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The theme of love is the main theme in my life. So much manipulation has now been done to make people lose the true concept of love and really stop loving in their lives. And today I want to clarify some of the fundamental points of the difference between pseudo-love and real love.
1) Infatuation is selfish, love is not.
When you love, it seems that you are ready to give your beloved everything you have and even more. You don't keep score, you don't find out who is right and who is wrong. You are not annoyed by the light left on in the toilet, the wrong tone of a spoken word, the shirt thrown on the chair. You are not trying to manipulate to get your way. You're just genuinely happy.
And if the relationship is built on passion and appetence, then on the contrary, you focus on how the other person can make you happy. That is, on his return to you. Нe is perceived only as a source of joy and endorphins. And that's why it's so scary to lose him. So you will worry, control, do everything to prolong this affair as long as possible.
2) Love liberates, passion keeps in suspense.
Mutual love allows you to fully manifest your inner true self. Without fear of evaluation, condemnation and criticism. A loving person supports, encourages and helps. Mutual trust becomes a powerful catalyst for the personal growth of both partners. Such partners have a common point of view or very similar. They may dream of the same things to stimulate and inspire each other.
And lust or infatuation develops a sense of ownership. The desire to fully or undividedly possess the object you lust after. This means that you will have to limit him, impose your point of view, try to control, so that God forbid our partner does not get out of control and run away. When you are infatuated, you are indifferent to the feelings of another person, you only care about your state of infatuation, and this follows from the first question that you are only ready to take, but not ready to give.
3) Love is forever, infatuation passes pretty quickly.
Hence the notorious phrase "Love lives for three years." We often confuse, mistaking infatuation for love, but infatuation is only a hormonal cocktail mixed with pheromones. Of course, this is a very important component (the hormonal background and pheromones of your partner are right for you). But there is a key difference: in a couple where there is love, people look in one direction, and when infatuated, only at each other. In the first case, people are united by common interests and goals. In the second case, only the possession of each other.
A simple test: if after parting you have warm feelings for a person, gratitude, then it is love, and if after parting you feel only irritation, it seems to you that you were underestimated, betrayed, used, then alas, it was not love. That is, you cannot a priori experience negative feelings towards the object of your choice, even if you broke up.
4) Infatuation blinds, love opens eyes.
There is even such a saying - "Passion obscures the eyes" or "Blinded by desire." Every person who has experienced this storm of feelings at least once in his life knows: you literally stop noticing everything around you, you only see the object of appetence. Love is the opposite: it makes you see beauty around: a beautiful view from the window, an unusual cloud in the sky, hear beauty in an ordinary melody, notice the smiles of passers-by, and completely ignore the gloomy faces on the streets.
5) Love is responsible, infatuation is not.
When you love, you try to protect your beloved from any stress, annoying factors; you try to make him cozy, comfortable and tasty. Passion has one task - to master the object completely. Passion does not take into account either his desires or the plans of his partner.
Therefore, when they say that a woman should be uncomfortable for a man in order to maintain his interest in herself, it means that they are talking about manipulation, and not a desire to preserve the union. When a person loves, then he wants to maintain the union by keeping his partner’s nerves safe. When a person is simply infatuated, he will preserve the union with the help of rotten ways: games of "hot cold", resentment, pressure and other psychological techniques.
6) Love is directed to the future, passion is here and now.
Beloved and loving feel good together, they dream of spending this life together, for them time does not really matter, because no matter how much time they spend together, it will always be not enough for them. Passion wants to get here and now, because on the subconscious it does not hope for a long continuation.
When you love, you prioritize the desires of your partner, often at your own expense, working as if for the prospect of your future happiness. Because if you now realize your wish, for example, to shout, you will be satisfied here and now, but in the future, having lost a person, you will be unhappy without him. And if you here and now clamp down on your wish and do not shout, caring about the emotional state of your beloved, then in the future you will be even happier with him than if you were happy with the realization of the wish here and now.
I wish everyone to meet real love and thereby find the highest happiness.