Pouring All My Thoughts In This Blog

What's up everyone? How's life going on? Hope you are all doing good right now.

Well, I decided to write an article here today. Though I had been thinking about writing one these past few days, I never get the time to start making it. My mind and heart are still not okay to be honest. It's been two weeks since my son had left us and since that day maybe there's only two or three days that I didn't shed tears. I miss him so bad. I want to hug him, talk to him and many more but I can't do that anymore. I thought as time pass by I would slowly get used of not seeing him but I was wrong. Day by day living without him is like killing myself slowly. I'm now at some point where I don't want to do anything. I just want to cry and cry to lessen the pain but nothing change. Instead it's getting more painful than one could ever imagine.

Moving on is easy to say but doing it is so hard knowing that I am not ready for this kind of goodbye. I'm hurting and my chest hurts so much everytime I cry. There were times that I woke up at dawn and what I would do was just cry silently so my family won't hear me especially my other kids. I don't like this kind of pain. It makes me weak as I can't do anything to get it away from my heart as of now.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know what to do. Ya Allah, please take this pain away from me. I still have so many things to fulfill to my family but my heart and mind are so weak right now. 😭😭😭

Some thought that I'm okay because I laugh together with my family but little did they know I was broken inside and I don't know how to pick each pieces to make me whole again. Right now, I don't have the courage to fix myself. Grieving of losing my precious child is the most painful thing that I have experience. I don't know when I will be able to recover from this or the question is can I really recover from this? Because honestly, as time pass by the pain I'm feeling is getting intense. I'm starting to get depress and I don't want to talk it to anyone as I don't want to bother them because they also have life to focus on. All I did is pray that hoping one day I will be able to embrace and accept this reality that my son leave us permanently.

*Nak, miss na kaayo ka nj mama. Wa nako kabalo unsa Ako dapat buhaton karon. Gusto kaayo tika makita.* 😭😭😭