Be positive; Dealing with Others (part 2)

Date: 16th of October, 2021

Thanks be to God for the last article " Starting With Yourself". For more details, check on the link below 👇👇

https://read.cash/@Bjread.cash/be-positive-starting-with-yourself-part-1-73bddfce

I appreciate @Olasquare for your upvoted, and to all my commenters and supporters on read.cash, you are really awesome.

Today, in continuation of " be positive" , we shall be looking at "how we can deal with others".

1. Be honest and open

What have you got to hide? We're all imperfect, growing, learning human beings. If you feel ashamed or insecure about any aspect of yourself and you feel that you have to hide those parts of you, whether physically or emotionally then you have to come to terms with that and learn to convert your so-called flaws into individualistic quirks or simply as basic, down-to-earth acknowledgments of your own imperfections.

Try the tactic of owning up to your imperfections mid-argument with someone. You will often discover that suddenly you've removed the very reason for stubbornly holding the line of argument, which is often about preserving face and not giving in. The moment you say, "Yeah, look, I get really irritable when the room's in a mess too. And I acknowledge that I shouldn't leave my clothes in a pile on the floor and yet I do it because that's a lazy part of myself I'm still trying to train out of the habit. I'm sorry. I know I could do better, and I will try," you suddenly infuse an argument with genuine self-honesty that disarms the entire point of the argument.

2. Don't compare yourself to others

If you're always striving to be someone you're not already, you'll never be a happy person. This comes about through comparing yourself to others and finding yourself wanting in certain ways. This is a slippery slope to tread, where your thinking will only become more and more negative.

You can always see the appearances others wish to portray publicly but you won't ever see what's really going on behind their facades in their apparently perfect world. By comparing yourself to others, you give their image-portrayal way too much power and reduce your own worth based on a mirage. It's a useless activity that only brings harm.

Instead, value the person you are, love your personality, and embrace your flaws; we all have them, and as explained earlier, being honest is better than running from them.

3. Stop caring about how people perceive you

Some of them will like you and some of them won't. Either attitude is as likely to be right or wrong. It's next-to-impossible to be yourself when you're caught up in constantly wondering "Do they think I'm funny? Does she think I'm fat? Do they think I'm dumb? Am I good/clever/popular enough to be a part of their group of friends?" To be yourself, you've got to let go of these concerns and just let your behavior flow, with only your consideration of others as a filter — not their consideration of you.

If you change yourself for one person or group, another person or group may not like you, and you could go on forever in a vicious cycle trying to please people instead of focusing on building up your talents and strengths.

4. Stop being a people-pleaser

Always wanting everyone's love and respect is a totally pointless exercise in the end that can harm your personal development and confidence. Who cares what other people say? As Eleanor Roosevelt said once, no one can make you feel inferior without your consent and what matters most is that you listen to your own inner confidence and if it's missing, that you start developing it!

Does this mean no one's opinion in life matters? No. It hurts if you're socially rejected. If you're forced into a situation where you must spend most or all of your time among people who can't stand you for reasons of their own, it's dangerous to internalize their negative ideas of who you are. What you can do is exercise some choice in whose opinions you value more than others. It's much healthier to pay attention to people who genuinely mean you well and who agree with you about what you want to do with your life.

5. Surround yourself with positive people

Don't trivialize what you're going through if you face negative social pressure or bullying. It's easier to withstand it if you are aware of it as pressure and build healthy defenses. Building up a circle of trusted friends and people who share your views and beliefs in life is a good way to help reduce the impact of hostile people. You can tell yourself their opinions don't matter, and they shouldn't, but that's a lot easier when there are others who agree with you and stand by you.

Compare those who love you to whoever the bully is; suddenly you can realize that their opinion of you, your family or your lifestyle, is worthless. We inherently care about the opinions of those we respect and look up to. This works both ways; if someone has no respect for you, then what they say about you is just empty words coming from someone who is one step above being a total stranger.