Don't force others to immediately forgive your mistakes

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9 months ago

I am not perfect and make mistakes like ordinary people. I hope you can accept my apology and get rid of my guilt.

The above expression is a very noble expression for someone who has made a mistake, hurt someone else's heart, intentionally or not. You know it was wrong and all you have to do is apologize. Shows that you are very deeply sorry for a mistake you have made and promise to be better in the future.

We are ordinary human beings who are not perfect. Humans are wrong and sinful. We must realize when we have made a mistake. Our job is to apologize immediately and don't delay.

What we need to pay attention to is our attitude when apologizing. It is natural for us humans to never escape the name of mistakes. Don't apologize all we want. Moreover, the mistakes we make are very serious. When we realize that we were wrong and regret it. Apologize immediately and do it sincerely, wisely and humbly. Don't apologize forcefully or wait for a certain moment. Realizing it was wrong, dare yourself to apologize immediately. Because the position of the person who apologizes and immediately, is higher in rank before Allah.

It's important to hasten to apologize

Abu Hurairah said, the Messenger of Allah (SAW) said: 'Whoever has wronged his brother, whether it be about his honor or something else, then let him ask him to make it lawful today, before the dinar and dirham are of no use (on the Day of Resurrection)'.

"(Later) if he has good deeds, will be taken from him the size of his injustice. And if he does not have good (again), it will be taken from the evil of the brother (who was wronged) and then burdened him." (HR Bukhari)

One positive thing that should be done to erase mistakes is sorry. This will be useful to reduce the anger that is in the wronged person.

Regret for past words or actions, as well as promises not to repeat wrongdoings work to account for the anger that flares up in someone who has been offended.

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Maintain politeness when apologizing

When we wrong others, the first thing we do is apologize. However, apologizing, it turns out to be not easy, let alone apologize in a good way. We must be prepared to accept any risk from the person we hope will forgive us. We don't know the person's response to our apology. Whatever it is, keep your attitude, say the words when we apologize.

Psychologist Harriet Lerner, who also wrote Why Won't You Apologize: Healing Big Betrayals and Everyday Hurts, provides her views on this matter. According to her, there are many of us who do not understand the correct way to apologize.

In fact, poor ways of apologizing such as being unclear, annoying, demanding, or warning can actually worsen the relationship with the person we hurt.

In addition, Lerner said, a good apology is an opportunity to show responsibility.

A good apology also doesn't involve avoiding, blaming, making excuses, or digging into past mistakes.

According to Lerner, what you need to do when apologizing are

  • Don't be defensive that is apologizing but justifying what we did. It should be done to heal people who have been injured

  • Seriously

  • Don't use other words to apologize or use additional words like if, but, etc

  • Do not exaggerate

  • Stay focused, that is, our goal is to apologize because we were wrong and if we are wrong, we should apologize

  • Apologies in advance means hurry up

After we apologize in a kind and polite manner. Our job is done. After that it's up to the person who accepts our forgiveness. Does he forgive or not? It's none of our business. If he forgives it means we are very grateful but if he can't forgive, don't force it and understand. The heart of the person we have hurt needs a process to heal so that he truly forgives sincerely.

Why can't we force someone to forgive us immediately

From an article in the IDN Times that I read, the reasons why don't force people to accept our apology are:

1. One's feelings can't be forced right

Regarding love or forgiveness, he has the right to his own feelings that cannot be forced by others. So what we can do is wait for him to forgive us, and as long as that is what we have to accept.

2. The right to accept or reject an apology

if you make a mistake all you can do is apologize, then it's up to him to forgive you or not.

So demanding or forcing him to quickly forgive you actually sounds presumptuous and goes too far. Because you have no right to force it.

3. Not all mistakes can be immediately and easily forgiven

Small mistakes that can still be tolerated maybe other people can immediately forgive you, but not all mistakes are easy to forgive, right. You can't force people to quickly forgive you because if your mistake is a fatal thing, it leaves a deep impression on him, especially if it traumatizes him, it will take a long time for someone to forgive it. Things like this are actually very important to understand.

4. Everything has a process, including forgiving someone

Everyone has their own time to be able to forgive, some are quick but some take a long time. If you are really sorry and want to apologize then you have to be patient waiting for yourself to be forgiven.

5. Sincere apologies and don't force it

If we have committed to apologize and do it sincerely. And remember, don't force it because it will be considered presumptuous and arrogant. And instead of forgiving, he can even take revenge on you

If you apologize then do it with appropriate ethics, sincerely, full of awareness and don't force people to quickly forgive you. Let everything run as it should.

Sorry is a small word, but it has enormous power to build a beautiful relationship. I hope you accept my apology and allow me to build a good relationship with you again.

Source image from private collections, google and edited by using

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Avatar for Ayukyukyu2
9 months ago


Forgiveness takes time to reflect, so after we apologize it's best to allow others to reflect.

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9 months ago

To forgive and forget takes time, if you're asking for forgiveness you need to respect the decision of that person. You cannot force someone to forgive you especially if you really hurt her/him.

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9 months ago

Right. Patience and most importantly we have done seriously. Show that we are so sorry for what we did that it hurt the other person.

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9 months ago