Where Am I At After Three Years of Being Married?

Today marks the third year of my marriage to my husband. Since this morning I have been asking myself, where am I and how am I after three years of being married? I honestly do not know how to start answering that question. I have so much to say but I am also speechless- I don’t know where and how to begin.

After thinking some time and staring at my keyboard, a word came up and it was growth. Marriage offers a ton of opportunities for growth. There will be times when that growth is very unattractive, but if you want your marriage to work you got to have that desire and love for growth. Of course, love for one another got to be there, in the first place, after all it was the reason why you two started-you fell in love with each other.

Now, I do not have a degree in Marriage and Family Life Studies, but please allow me to share with you, things that I have learned in the course of three years. Hopefully after writing what I learned, I might be able to figure out the answer to the question that I have asked myself early this morning.  

Love. Love is the soul of marriage. Remove it and all will be left maybe is pity for one another. Love is the catalyst of all the goodness marriage offers. When you love your spouse, you will see the good despite the bad. You will see sunshine amidst the storms. When weird habits and old traditions starts to show up in the surface, you will have the ability to brush it aside saying, Oh, that’s fine! Why? Because you LOVE your partner. Only those who have seen their spouses in their lowest stage and still loved them, can understand what I am trying to say here.

Selflessness. There has always been that tendency to think that because I am a woman, my husband should prioritize me because I am his wife. But right now, while I am typing this, I realized how selfish I was and sometimes am. Wait, let us not forget the fact that each of us has the tendency to be selfish in terms of attention and care without us noticing the very act. So, forgive yourself if you happen to be so selfish in terms of those things in your relationship. It usually happens because we assure ourselves that our person loves us back in a way that we love them or maybe at least reciprocate the love that we give to them. But whatever the reason we have in being selfish at times I hope we don’t let it run our relationship. Were heading down south if we do that.

Patience. Patience takes on a lot of form and is required in almost every situation. From the smallest to the largest one, I mean from the scattered pair of socks up to the irresponsibility that men sometimes show and many other stuffs. I noticed that most of the things that ruins my day are my lack of patience towards my husband over the petty things that he keeps on messing up. I remember when I watched the movie Little Women and Marmie spoke to Joe after she fought with Amy. Marmie said that she is angry almost everyday of her life, Jo then asked, how does she handle it and Marmie said,” I try.” I love that conversation of Jo and Marmie because it helps me find a way on how I can control my anger. It teaches me of patience at a whole new level. That if I find myself falling into the pit of anger, I should not let it get the best of me but rather I should try. Try not to get angry.  That’s when patience gets into the picture.

Dates. If you happen to think that dating is only for couple who are starting their relationship, you are in the wrong side of the boat. Dating is like water to a plant. It nurtures it and it refreshes it along the passing of time. Some wives and some husbands think that they re too busy and that the other one will surely understand because what they are doing is for the family, I say no, there is no definitely replacement for the feeling of joy and adventure that married couple feels when they go out of their house and go somewhere nice and just talk about random things and feel the moment. I know it is quite tough when you got kids because of course, you have to bring them with you and sometimes they wail and gnash their teeth in public (hahaha just kidding with the teeth gnashing) but yeah seriously, they could throw tantrums randomly anywhere. But when you a know that a date is going to refresh the husband-wife relationship that you have, it is then worth every tantrum your child could throw.

Conversations. Its bad that this came last, but that does not demean its high importance, no. When couples talk about life, goal, dreams and the future, they talk about what is inside them. They talk about something that each of them value and that is very levitating! It builds them and it reassures each of them that they have a companion as they venture into the uncertain future. Isn’t that something that each of us craves? I realized that I when I feel hurt, disrespected or unseen, the remedy to that is to speak and have conversations with your husband or wife. When I say speak, I meant speaking softly and not harshly. Conversations that are spoken in love and compassion can cure almost all chaos that couples experience.

(Sigh) I think I am beginning to understand where I am now after these three years. I am glad. I think that is what I feel. I can say I have been through a lot but I am glad. I am glad that we are still together that we still love each other. I am not a perfect wife and nether is my husband, but we try and after all that is the most important-when couples try no matter how difficult it seems. Through the years, I have seen how powerful trying is in the marriage life. Like, when you do not want to agree with your husband, but then you try. When you don’t want to forgive your spouse cause you think he does not deserve, but then you try. When you don’t want to care cause, he has been so insensitive but then you try. Trying makes all the difference and I think its where most couples fail. Cause when things get hard, human nature makes you tired enough to try.

Been a while since my last article. 
I am glad I survived my dark days and silent battles. 
So glad to be back! ♥