Your home, a refuge or a threat?

We have been taught that we must always forgive, love or respect our family members, and it really shouldn't be that way... I am a believer that if someone disrespects you it is better to keep them completely away, whether they are family or not.

I will start by saying that not all families are what they appear to be or what they should be. Some have problems, others belong to really toxic nuclei that even if they are related do a lot of damage. We are always told the typical phrase ``family is family'' and that we have no choice but to endure those abuses that can cause damage both physically and mentally.

I have seen many similar cases where that relative mistreated by his family, it is difficult for him to move away, because, in one way or another, he carries those words mentioned above in every minute of his life that avoids cutting ties with them definitively.

Today I met a similar story, where the mother of this person damaged her not only physically, but mentally as well. She put absurd ideas into her where she herself felt she could not make sense of her own life, she felt inadequate, she wondered what she had done wrong, if she was a bad daughter or a bad human being.

I remember her mentioning that the only advice she was given was ``It's your mom, if she does it, it's for a reason, because she loves you''. It really is sad, her story itself is, I had no words, in fact, I didn't release any, I just gave her a hug, a supportive hug, being a way of communicating to her that it was okay to let go, to vent and not stagnate.

She commented that the best decision in her life was to get away from that woman who hurt her for most of her life, because that was not love, it was psychological abuse and how right she is. In fact, they were super toxic moments in themselves.

I am here writing each of these words, to be able to tell you that it is okay to get away from family members who are extremely toxic, it is okay to let go and even if it hurts, first is your mental and physical health. However, there are times when it is not possible to identify, that is, to know if I am in a toxic core or not, because it is difficult to define what a toxic family is like, because family problems can come from many sources within the same family.

For this reason, to recognize if you are in a toxic environment you have to reflect on how you feel when you think about your family, if they make you feel supported and you are convinced that they will support you and help you when you need it most, even if they do not share your decisions, probably your family is closer to being functional. On the other hand, if when you think about your family you feel that you are not part of it, or that they do not accept or support you, or even feel that they give you more problems than help, you should start to consider that maybe your family could be classified as a dysfunctional or toxic family.

There are many consequences of growing up in a toxic family, which can be many, therefore, they go to family and systemic therapy. At a more general level we can see the consequences of having grown up in a toxic family in:

• Low self-esteem

• Emotional management problems

• Depression

• Eating disorders

• High self-demanding

However, I will leave you here below some recommendations to distance yourself completely from that toxic core:

• Set boundaries

• Put some distance

• Do not try to change

• Express what you feel

I hope you liked this article.

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Tell me, how did you like it and what is your opinion about it?