Have you ever reach the point in your life where you almost give up in your self?
Have you ever tried isolating yourself because of too much intimidation?
Have you ever experience being left behind?
The feeling of being alone, loneliness and seems like nobody cares for your existence.
That even your own family can continue their lives without even including you in the circle?
Do you ever find yourself less worthy because of those people making you feel that way?
Then if you ever felt the things that I have mention above, I think this article is meant for you and you didn't just read it accidentally.
Let me tell you a story.
I was just a 16 years old girl back then. And just like any other typical teenage girls, I became too curious in everything. In fact, I tried to smoke and drink alcohols without my family being aware of it.
I've learned to sneaked out from the class just to meet my out of school friends and do vices. I never felt guilty.
I always had this idea in my mind that "why should I be guilty? They don't even care for me. I am just a piece of trash for them right? A black sheep in the family. No one cares."
That words made its marked in my heart that I continued everything I am doing and even entered relationships and yes, I did it.
I've engaged my self in pre-marital sex.
And I would be a liar if I will say that I haven't felt any guilt or hated my self after doing it.
I did. But I didn't let my regrets and guilt makes me weak.
Instead of stoping it, I even do it more often and as the time goes by, I am becoming used to it.
It seems like, its not a big deal anymore.
I've been into different relationships.
Until one day,
I was invited by my friends to have a drink in one of our friend's pad and I of course I said yes.
We drink and get drunk. Some of them are already indulged in illegal drugs and some are already making out.
I am not that drunk that night so I decided to have a smoke outside.
I have no plan to become drunk that night actually because I still have a class in the morning.
I was just silently smoking in the veranda when Jake, one of my friend came with a glass of liqour in his hand and handed it to me. I resisted but he insisted , telling me that it will be the last.
So I drink it and in just a few seconds, I felt like my legs are numbing and felt very sleepy. I dropped the glass and it got broken.
And then, Jake caught me and volunteered to take me in one of the rooms in the house for me to sleep.
Of course I said yes, because I trusted him. And I think , that was the biggest mistake in my life. Trusting him.
He brought me in the room or better to say grabbed.
I resisted of course because he is already holding me tightly but I was just so weak that time.
We reached the room and my eyes got widened when I found Mike and Jason, also my so called friends in the room half naked.
I am not that dumbed to not hint what they are about to do.
They locked the door and there, in that room, in the house full of the people that trusted , betrayed and raped me.
After what they did, they just left me there with my body still lying on the bed naked and shaking. My tears are flowing non stop.
I couldn't utter any word. It took me 1 hour before I could pull up myself together and got the strength to get away from that house.
After that night, I looked at myself as a garbage and worthless.
No one would ever want me again. I am so dirty. This world will be much better without me.
And I slowly wrapped the rope in my neck and hanged myself , when the rope suddenly lose its grip from the ceiling and dropped me in the floor. Suddenly, a book fell in front of my face from the book shelves...
"I care for you-God"
And in just an instant, my eyes overflow with so much tears upon reading the phrase.
My emotions are mixing up. And all I did was cry like a baby while holding the book that happens to be my diary or journal when I was 14 years old.
When I was still so in loved with the Lord and I couldn't stand a day without talking to Him.
I was so young back then but the memories are still so fresh. The genuine smiles. The contentment. The joy that I can only found in Christ.
You see?
No matter how far we ran away from God. He will always be there to wait for us.
And He will definitely do anything just to win you back.
This world may ignore you. Throw lies on you. Give you wrong identity about yourself. Judge you.
But always remember that the Lord is always with you and will never leave you nor forsake you.
Because you are not just your name. You achievements. your failures.
You are His beloved treasure.
You are His child.
And just for you to know that God cares for you and the small details of you.
You are loved and cared by God.
Put your identity in Christ.