In our selfie-obsessed, celebrity-driven world, the term narcissism is often used to describe anyone who seems overly narcissistic or full of themselves. In psychological terms, however, narcissism does not imply self-love—at least not true self-love. People with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) are more accurately defined as being in love with an idealised, grandiose image of themselves. And they adore this inflated sense of self because it helps them to escape deep feelings of vulnerability. However, maintaining their illusions of grandeur requires a lot of effort, which is where unhealthy attitudes and behaviours come into play.
A pattern of self-centered, selfish thought and behaviour, a lack of empathy and concern for others, and an intense desire for praise characterises narcissistic personality disorder. People with NPD are often described as arrogant, manipulative, narcissistic, patronising, and demanding by others. The narcissist's way of thinking and acting shows up in every aspect of his or her life, from work and friendships to family and romantic relationships.
Even though their conduct is causing them problems, people with narcissistic personality disorder are adamant about not changing it. They have a tendency to place blame on others. Furthermore, they are highly sensitive and respond negatively to even minor critiques, disputes, or perceived slights, which they interpret as personal attacks. It's always easier for the people in the narcissist's life to only comply with their requests in order to escape the coldness and rages. You will find narcissists in your life, shield yourself from their power plays, and set healthy boundaries by learning all about narcissistic personality disorder.
The distinguishing trait of narcissism is grandiosity. Grandiosity is a false sense of superiority that goes beyond arrogance or vanity. Narcissists feel they are one-of-a-kind or "unique," and that only other special individuals can understand them. Furthermore, they are far too fine for something ordinary. They just want to communicate with and be associated with other individuals, places, and things of high status.
Narcissists also feel that they are superior to others and want to be recognised as such, even though they have done little to deserve it. They would also exaggerate or lie about their accomplishments and abilities. And when they talk about jobs or relationships, what they say is how much they contribute, how wonderful they are, and how fortunate their loved ones are to have them. They are the undisputed star, and the rest of the cast is at best a supporting role.
Narcissists exist in a fantasy universe supported by exaggeration, self-deception, and magical thinking because reality does not help their grandiose vision of themselves. They create illusions of limitless achievement, strength, brilliance, attractiveness, and ideal love that make them feel unique and in command. Facts and views that contradict their fantasies are denied or rationalised away in order to shield them from feelings of inner emptiness and shame. Anything that threatens to burst the narcissist's dream bubble is met with intense defensiveness, if not outright anger, so those around them learn to walk carefully around their rejection of truth.
A narcissist's sense of superiority deflates over time without a constant supply of applause and acknowledgement to keep it inflated. It's not enough to get a compliment once in a while. Since narcissists need constant nourishment for their egos, they surround themselves with people who will satisfy their addictive need for validation. There are rather one-sided relationships. It's never about what the admirer can do for the narcissist; it's all about what the narcissist can do for the admirer. And if the admirer's affection or praise is ever interrupted or diminished, the narcissist considers it a betrayal.
Narcissists demand preferential treatment because they believe they are exceptional. They sincerely believe that they should be able to obtain whatever they want. They still expect others to immediately comply with their every need and whim. That is the only thing they are worth. You're worthless if you don't expect and satisfy their every need. Prepare for provocation, indignation, or the cold shoulder if you have the audacity to defy their will or “selfishly” ask for anything in return.
Narcissists never develop the capacity to empathise with others' emotions or put themselves in their shoes. To put it another way, they lack empathy. They see the people in their lives as artefacts, there to fulfil their needs in many ways. As a result, they don't think twice about exploiting others to further their own goals. Interpersonal exploitation can be malicious, but it's more often than not just oblivious. Narcissists are actually unconcerned with how their actions affect others. Even if you find it out, they won't fully understand. The only thing they are aware of is their own requirements.
When they come across someone who appears to have something they don't, particularly someone who is confident and famous, narcissists feel threatened. People who don't kowtow to them or question them in any way are also a threat. Contempt is their defensive mechanism. The only way to eliminate the danger while still bolstering their sagging ego is to bring those people down. They might do it in a patronising or insensitive manner, as if to show how insignificant the other individual is to them. Alternatively, they can resort to insults, name-calling, intimidation, and threats in an attempt to get the other person back into line.
