Episode-three
After being born from the womb, every human being grows up with one, moving forward on the path to the future. A smile on the face, how many people do for two tears! I didn't get any smile from my mother's face, father's love, inspiration from my loved ones. I have moved towards the future in accordance with the laws of nature. Everything I am in the position I am in today is a contribution of nature. I thought that one day Adiba will understand me, love me, pull me to her chest, caress me, caress me as much as the world caresses me.
But that day may never come in my painful life. I too will not get the touch of the object called happiness.
What a beautiful rain outside! The greed is to go out with Adiba, to get wet in the rain. But did that fate give me the rule? However, dreaming is no longer allowed. How many people in this world are constantly dreaming. Some of them are fulfilled, maybe mine will not be. But can I dream?
Adiba is sitting by the window watching nature play. Suddenly I noticed a gust of wind with some raindrops and embraced Adiba. Adiba wore a sari, a blue sari. The saree falls from the shoulder. I did not turn my face in shame. But all his things are mine but it did not work, it will not work in the future.
I told Adiba that day, leaving behind my self-respect, humiliation, shame, self-consciousness,
Wet in the rain with me? I wish someone would hold my hand in deep rain in deep compassion. I'll get him wet in the rain. There was no fuck in this wish, not at all. Yet that day my wish was not fulfilled.
When I told Adiba, she was silent for a while, then said.
"It takes love to get wet in the rain by holding someone's hand in deep compassion, it takes harmony of mind. You can't get wet in the rain by holding someone's hand if you want to. There is nothing like that between you and me. Why should I get wet in the rain? If you want, you can get wet. I will hold your hand and stay away, I will not get wet together.
Even that day I did not say anything, I listened to everything in silence. Then I threw myself in the rain with the curse of loneliness. I thought that the sacred object called tears had dried up long ago. But that day when my eyes were constantly crying, I realized that human tears never run out. Time understands and cries, eternity will go. I also cried that day, I cried a lot. No one could see my tears that day. The salty tears in my eyes washed away with the rain.
We have been married for three months. In these three months I have tried a lot to get close to Adiba but I have failed every time. Once for a second but could not succeed.
Slowly, like a tortoise, I began to distance myself from my married wife, Adibar. Because I realized that Adibar, like everyone else in the world, has no value in my suffering, no value in love. He is also busy with himself, the most important thing for him is to be well. He will not be able to scratch my mind whether I am good or bad.
As soon as I wake up in the morning, I see someone holding a mug of coffee in his soft hand with boundless love.
Eat your coffee. Otherwise it will get cold.
- I think I'm dreaming, sipping coffee will break the dream, I'm sure.
- No, don't break. Because it is real, not a dream. Eat the coffee and get fresh. I'm arranging breakfast.
Adiba went to the kitchen. But I'm still looking at him. I did not understand what was happening. But it's good that I realized it.
For the first time in my twenty-five years, I feel like someone is feeding me rice with my own hands. I have never seen my mother since I realized. When the mother was alive, she would probably caress and feed her son with her own hands and give him a bath. But I don't remember that. After the death of his mother at the age of six, his father remarried. The arrival of a new wife in my father's life was pleasant, but the arrival of a new mother in my life was not pleasant. From the age of six I have bathed with my own hands, eaten rice with my own hands, washed my own clothes with my own hands, walked to school on my own feet. But at that time I was always supposed to hold someone's hand in absolute love.
Today, when Adiba is handing me everything with her own hands, it seems that I am not alone. I have one too.
I am sitting in the office. Wanting to think about someone. But who to think about? What can not be thought of Adiba. Besides, I have no one else. I did not understand the reason for such a change in the beginning. I think there is a reason behind this. There is a reason behind everything in the world. There may be a reason behind this. Again it seemed that he was alone in this world like me. He also has no one to call a man of love. Maybe he's upset about his lonely life, he wants to get rid of it. She may also want someone to hug her while fixing her sari. He may also wish that when all the people of the world fall asleep, they will hold the hand of someone and see the moon in the sky in the middle of the night.
Six months have passed since our marriage. Now I don’t feel alone. For me now no one stays up at night waiting, not eating. Adiba takes good care of me now. But I haven't touched him yet. But what is his care or less? Maybe one day he will hug me and say, why haven't you come to me for so long? Don't you love me That day may not be far off.
Today is our wedding anniversary. Our marriage will be one year old. A lot has happened between us in this one year. Adiba used to go out with me every week. When the time came, we would go somewhere far away. But we kept our distance. I think there is no more sacred love in the world. I am the only one who knows how much fuck we kept after we became husband and wife.
But today I will tell Adiba everything that is on my mind. Maybe he's waiting for me too. On this Basar night he pushed me away. Maybe today she will express the love of Basar night.
I am standing in front of Adibar with a bunch of roses.
I want to tell you something.
- I have something to say to you.
- Yes you said, I'll tell you later.
- I told you a lie. I told you I don't have a boyfriend. But that is not true. I have a boyfriend. I would run away with him the day before the wedding. But he was out. Then from the time I got married to you, I used to talk to him without your knowledge. He told me to wait three months. But again he said he can't come before one year. I have to wait a year, after a year he will take me. So I was with you for a year. My boyfriend is coming to the country tomorrow.
- That means you have used me for your needs for so long. Have you acted in love?
- No, I didn't act, I had a great time with you. But I love someone else. Forgive me.
I didn't say anything. I went to the washroom and looked at my eyes.
Let's go ...