Have you ever wondered if they were lying to your partner about where they were going? Maybe Facebook crept in with your ex spouse? Or did your companion ruin a perfectly nice evening by accusing you of something you're pretty sure they didn't even do?
If so, welcome to the Club of Jealousy.
The bottom line is that jealousy has nothing fun about it. It kills interactions, makes you feel insane, and gives birth to a hurtful bulb of doubt that exists inside your heart.
But sometimes trying to conquer jealousy may feel like you're trying to keep a tidal wave under control. You're not supposed to crack the dam, but you're not supposed to help your jealous water gush forward.
Nobody would like to be jealous. Jealousy can ruin a relationship that is otherwise perfect. It nourishes mistrust, harms self-esteem, and never does any good. Yet too many of us are helpless to prevent our emotions, acts, and voice from being overcome by it.
What can we do about that, then? How are you able to conquer jealousy?
Tips for overcoming jealousy in your relationship.
1. Count to Ten
There's nothing fun about catching your partner sending someone else a flirty winky text or listening to them crush over some sexy celeb, but is it really worth getting upset over these things?
Whenever you start getting frustrated about your jealousy, close your eyes, take a deep breath, and count to ten. Ask yourself, after ten seconds, if what you're upset about is really worth ruining your day.
If it is important for you to bring it up, do so calmly. Simply claim, "It makes me a little uncomfortable when you do..." instead of shouting at your companion or belittling them.
2. Trust Your Instincts
The above tip was intended for individuals struggling with unnecessary envy, not for those who doubt their partner for legitimate reasons (like partners openly flirting with others, having secret friendships, or lying to you).
How do you know if your partner is faithful? The bottom line is this: have faith in your intuition.
If you overreact to something dumb, chances are you know, but if your gut tells you that something feels off in your relationship, you're probably right!
Speak to your partner about how you feel and get to the bottom of your relationship in a way that is calm and respectful.
3. Work on Building Trust
In a safe, happy, fulfilling relationship, confidence is an integral element. Overcoming envy requires maintaining a good sense of confidence .
As a couple, you build trust when you:
Do not lie to one another
Responsibility for your actions
Provide the benefit of the doubt,
Share your emotions
Don't do something that your partner wouldn't want you to do,
Show you are trustworthy
You and your partner can develop healthy faith by doing these things, which will make you feel safe and loved in your relationship.
Just remember that nobody is perfect, and there will be times when you and your spouse unintentionally hurt each other – so it won’t hurt either of you to let some things slide every now and again.
4. Boost Self-Love
Jealousy also results from concerns with self-esteem. You may not feel deserving of receiving anyone's unconditional love or maybe someone in the past has betrayed your faith and it has left you feeling insecure giving away your heart.
A healthy partnership, whatever the case, derives from healthy levels of self-love. Boosting self-love tends to conquer envy as well. By taking time alone and learning to appreciate your own company, treating your body well, and focusing on self-expansion, you can practice improving the love and appreciation you have for yourself.
5. Communicate Your Feelings
What you and your partner consider acceptable relationship conduct can be entirely different, which is why expressing your feelings honestly is so important.
An significant step in resolving envy is expressing your feelings well. Being mindful of what acts and attitudes are going to harm your partner and vice versa will help you and your spouse establish a respect-based, healthy relationship.
6. Consider Counseling
Is your envy getting the best of the relationship with you?
Jealousy most frequently comes from something that has happened to you in the past. Maybe you had a rough childhood or you were hurt by someone you trusted mentally, verbally, or physically. Therapy will help, whatever the case: What is marital counseling and how it supports relationships?
Talking to a therapist in-person, via Zoom/Skype, or in a chat room will help you get to the root of jealousy that causes you to act out.
A therapist may also provide you with coping strategies in the future to cope with frustration or jealousy, or they may also affirm your emotions and let you know that you may have a legitimate reason to be upset.
It might be worth trying out some marital therapy or an online marriage course if your partner has done anything to make you suspicious of their intentions, maybe having been unfaithful in the past.
7. Adjust Your Relationship Expectations
Readjusting your expectations for your relationship is one tip for overcoming jealousy. Any unreasonable aspirations people often have for relationships are found here.
Just because you're in a relationship doesn't mean that you have lost the desire to find someone appealing to someone else. Noticing someone outside of your current romance doesn't mean you're not loyal to your partner or that there's something wrong with your relationship.
There is nothing to think about, as long as your partner is not acting on their attraction to anyone else.
Note that changing your expectations does not mean that your standards are decreased. You're not supposed to be with someone who makes you feel bad about yourself.
8. Express Jealousy in a Healthy Way
It's important to note that envy doesn't have to be a negative thing when expressed in the right place!
In reality, jealousy can enable couples to:
Show more respect for each other / don't take each other for granted
Increase intimacy and love
Promote change of oneself
Work hard to please each other
Act as a messenger if stuff doesn't seem right
But again, the deciding factor in how much it helps in your life would be how you show envy. If you lash out and scream at your wife, chances are your partnership won't be changed by this. But you and your partner can use jealousy as an opportunity to learn and develop as a couple if you politely express your concerns.
