUA community, negging is the idea that you can psychologically trick a woman into finding you attractive by lowering her self-esteem with a backhanded compliment, like calling her nose big or saying that she is fat.

What To Do Instead: Even if this method does work – which it rarely ever does – it is manipulative and abusive, and is the worst way to start any kind of relationship. It’s a giant red flag for most women, and will keep you out of their interest for good.

3) Too Much Information

The Mistake: This is a common mistake from men who do not have much experience flirting. They might tend to give out too much information too fast, talking about their shameful secrets, their tragic family histories, their strange fantasies and desires.

This comes from a misunderstanding of being open and vulnerable – we think that if we are completely honest with them, we can make them love us for our sincerity.

What To Do Instead: It’s important to pace yourself. Being open and vulnerable is an attractive trait, but no one wants to hear about weird fetishes from a stranger.

As we said above, no one is obligated to like you, so while you should be honest, you should also know when to say something, and when to hold it back.

4) Stalking, or “Being Creative”

The Mistake: You might see a cute girl in your workplace or school, and instead of approaching her and introducing yourself, you do everything you can to find out her personal details from other sources.

You check out her Facebook, look for her number in the company phonebook, and ask her friends about her before ever speaking with her.

What To Do Instead: Creatively stalking someone is a huge turn-off, and is the ultimate red flag. Not only are you showing that you don’t have the decency and the confidence to do the simple thing and just introduce yourself, you are also showing that you are willing to cross boundaries to get what you want.

Why Making An Effort Matters

If you think putting on a nice shirt or reading a new book to have something more interesting to talk about is too much work, you might want to take into consideration that you are in the golden age of modern dating.

Whether you’re planning to enter a serious relationship or engage in a casual, fun fling is irrelevant – modern dating has transformed dating into a speed search for the next best candidate. Here’s how you make sure you get a fair shot:

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How Modern Dating Has Changed The Game

College parties, work events, and family gatherings used to be precursors to dating.

In these social situations, mutual friends would come together and meet people in their circle, and if they’re lucky, go on a brand new romantic adventure.

But with the popularity of dating apps like Tinder, dating has been removed from social situations, and isolated into its own little corner on your phone.

And while there are success stories of partners, who would otherwise have never met, finding each other on dating platforms, this fairytale is simply not true for the average user.

In fact, only around 5% of surveyed couples in a marriage or committed relationship report meeting their significant other online.

So, how has the likes of Tinder changed dating forever?

For starters, it’s easier to compare someone with everyone else. Before the era of dating apps, in-person interactions limited you to people in the room.

More often than not, you would only meet people who knew the same people, went to the same hang out spots, or went to the same office or school as you.

Dating apps have unlocked the other candidates you never would have met in person.

The convenience of expanding your digital dating network comes with serious pitfalls: the dating scene has become so competitive that sometimes being yourself isn’t enough.

Research shows that women are generally pickier than men when it comes to online dating and were contacted much more often than their male users.

As a result, women have the privilege of taking their pick and had more choice over who to respond to.

How It Applies To You

Dating apps are among the most downloaded apps in the world. If you live in the 21st century, there’s a good chance that the girl you’re interested in has had some experience with online dating.

Realistically, you’re not just competing with the two or three more guys befriending her in person; you’re up against the hundreds of guys online that are within her reach through dating apps.

Does it mean you have to beat every single one of them? No, It’s not about being the best one out of all those hundreds. It’s about making an effort to get a girl to actually notice you and like you.

Making an effort doesn’t mean you’re preparing to step into the biggest, most serious relationship in your life. It just means you’re ready to give yourself a little boost. The good news it that you can do it through the following simple, actionable steps: