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Do your friends have you as their friend?

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Written by   1
1 year ago

That question may sound meaningless but read it again. Then ask yourself if you truly have friends?

During my undergraduate days, I didn't really have a particular circle that I had as permanent or consistent friends. Not because I wouldn't want to have but because it was never favourable to me. At first I was scared to take a step back from toxic friends because I would think: who will I hang out with? Or how will I cope if I don't make new friends.

One thing I enjoyed most was solving problems as a team, although most of the time I end up doing about 85% of both the brain work and the physical analysis and then when it's seminar time everyone will make life miserable for me by causing unrest as I gave to take all my time to teach them what I did to solve the problem. Well, I never complained because I was always open to researching and learning new things, it was a plus to me at all times. I also liked the fact that I had people I could share my ideas with and sometimes brainstorm with, in cases where someone showed interest in the topic.

But as days went by, I start to realise that these set of people actually have me for problems solving and not for friendship as I thought. I was someone anyone could run to even at the dieing minute for help and I would glad take it on me to fix whatever it is, but a lot of these last minute issues could have been solved in time if only the person had taken it seriously from beginning. But no, they'll wait till the last minute because they already concluded that there's someone they know who will fix it ANYTIME.

In my 4th and final year, I made up my mind to go solo though I had my best friend although we weren't sharing the same courses but his contributions were always helpful and I was contended with that. When I went solo it was as if I won't survive but to my greatest surprise it took the other turn. I saw how unnecessary emergency works without even genuine application had been stopping me severally from reaching my goals at a particular time because I wasn't strong enough to say No! when necessary. I used to forgo my personal activity just to fix someone else.

On this realisation of the wrong habit, I was glad I took the decision. Life because much more purposeful and I could see myself working within my schedule and easily meeting my targets.

Now here's my question:

Do you have friends that don't have you as their friend? You might think you've been in a circle of friends but think again! Have you always been the one they come to when in need but not the one to go for picnics and crazy but beautiful weekend trips with?

If you've always been the one that gets all jobs pushed to in a group of people then you might have to think again. Some people thinks they won't survive if they go solo but that's not true.

When I went solo, I had the opportunity to find others who were much more interested in brainstorming and solving problems as a team. I never knew such students even on campus because they were studying courses far different from computing but picked interest in it at some point and started it as a leisure. That was a double pleasure for me to have taken the step of removing myself from a group of people who only knew how to use my kindheartednes for their benefits..

If I had all the time and the power in the world, I will not mind being there for everyone as much as I can but because I'm human I can't and I also have times that I would need someone to be there for me but to my surprise I get excuses which made me know I was never valued but used.

It's not ok to keep on with these kinds of people:

  • People who talk you down when it's not what they expected.

  • People who never lack the excuse to give you, not remembering how you've been useful to them.

  • People who exclude telling you when they know of something that you would have benefited from.

  • Anyone who never calls, texts or checks up on you through whatever means but once they have a slight problem they hit you up not just to enquire how to go about it but to request you assist in doing it for them.

Friendships are supposed to be mutual, we shouldn't beg for the presence of people in our lives. That space you are wondering what you will do if it becomes empty, someone is waiting to fill it up. A genuine friendship should not be one sided, if it's one sided then it's toxic. Don't settle for less when you can have the BEST.

Having reliable friends is a beautiful thing that everyone who is reliable as a friend should also enjoy. Also if you notice that you are such a friend that enjoys using others then this is a call for change. Do not use people because you feel they are weak. Their weaknesses will soon make them strong and they will build a wall around them that you cannot climb.

Cherish true friendship.

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Written by   1
1 year ago
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