Healthy relationships

Intimacy respect a sense of being valued good communication these are some of the things that most people would agree make for a healthy relationship and researchers would agree too There is a Large body of literature romantic relationship That has identified the features of healthy relationships And the list i just provided contains many of them

Researchers also agree on what makes for unhealthy relationships , things like fighting so much that you just can not work things out; not being able to go to your partner for support when you need it; contempt , criticism, hostility, violence. When these problems happen in a relationship they can cause significant unhappiness. They can lead to the end of the relationship and divorce, and they can literally make people physically and emotionally sick .

this is why it is so critical that people have healthy relationships. But there is a problem, how many people know i mean , really know what to do on a day to day basis , to create healthy relationships?

My point is this we may know what a healthy relationship looks alike ,but most people have no idea how to get one , and no one here to teach to do so, we need to teach people about healthy relationships. Now you know when we typically do so ? --After it is too late. It is called couple therapy . It is a wonderful thing to do couple therapy but many people come to couple therapy with so many ingrained problems and patterns that they just can not change . It is too late you know when else we try to teach people how to have healthy relationships ? Right before they get married . It is call premarital education . And this is a good idea teach people how to have a good one while they are still happy , presumably and it can work but my opinion it is still too late

why?
because people have already selected , the person they want to commit their life to. What if they selected poorly? No amount of premarital education can make up for a bad partner choice . So the ways we have tried to teach people how to have a healthy relationships have been limited because they fail to address three important things : genuinely knowing what you want and need in a partner and a relationship , selecting the right person , and developing and using skills right from the beginning . I don't mean the beginning of any particular relationship. I mean the beginning -beginning like as soon as possible . We need to teach people especially young people. There are three skills for having a good relationship:

1-insight

2-mutuality

3-emotion regulation

that from the basis for what we call romantic competence . Romantic competence is the ability to function adaptively across all areas or all aspects of the relationship process, from figuring out what you need , to finding the right person , to build a good relationship and to getting out of relationships that are unhealthy .

so let me tell you about the skills the first one is insight : which is about awareness and understanding and learning . So with insight , you will have a better idea of who you are what you need , what you want why you do the things you do. So lets say you are being really snappy to your partner with insight you might notice or realise that it is not that your partner is doing anything but actually you are really stressed out at work. What you really need is to relax a little bit, insight will also let you know your partner better. Let's say that your partner shows up late for a date . With insight , you will know why. For example may be your partner is late for everything . It is nothing about you and it is nothing about you and nothing about the relationship.
too be continued.......

thanks for reading....