A Letter to the Empath Who is Tired of Energy Vampires

To the Empath who is Tired of Energy Vampires,

I see you.

Here’s the thing. We feel so much, so deeply, take on many things and are always labelled and misunderstood. We put others first and lose ourselves to it by serving them. We may think that caring for those who completely drain us of our energy is the best act of care we can give. We care so much. But an empath who feels suffocated and emotionally burnt out is actually doing the world a disservice.

Let me explain.

Empaths who live a disempowered life by serving others through feelings of obligations are self-sabotaging. Not only are you causing suffering within yourself, but you’re also causing suffering to those who happen to be bystanders to the energy drainer(s) that you’re dealing with.

Without learning how to cope correctly, you’re adding to the negative energy field that the energy drainer has created. When an empath feels burnt out, the negativity around them has compounded. The reason? You’re putting out what you’re feeling, and if you’re constantly feeling tired, sad, and damaging, you’re not helping anyone.

Here’s an example.

My mother is an energy vampire. I can become too drained and consumed with my thoughts, solving her problems, or making her feel validated, that it’ll take away time and energy from those that matter to me most, my kids.

On a mental [mind] level, the mental state that she puts me through with all her manipulations and criticism is unbearable. After my encounters with her, it naturally takes my patience away from my kids, work, husband and life because I’m irritable and upset. On a simple scale, I’m spreading the negative energy around should I snap at one of my boys, and because I’m less attentive to my kids and have now brought their moods down, they tend to take it out on each other and thus equals more fighting. This typically ends in me yelling at both of them to stop it because I’m overwhelmed, but nothing is solved. I feel guilty because I flourish in my time with my kids, and I believe in emotional intelligence. Therefore, I spend a tremendous amount of time with my boys, talking to them, coaching them about their emotions, and dealing with others. I made a promise to myself that I was going to be the nurturing accepting mother for them. I wanted to be the mother that I had always wanted for myself, for me to constantly break my promise for someone who never valued me, to begin with.

On a body level, because my energy can be ungrounded when I’m around her, it’s easy for me to develop that buddha belly because I’m stress-eating. I’m not at peace because I’m not my authentic self with her. Not only that, but family life, work-life, and personal life has all been affected — I’m not operating at my optimal, and there is no clarity. Eating for grounding or transition-eating is a way to soothe ourselves. The basic idea of this kind of eating is to use food as a way to get into your body — into the moment, into the feelings right here — right now. Doing this will fuel her criticism of my figure and naturally affects my self-esteem — equals more negativity.

On a spiritual [soul] level, not only do I absorb the energy that she immits, but I also combine that with my own emotions and feelings as well as the feelings of guilt that I had caused with my kids and then, of course, their feelings as well. I absorb all of this when things go off course, particularly when I deal with energy vampires. So as you can see, the energy has its compounded in me and the cycle spirals into oblivion. There is no clarity for decision-making as the waves of feelings and emotions are intense.

My fellow empaths, you know that this is a very mild example of how overwhelming things can get for us. And because we can naturally endure and make space for others, our decision fatigue and emotional burnout are only going to multiply and spiral out of control. Why? Because we are humans, and humans have limits.

To empower ourselves, we need to draw boundaries, but to do that, we need to tackle the most challenging task, which is to know our authentic selves. By this I mean, our basic nature and temperaments as we all came into this life being uniquely unique. No two empaths will view the world the same way, and no two people will live the same life.

Seriously, this is step one.

Really get to know the core of who you are without all conditioning that you’ve gone through. The essence of why you do what you do, values, beliefs, and especially your shadow self. This is necessary. How else do you draw realistic boundaries that are non-negotiable? How else will you be able to accept and live with those boundaries yourself? Most importantly, know why these boundaries are important to you.

Get to know and understand your empathetic nature. Be comfortable in your energy and recognize when you’ve absorbed someone else’s energy or when things are out of place for you.

You are not created in this world to be an extension of your parents or others. You do not exist as an emotional punching bag to a particular person. Your reason for existence is much greater than all of this. This is why finding out who you are and knowing your greater purpose is essential to living out your empathetic nature. When you figure this out, you shift from reacting to others to now responding to others with conviction.

