Dear Diary,
The writing spirit has rested on my right arm and my index finger is currently enjoying the small moves on my gadget's keyboard birthing these sentences. That should say something considering that I have been shying away from bleeding on a screen.
The days have been rolling themselves out as usual but somehow mine gained a little weight. They drag through time which in return gifts my demons the time needed to push me over the cliff over and over.
Their audacity to collect me from the valley's floor only to have me crucified again is what astounds me.
The nerve.
But somehow this brutality towards my soul has started forcing me into profound inner dialogs searching for the overall remedy of these draining triggers. My now well noted deficiency to withstand the heat they come with is responsible for my sighing pens.
It is what broke me and continued to ignore my scattered self. I couldn't loosen its grip on my light. Didn't even dare to. I was too weak.
I have been nothing but numb. Pain sowed itself under my skin and spread into my veins. It poisoned everything good. Dismembered then dispersed me. Now , there are parts of me that are yet to find their way back home. They have kept me up at night hoping that they'd show up.
But.
Nothing.
All in all, streams of the ever present love have grounded me. They've watered me unknowingly... unintentionally. They've constantly reminded me of their presence and understably asked to have mine. Topping the charts with their willness to hold me even when I can't admit that I need to be held. Or better yet babied.
They've resurrected what was decaying.
What was dying. Slowly.
Behind a societal friendly mask.
In return, I have begged the heavens for another chance. An opportunity to feed myself with kindness and love. To try and forgive myself. To heal me the best way I know how. To rekindle my affair with words. To better choose the ones that well represent my thoughts or emotions.
Hence the energy needed to reciprocate the incoming love requires me to rethink. To embrace the what is. To be at home with myself. To be one with my flaws. To glow in the dark. To stand out fearlessly. Like a tree overshadowing every other growing thing ♡
Wambuku W.
