Before I Go to Bed II

Somebody somewhere predicted that the doomsday called war might come tomorrow, February 16. I hope so badly it won't but I must admit I've been living on the edge. There are moments throughout the day that I feel calm and somewhat ready for whatever danger is coming but then yesterday's Valentine's day fireworks frightened me. Just a week ago when I started my new job this topic wasn't even in conversations but today, oh, a different story.

The new job has helped, it's good to be doing something that keeps my mind off of bad thoughts. This week I already met more colleagues, got to know everybody better. Talked a lot. Me. An introvert. Still in disbelief that I found a place where I feel at home. Almost too good to be true. Valentine's day was nice. There were love songs on the radio and people talked about dinner plans with loved ones. Laughter and heart-shaped dessert for lunch. But today? People seemed calm on the surface but conversations revolved mostly around one subject. And no love songs on the radio. News and personal opinions of radio personalities mostly. Scary. Weird. Seems like nobody is ready for the next steps (what steps?) if this situation escalates but at least there is a sense of reconciliation because... what else except accepting and reassuring can we do?

Yesterday, while falling asleep next to my boyfriend, I felt at peace. What more could one need than for someone who loves them to hold them? Not much I'd say.

A loud bang woke me up later that night. I asked my boyfriend "Is this war?". He went to check all the windows and other things he could think of but we didn't understand what that was. Not war.

Fell back asleep. Then the morning came. We lived, we laughed & we ate chips. Going to bed alone tonight.

Hope to see the sun in the sky tomorrow,
Goodnight