Consider this scenario: A young woman is dating a young man who seems to be the very picture of charm and courtesy.But little by little it begins to change.Words of affection are replaced by sarcasm and criticism. At first, she dismisses everything as a strange but affectionate tease.However, things degenerate into a recurring pattern of verbal attacks, outbursts of anger, and expressions of deep remorse. Feeling somehow responsible for the misbehavior, the young woman silently suffers, waiting for things to change. But they don't.Her boyfriend is yelling and screaming now. During a tantrum, he even gives her a violent shove!she worries that the next time he will hits her.
Young men and women in romantic relationships characterized by physical or verbal abuse can be subjected to a relentless wave of criticism, abusive speech, and anger. In such a case,one may feel so distraught and embarrassed that what to do is not known.
Situations like this are not as rare as you might think. Researchers estimate that one in five people experienced some form of dating violence. When verbal abuse is considered a form of abuse, this estimate rises to 4 out of 5. Contrary to popular opinion, not all victims are women. According to a UK study on dating violence, "nearly equal percentages of men and women" reported having abusive partners.
Why does this misconduct occur during dating? What should you do if you find yourself in such a situation?
First, you must recognize the seriousness of this situation, it is true that imperfect people are bound to say and do things that hurt others.It is also true that even people who love and trust each other sometimes disagree.So if you're dating someone, you may experience tension from time to time.
Also, it would be unrealistic to expect your boyfriend to never utter a critical word. After all, you plan to get married,so if he is bothered by a characteristic or habit of yours, wouldn't it be love if he told you? Obviously, criticism is painful.But when it is constructive,motivated and given with love, it is not a form of offensive speech(It should noted though that Constant criticism or insults may indicate that a relationship is unhealthy.)
Yelling,hitting or insulting is something else.Anger, wrath, iniquity, offensive language should not be tolerated.They are a warning sign that your partner is unfit for you.
Other warnings signs may include:
-He often make humiliating comments about you,your family or friends,either when you are alone or with others.
-Usually ignore your desires or feelings
-Trying to be in control of all aspects of your life, insisting on knowing where you are at all times and making all the decisions for you.
-Shouts at you, pushes or threatens you
-Try to make inappropriate expressions of affection
-You can hardly do anything without worrying if it might irritate him in any way.
A man who possesses and expresses these qualities is not fit to be your partner.
It's not your fault!
However, bullies often blame their victims. Sometimes it can seem like it's your fault if your boyfriend gets angry. But his anger may have little or nothing to do with you. Violent men were often raised in homes where the use of violence or abusive language was considered normal.Peer pressure can also pressure a young man to be manly. Without self-confidence, he may feel threatened by anything you do or does.
Whatever the situation, you are not responsible for someone else's blasts. Offensive language and violence are never justified.
Change your way of thinking
Still, you may need to change your perspective.How so? Well, if a girl grew up in an atmosphere of violence and abusive language, the abusive behavior may seem normal to her.Instead of avoiding such bad behavior, she can tolerate it, maybe even find it attractive.Yes, some victims of abuse admit that they are bored with men who are too nice.Other young women have the illusion of being able to change their boyfriend.
If any of these things are true for you, you should transform yourself by changing your mind about it.You need to understand that you don't deserve to be mistreated. Cultivating modesty, being aware of your limitations can help you realize that you don't have the capacity to change an angry man. But it is his responsibility to change!
Don’t hide from the Truth
It can be difficult for some to admit that they are in an unhealthy relationship, especially if strong romantic feelings have emerged. But don't close your eyes to the truth.When you fall in love,you are almost blind and only see the positive qualities.However, if you are being abused it is important that you see what it really looks like. And if your boyfriend makes you feel threatened or degraded, something is wrong. Don't try to deny your feelings, apologize or blame yourself. Experience shows that, if left unchecked, the abuse will only escalate. Your well-being can be seriously compromised!
Of course, it would be best not to get involved with someone who lacks self-control. So if someone you don't know well wants to date you, it's a good idea to find out more about them. Why not suggest that they join a group first? It can allow you to get to know him without getting involved in a romantic relationship very quickly. Ask meaningful questions, such as: Who are your friends? What kinds of music, movies, computer games, and sports do you enjoy? Talk to people who knows that person better and see if others "speak well of him" because of his mature and dedicated behavior.
But what can you do if you are already in an abusive relationship? - check out my next article,hit the subscribe button to get notified.