So this will be a long post. No doubt about that. Here’s why I’m posting though. Not too long ago the preacher at my church gave a sermon about us being lanterns for God, & through us the lord’s light shines on others. So I wanted to share my experience & I know that I would never have the power to do it in front of a crowd. I’ve always had faith to some extent. I used to just pray for God to look after my loved ones & that was pretty much how I did it for the majority of my life.
In 2012 I went through a break up out in California. One of the toughest times of my life. I had spent months telling people that God had lifted me up to where I was at, but I found myself as low as I’ve ever been. I prayed & prayed & begged & begged. Nothing changed. In fact, things just got worse. So I gave up. I stopped praying, stopped caring, & I lost faith entirely.
A few years went by and things were fine. Not bad but not great. Just "fine". I had came back home to Kentucky at the start of 2013, bounced around jobs, got married, & was secure in virtually every aspect of my life. I found myself back at Blackboard in 2016. I gave it my all. Wore a suit everyday, never missed, used my free time to build a resume, read books & took classes on anything remotely related to call center work. I went all out. I was so desperate to accomplish this goal I started using my 1.5 hours of time driving to pray. I figured I could use all the help I could get.
I found comfort in praying. It just felt like the right thing to do. Can’t explain it. After I was pushing close to 2 years at Blackboard my department closed. They told me I would be called back within 2 weeks, but I didn’t want to chance it. Bills... So I applied at Senture during the break. I almost left once before for Senture, but the first opportunity for a promotion came open right after I got offered the job at Senture. I was sure I would get promoted so I stuck with Blackboard. In the end I applied for around 30 jobs & never got a single interview. I didn't want to let Senture down agaon & burn the bridge. So I was going to try to work both jobs.
I ended up stuck with both jobs for my first month at Senture. I knew I had to pick one otherwise I'd fail both places trying to juggle them. I turned to God & put it in his hands. I asked that he take me down the right path. I tried to help myself. I made a list of what I liked about each place & because I was comfortable where I was, I stacked it in favor of Blackboard. Somehow though, I still ended up choosing Senture. Even though I hated the idea of sacrificing my progress to start all over again. Something I can’t explain pulled me there.
So it was the same here. I gave it my best & applied for everything. I actually got interviews but still got rejected. However, that just made me more sure that I would get somewhere. There were a good 10 jobs I got interviewed for. One by one they all turned me down. It ended up that every single job I had applied for was gave to someone else. I kept on praying. Kept on practicing interview question answers on my breaks. Kept on believing my time would come. One day I'm pulling into work & someone rear ends me on the highway. Totals my car. I'm pressured into going to the doctor by my superiors. So I go. I was close with my supervisor (Who was awesome by the way), & I knew they would hear about the wreck. So I figured I would use the time waiting on my ride to let them know I was alright & why I was gone. To my surprise I have an email from one of the people who had interviewed me a month or so prior asking me to call them. A few minutes later I end up with my dream job.
Not only did I finally succeed in getting promoted, but I also got a job that was far more awesome than anything I had ever applied for. It was the perfect fit for me. I ended up with the most awesome boss and coworkers. Ended up getting to work from home. Just absolutely the greatest job on Earth. So it took YEARS of praying and believing but in the end it was well worth the wait. I continued to pray & eventually there was another part of my life that I was not happy with. I assumed it was my fault so initially I prayed asking God to make me a better husband. Not long after I am cooking, cleaning, & just doing everything possible to try to make my wife happy. Nothing changes though. I start asking God daily to fix the marriage. I was never really happy with it. Both of us literally got married for the reason of not being alone. After a few months I changed it up. I pray "Either help fix this marriage or end it, whichever you see fit" since I knew marriage is a sacred vow.
I asked the person to just tell me what they wanted me to do. I had sacrified and worked to be better. It didn't seem to matter. I gave them an "out" by offering them to just tell me if they didn't want to be with me. Yet they didn't. Finally I told them I was going to leave. Things started to look up for the last 2-3 weeks. Then one Friday they didn't come home after work. I had already suspected cheating, called them on it, but they denied it. So I woke up on Saturday & tried to call them. No answer. No response to my texts. It wasn't uncommon for them to not be home, but they hadn't taken either of our vehicles. So someone had picked her up. I called hospitals and jails, I checked all the places they would typically say they were at, & they were nowhere to be found. Eventually they came home. Whoever dropped them off dropped them down the street. Sure enough, she had spent the night with the guy I had seen text messages from.
So I started packing & moved out. The truth came out somewhere during me moving out. I had not expected to hurt over it, but I had grown complacent where I was at. So having my entire life turned upside down was tougher than I expected. The only thing keeping me sane was hanging out with friends & family that I could talk to & praying. I started trying to hit up every girl I had turned down while I was married. One by one it didn't work out. I started praying that God would give me "The One" now that I felt that I was worthy of someone good. At some point I had been advised that I didn't know what I wanted because I didn't have a list of stuff I desired in another person. So I tried to make a list. I got 3 things on it before I realized that if I kept going it was just going to make it impossible to find someone else. My list was:
1. Someone I have history with (Preferably)
2. Someone who is my best friend
3. Someone loyal.
Out of nowhere someone I had history with wrote me. The only girl that I had ever done crazy stuff for (Literal crazy stuff). They randomly offered to lend an ear. So I eventually took them up on the offer & for several weeks we just talked. They ended up becoming my best friend. I realized that I would ramble them relentlessly so I would try to give them a chance to talk. I asked about a tattoo she had of a chinese symbol. She tells me it means "loyalty". At some point I realized that I had thought about her for years whereas I forgot other girls. I realized that the only thing I wanted to do was just be near her. I realized she was my "list" made real. I started thinking that she was sent my way by God. Next thing I know... Boom. Head over heels for her.
I realize that every time I put something in God's hands it is handled. So I start trusting that there is a reason behind anything that happens. When I get "depressed" or something really bothers me, I give it to God. One by one they all get resolved. Some of them almost instantly. Had an issue with a hotel charging me twice. I pray about it & it is resolved within a few minutes. I pray for a 2nd job because I need to occupy my mind during free time. Next day I get the job I would have picked. I pray that God will help me not fail to come through on a promise I made. Within 48 hours I get the vehicle & an offer for a home which are exactly what I promised to have waiting for Heather. Then I switch my focus to what I thought was surely hopeless. Getting her out of jail. I pray that God will show his capabilities, & I ask that he guide me as he sees fit in order to make this goal a reality.
In discussing it one of my coworkers gives me the website to contact the governor. It has a form to fill out to contact him. I start writing him almost daily. I write actual letters to the Department of Corrections and the governor. I email the governor. I spend hours praying on just the one topic of getting her out. The governor releases almost 1000 people which gets my hopes up. She isn't one of them. Crushes my hopes. I start a petition despite thinking most people would consider me an idiot for posting it & thinking of how dumb I will look with a failed petition. To my surprise almost 400 people sign it. Several of which write the governor. I continue to tell her that God is going to deliver. & sure enough he does. & as usual it exceeds anything I expected.