I remember when we first met, I was 17 and you were 23. I was at the cafeteria with Sarah when you strolled in, and for a brief second our eyes locked. Oh how gorgeous your eyes were, it was like staring into the sea, filled with endless beauty. I looked away and did not give it another thought because lets be honest, I was still in my awkward phase but you looked like a man, and from the way women gazed at you, I knew they agreed with me too. Imagine my surprise when you said hello, hello to me, amongst every other person, oh I was a gunner for sure, and that was how we started.
Soon enough, you became my everything, you convinced me on what was right and wrong, according to you, being skinny was not attractive, so I had to take supplements to add weight, the way I dressed was not enticing enough, I had to wear revealing clothes, Sarah was not mature enough and she had to leave. I was still basking on the thrill of being chosen by you, that I did all you asked of without complaints. I talked only when spoken to, learned how to cook what you liked, even though you raped me severally I did not mind.
See all my life, I had always felt unwanted, I was the 9th child out of 11, so nobody at home cared about me. I was simply someone that existed, I had never been called beautiful before, so when you told me I was beautiful on our second date, you became everything I ever wanted. Sometimes I wonder, if I had had a better life growing up, would I have fallen so easily for your lies? I do not know. On my 18th birthday, you asked me to move in with you, my parents were less concerned, to them it was one less mouth to feed, I was so happy. I started dreaming of our wedding and how our children would look like, little did I know, that was the start of all my troubles.
It started gradually, for some reason, you got angry if I wore the clothes you asked me to buy, called me a harlot if a little skin showed, you decided that I was to stay at home with you every day and I had to ask for permission before going anywhere because according to you, my education was a waste of time and the likelihood of me amounting to anything significant was second to none. No one was allowed to see me, but then no one was likely to come to visit me in the first place. Then the abuse started, suddenly everything I did irritate you, every little thing was met with violence. At this point, I was not worried still, my father used to hit my mum, maybe this was what love meant, I was still the dutiful girlfriend.
Then I got pregnant, I was so excited for you to come home, I wore the only gown you still approved of and styled my hair the way you loved, then you came in, she was everything you told me not to be, she was slim, tall, and attractive, she talked to you and you listened to her, the cloth she wore exposed her skin in a sexy yet delicate way, you told me that growing taller than you was disrespectful, so I had to start slouching. I hid in the bathroom and watched you with her, you were so gentle with her, you had never been like that with me, then you called for me, you told Hannah that I was your maid. For the first time in a long while, I talked back, I told her I was your girlfriend, maybe it was the child within me, or the jealousy I felt that gave me that courage but I talked, my voice even felt strange to my ears. Then you slapped me, then you hit me on my stomach, Hannah tried to stop you, but you pushed her away and kept hitting me. Hannah ran away and then you left, I was alone in my blood, there was no point going to the hospital, I knew I had lost the baby. I cleaned myself up and cried myself to sleep.
Over the course of 2 years this continued, you would beat me and I would lose my babies, you never even knew about the children. But then Joy came, she was strong, no matter the beating she kept growing, it was a miracle, I gave birth to Joy on the eve of my 21st birthday. She literally brought joy into my life, when you saw her, you wept and vowed to change and you changed. The beatings stopped and peace returned, but after a year, you came back, the abuse continued. I wanted to leave, not for my sake but because of my daughter, each time you touched me, I could see the joy leaving her eyes, I started planning to leave.
Then the day came, I thought you had gone to smoke with friends like you always do, unfortunately, you came back to get some change, and you saw me with my suitcase. You slapped me, I had never seen so much rage in your eyes, then you picked Joy and flung her against the wall. Even before her body touched the floor, I knew she was dead, you stared at the body in shock, I silently walked towards the bottle of acid, the one I got from one of the old car batteries because I had felt it might come in handy one day. You were sitting on the floor beside her body, I looked at those beautiful eyes, I imagined how our life would have been if you were different and I poured the acid into your eyes. You started screaming, then I poured it into your mouth, I watched as your beautiful body changed before my eyes, and then I called the cops. They asked me what happened, but I said nothing, there was nothing to say. The headline read "Deranged woman kills boyfriend and daughter", it was true after all, if I had left earlier, Joy would still be alive. Now I am 23, sitting in a mental facility with absolutely no hope for the future and you are in hell, where you belong.