Step two. Really get to know your shadow side.

Understand that the energy fields within the life we live are in a give and take motion. Life is intertwined, always. The balance of good and evil, and us empaths, we have that side too. Knowing this side of us will allow us to be distinct from ourselves and align with what we value.

Truth be told, it is a hard and scary process to admit to yourself how dark you can be. But I realized that those of true good nature would bounce back from this self-discovery with more intel to navigate their lives better. It’ll serve as a measurement for what you’ll allow in your life and how much space you’re actually willing to give before losing it all. Therefore humanizing yourself and accepting that this is who you are is a powerful stance to hold.

Step three. Boundaries.

This is a hard one for all of us because you’ll find that in extreme cases, at the very edge of this word is a cliff that will determine survival for ourselves or our counterparty, and we are going to be faced with a choice — it’s them or us.

I urge you to pick yourself.

You will find that eventually, you’ll need to let go of all things that don’t serve you but especially of all things that you can no longer serve. The more you hold on, the more suffering you’ll receive, and the more this spreads to everyone else around you. At some point during this process, you may feel like a horrible person but understand that your empath nature is also limited to the human body it resides in. You’re allowed to be human too.

Also, understand that it’s not your responsibility to save those in your life or everyone you meet.

Realize that the universe’s plans for them are much bigger than yours. The sadness, pain and suffering although very real emotions will eventually become a choice. Some people choose to stand up and do something about it, some people choose to dwell in it refusing to find acceptance. So, how can you heal if they don’t choose to want to heal?

Finally.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying don’t extend yourself out to others. What I am saying is, don’t lose yourself in the process. It’s a fine line.

I don’t believe that we’re here to endure life through so much pain and suffering. If you were God, the Divine, the Universe, or whoever else you may call to as your higher being, would you want to see that? Otherwise, why would there be empaths?

I believe empaths are here to give karmic energy back into the world, in whichever way we can that does not completely drain us, to offset life’s negativity. All because we can sense things and understand others. How lucky are we?

It can be as simple as tidying up the dishes on your table at a restaurant for a busy, tired waitress — because you’re considerate of her time and efforts. This small act of kindness may leave a smile on her face, a sigh of thanks, and lighten up the mood that she’s in. In turn, she’ll likely carry this energy to the next table that she waits on.

It’s a two-way street. Even on an atom, photonic scale, we’ve made a difference.

Most importantly, your suffering ends when you align yourself with your basic nature, temperament and values. Not to the conditioning of others. Life really begins when you start taking action to who you truly, truly, are, your purpose and what you really hold value. When you’re able to regain your power, everyone else around you will also benefit from it.

This is also where real confidence lies and with confidence comes inner strength and energy. No longer will you be concerned with other’s opinions and judgements on you because how can they judge you if they’re incapable of seeing the entire picture of who you are?

Be honest with yourself during this process and then be brave to take the steps needed to take back your energy. Know that going against your energy will always result in frustration, anger, pain, and bitterness. Why? Because, again, empaths have limits and feelings too.

Know you can’t do it all, you can’t solve them all, and you can’t save them all. But understanding where you stand and how much you’re willing to endure makes the situation less conflicting and easier to handle.

Finding balance within your mind body and soul is your key.

So ask yourself, is holding on worth the fight? Is the juice worth the squeeze? Will they ever see your worth and when it happens would the pain and sacrifices be worth it? You’ll have the right answers when you know without a doubt that it just feels right, even if it seems hurtful.

This is your empowered state, and my goodness, it’s both liberating and painful at the same time. It’s a beautiful place to be.

Things that have helped me discover my 3 brains, also known as my mind, body and soul are:

Body:
- Understanding my Human Graph * a big one
- Yoga

Mind:
- Deep Meditation for self-discovery
- Practice the art of being mindful, awareness and being present in the moment

Soul:
- Self-care
- Meditation
- Being in nature
- Writing
- Distance from, and dis-identify with, your thoughts.
- Find your inner voice and state your truth

Best wishes to you, friend.