Conflict is an unavoidable part of all relationships. It can take the form of serious discord between the two of you or just minor aggravations that have formed over time. Either way, how you approach conflict will also decide your relationship's success.
Humor and playfulness will help lighten the stress and restore a sense of intimacy when confrontation and disagreement throw a wrench into your relationship. A little lighthearted humor, used politely, can easily transform conflict and stress into an opportunity for mutual fun and intimacy. It helps you to get your point across without upgrading the protection of the other person or harming their feelings.
Managing Conflict with Humor
Make sure both of you are in the joke
Humor can be used in negative as well as positive ways, just like any instrument. For example, making snide, hurtful comments, then blaming the other person for not being able to take a joke will cause even more issues and potentially harm a relationship.
When both sides are in on the joke, laughter will only help you solve conflict. It's important that the other person is receptive. If the joke is not likely to be enjoyed by your wife, co-worker, family member, or friend, don't say or do it, even if it's "all in good fun." When the joke is one-sided rather than shared, it undermines trust and goodwill and can ruin the relationship.
Don't cover up other feelings with laughter
In the face of life's struggles, laughter helps you remain resilient. Yet there are moments when humor is not safe, and that is when it is used as a cover for suppressing negative feelings instead of dealing with them. For feelings of pain, anxiety, rage, and disappointment that you don't want to feel or don't know how to convey, humor can be a mask.
You can be very sarcastic about the truth, but it's not funny to cover up the truth. You generate uncertainty and distrust in your relationships when you use humor and playfulness as a shield for other emotions.
Develop a more mature sense of humor
Some find it simpler to use humor than others, particularly in tense situations. The following tips can help if your efforts aren't going over well.
Track nonverbal signs. You'll be able to tell from their body language whether anyone is not loving your attempts at humor. Does it seem like a fake or forced smile? Do they lean away from you or are they leaning toward you, encouraging you to move on?
Stop humor that is mean-spirited. It might work on stage for some comedians, but used one-on-one, not only will it fall flat, but your relationship will also be impaired. Saying something hurtful or disrespectful can alienate the other person and weaken the bond between you, even when presented as a joke.
Build jokes inside. An inside joke is something that knows just the two of you. It can also be reduced to a word or short phrase that reminds you of both a funny occurrence or a fun story, and it is typically assured that the other person will produce a smile or laugh. It can build warmth and bring you together when two people are the ones "in" on the joke.
Tap into the playful side of yourself
Do you find it difficult for you to joke around or loosen up? You may not think you're funny. Or you may be self-conscious and nervous about how you're going to look and sound to others.
It is a natural fear to fear rejection or mockery when attempting humor, but it is important to point out that in order to use humor to resolve conflict, you don't need to be a comedian. The point is not to impress the other person or amuse him, but only to lighten the mood and defuse tension. So don't worry about simply goofing around and behaving stupidly like a child. It can reduce the defenses of the other person, placing both of you in a more optimistic state of mind that is conducive to smoothing over differences.
