The Talks Season 1 Episode 3.
Been a while since our last talk. Sorry about that. And of course, this happens during the period in which you suddenly up and went to your mother, leaving me without you for 14 frikking days!!
But you're here now, so let's not ruin that with whatever bla bla past yadda yadda.
How's your vacation going? Should be your last week right?
And are you looking forward to the second year of high school? No longer a brugpieper, nor are you an examclass. If all goes well the coming two years are going to feel like the most boring, useless, grinding, endless and soul-crushing years you ever experienced. But believe me, these are the years to build friendships, try new things, say goodbye to old things, and really figure out who you are, what you like, and who you'd want to be in adult life.
Side joke for your friends:
Wat heb je vandaag op school geleerd, zoon?
Niet genoeg, pap. Ik moet morgen terug.
that is of course if you don't struggle too much with the curriculum. A golden trick that worked for me (the last 5 months, after I'd finally figured it out) to make sure your free time doesn't get overcast in worry and anxiety is to get the homework and studying done as soon as you can. Got 10 minutes in class with nothing to do: Homework. Some time left during lunch: Homework. Most of the time I had my homework done by the time I got home. Studying is different. Read whatever you need to learn out loud twice. Do some practice tests to see if you got it. Regardless, make sure you read it out loud again the night before the test. I pretty much guarantee that you'll own the test. (this does not work with math/chemistry and such)
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The best thing about the trick is that when you have free time you can focus on having a good time instead of having in the back of your head a nagging "I still need to do homework/study" bringing you down.
In a group, say 4 rows deep, 5 people wide. When that group starts moving, in which spot do you want to be?
Never the first row. The first row is what everyone not in the group is going to identify with the group. The first row is also the first to get hit, is the first to be described by others as part of the group, have the slightest opportunity to identify and adapt to something coming towards the group. You always want to be nr. 2 and 3 in that group in the second row.
From there you can glance past the first row, and see what they see. You can guide those in the first row in verbal or other directions. You can base your response to anything coming to you on the responses and success (or lack of it) the first row achieved. If push comes to shove, you can suddenly sprint past row one to take the first spot if needed.
If and don't know how they feel about you, use your mouth and ask them. Tell them how you feel, and ask them how they feel. At worst they hate your guts and make fun of you. That lasts 1 day, 2 days tops. But if you don't do it you could feel miserable, anxious, and insecure for weeks, months, or even years. (trust me on this one if on nothing else!)
If you come across a situation where you see classmates or even your friends doing something stupid/illegal or just plain wrong. DO NOT JOIN THEM!! If you can come across them doing it, someone else can do the same, and call the cops or your parents or whatever. Even if you only join them 60 seconds before the shit hit the fan, your face will be just as full of shit as the rest of them.
It's okay to choose not to do something even though everyone else does it. If you have good reasons not to do something, those reasons do not change because you're the only one thinking enough to know those reasons. I hope that doesn't sound too complicated. An example:
during a dropping, the group wants to take a shortcut crossing a small river that's frozen over. This will take the group across a military field no one is allowed to walk on. You read an article the day before that said the field is an EOD training field where trainees learn how to find and disarm landmines.
Now if you tell the group about the landmine thing and decide not to go with them, but you turn out to be the only one not joining them, those mines don't suddenly disappear because the whole group is going. No, you're going to be alone while you watch the whole group step on a cluster mine and get blown to smithereens! Do you get what i am trying to say?
The best role in a group is not the leader. The unranked person can get the majority of the group to want what you want while thinking it's their own idea. A leader is only a leader if he gets done what the majority of the group wants to be done. If he doesn't, he won't be the leader for long. The one quietly putting little suggestions and thoughts into the heads of the group that leads them to want something you want them to want, has no requirements to meet.....
always be suspicious and DYOR. (Do your own research) Confirm their arguments through independent sources. Always ask yourself: Why does he want me to think or do that?
Just because something is written, doesn't make it true or trustworthy.
Well, I gotta go, I need to get some cat gear. Love you, and I'm proud of you!
(oh readcash, may I introduce you to: Leia.
The latest member of the family.
Thank you for reading this.
Stay safe and stay happy!