One of the most traumatic and emotional events in life may be a breakup or divorce. The breakup of a relationship can turn your entire life upside down and cause all kinds of painful and disturbing feelings, regardless of the reason for the split, and whether you want it or not.
A divorce or breakup can be particularly difficult, even if a relationship is no longer healthy, because it reflects the loss, not just of the friendship, but also of the hopes and promises you shared. On a high note of optimism and expectations for the future, romantic relationships begin. We feel profound disappointment, tension, and sadness when a relationship ends.
You are launched into uncharted waters through a separation or divorce. All is interrupted: your routine and tasks, your workplace, your relationships with extended friends and family, and even your identity. A separation brings confusion about the future as well. Without your partner, what is life going to be like? You going to find someone else? Are you going to end up alone? These unknowns can also seem worse than being in a relationship that is unhappy.
This pain, disruption, and confusion means that it can be hard and take time to heal from a breakup or divorce. It's important, however, to keep reminding yourself that this challenging experience can and will get you through and even move on with a renewed sense of hope and optimism.
Allow yourself to grieve the loss of the relationship
Grief is a natural response to loss, and there are different losses involved in the breakup or divorce of a love relationship:
Loss of companionship and experiences shared (which may or may not have been consistently pleasurable).
Loss of financial, intellectual, social, or emotional support.
Loss of goals, plans, and dreams (which can be even more painful than practical losses).
It can be frightening to allow yourself to sense the pain of these losses. You may be worried that your feelings will be too strong to handle, or that you will forever be trapped in a dark spot. Just note that grief is important to the process of healing. It is precisely the pain of grief that makes you let go of the old relationship and move on. And it won't last forever, no matter how deep your sorrow is.
Tips for grieving after a breakup or divorce
Don't fight your emotions. Getting lots of ups and downs is common, and feeling many conflicting feelings, including frustration, resentment, disappointment, relief, fear, and uncertainty. Identifying and recognizing these feelings is crucial. While these feelings will also be unpleasant, it will only prolong the grieving process to attempt to suppress or ignore them.
Speak on how you feel. Even if it's uncomfortable for you to speak to other people about your emotions, finding a way to do so while you're grieving is really essential. Knowing that others are conscious of your emotions will make you feel less alone in your suffering and help you recover. It can also be a helpful outlet for your emotions to write in a journal.
Know that the end goal is to move on. You can be liberated in some way by sharing your feelings, but it is important not to concentrate on negative feelings or over-analyze the situation. You'll be deprived of vital resources and discouraged from healing and moving forward by getting caught in hurtful feelings like blame, rage, and resentment.
Remind yourself that there is always a hope for you. You build many hopes and dreams for a life together when you devote yourself to another person. It is difficult to let these expectations go after a breakup. Be inspired by the fact that new hopes and aspirations will inevitably replace your old ones, while you grieve the loss of the future you once dreamed.
Understand the difference between a natural response and depression to a breakup. After a breakup, depression may be paralyzing, but after a while, the sorrow starts to rise. Day by day, and you start moving on, little by little. You may be suffering from depression, however, if you don't feel any forward momentum.
Helping your kids during a breakup or divorce
A child will feel confused, frustrated, and unsure as well as deeply sad when mom and dad break up. As a parent, by offering stability and listening to the needs of your child with a reassuring, optimistic attitude, you can help your children deal with the breakup.