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I just keep ketting knocked down.

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Written by   71
2 months ago

And every time it keeps getting harder to get back up again.

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Those who've followed me and read some of my earlier articles know I've had quite a few setbacks over the past decade. From finding out I'd been cheated on by my ex, becoming unemployed, single fatherhood, getting into unrecoverable debt to losing custody over my kid... setbacks might be the understatement of the century, to be honest.

I get knocked down but i get up again, ain't never gonna keep me down....

But I've always managed to blink, shrug, get back up, and after taking stock plot my course out and get going again. Always ready to get back into the fight to make my way out of misery again. Even during times, I was really hurting inside, reeling from another blow, I've managed to put up a brave face to show those whom I thought needed me to be brave and confident, like my son.

The mask

Especially during the past years since they took my son from me finding the motivation and strength to put up that mask and fight the good fight, I did so more for the benefit of my Son than anything else. Whatever it was that pushed me it sure as hell wasn't any conviction or trust in my chances of making it to any semblance of a good life.

Looking back there was a little upward motion

That is... at least not until a couple of months ago. At first, I didn't notice it but looking back now I can say that it began with a period in which I didn't get any negative incidents cross my path and while I wasn't anywhere near optimistic or even close to happy I didn't struggle to keep up the mask of the confident strong fighter as much as I had before.

Read cash made the difference... well, Marc de Mesel did anyway.

I remember though when it was when I did begin to notice that I began to feel that maybe, just maybe, I had a chance of making it out of my misery and into some facsimile of a good life in time for me to enjoy life for a couple of years before I kicked the proverbial bucket. It was in the days after mr. Marc de Mesel bestowed a substantial reward on some of my articles here on read.cash.

And despite what many of you might think at this point the money wasn't the thing that lifted my spirits. To be sure, the money was great, I won't deny that, but that wasn't the thing that lifted me from the bottom of my depression. If it had been the money I'd been slammed back to the bottom real quick when I lost most of it a couple of weeks later when my wallet got drained "somehow".

It wasn't the money

No, it was the idea that there was someone out there, a total stranger whom I'd never met and would probably never meet, who wanted me to make it to a better life for me and my son. That there was someone out there that cared enough, not knowing me or my son, who was willing to share a tiny slice of his good fortune and give out of his own pocket to help me and my son get back on our feet and have some happiness. THAT was what gave me the spark of hope I needed to believe in the front I had been putting up to the outside world for years.

Progress was made, goals were achieved, or so i thought

And since that moment in which I realized I had started to believe a little that I actually had a chance to work and fight my way out of the misery I have, save for one blow I mentioned earlier when I lost most of the reward I got from Mr. de Mesel, made remarkable progress towards that goal. Little by little, I have been able to grow the amount of money I could use for my crypto adventures, I've been able to get the attention of agencies that intermediate for people trying to get a job but aren't having much success for some reason and I've been able to get recognition as a victim of the Kinder Opvang Toeslagen Scandal, with the government finally acknowledging the injustice and harm that I had been subjected to.

The absolute culmination of the efforts and fighting of the past months came when the crypto wheeling and dealing i have done added up to enough money to buy the one thing that would make it easier for me to break out of my isolation and broaden my horizon again; A brand new scooter!

Riding on the wings of...

And for a month I've been riding the roads with a smile on my face and going through life thinking I was actually going to do it and felt exactly like I was fooling people I was feeling for years. I was confident I was going to claw my way out of debt, into a job or some form of self-sustaining income, and simply be happy for a couple of years before kicking that bucket. Even though the most miserable rain and cold I was smiling.

Yeah right, think again numbnuts!

But I think I smiled too soon. Right now I'm typing with one hand, as I've broken my left arm. I wouldn't even be able to stand being awake were it not for the painkillers. And the scooter... It's totaled. I had the choice between slamming the brakes going full speed through a shallow bend in the road or slamming into a kid running into the road and of course, I chose the brakes. As soon as I did, my front wheel started to slide to the left and before I knew it I was on the road sliding behind my scooter, and then we hit the curb and I woke up in the hospital.

More crushing news

I also got a letter stating that the processing of my case concerning the clearing of my debt will take another full year at least, and is dependent on the decisions of the next government. Meaning if they decide my debts will not be cleared I will be back to square 1. Or square 0. whatever. My insurance agent stated I probably won't be getting anything from them as there were no witnesses and so it's ruled to be a one-sided accident or some law language mumbo jumbo. Whatever the mumbo jumbo bottom line is I'll get fuck all and won't be able to replace the scooter any time soon.

Short story long: All the progress I made in the past... year... Gone. And to top it off my arm is broken, I've got bruises and scrapes all over my body, and I've got pain, lots and lots of pain.

Back on the bottom again?

And I'll be honest here. I don't know if I have the strength to shrug this off again. I don't know if I can live up to my motto "Chin up, chest out and keep fighting" anymore. If I can look past the fact that again I've done everything I could to get ahead, to do the right thing and achieve something, only to crash and break as soon as I start to feel a little bit happy.

But I guess I have no choice. At least I got to put the mask back on. I can't let my son see me as doing anything else. I owe that to him. So I guess I will get back up. I will fight. I will set goals and work to achieve them. But I doubt my heart will be in it though.

Thanks for reading this.

Stay safe and stay happy.

@AnonSunamun

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Avatar for AnonSunamun
Written by   71
2 months ago
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Comments

For sure, you'll get back up again. These trials are given to you for a reason. I have also said in my recent article before:

"The difficulty of this battle is designed for a brave warrior like you."

Whether you'll win or not is not the question here because you'll surely overcome.

$ 0.05
1 month ago

Thanks for the supportive and uplifting comment! Right now i'm not feeling it as much as you do but i guess i'll feel better in the morning. Unless the painkillers ware off, then maybe not so much. ;-)

$ 0.00
1 month ago

Everything will be okay. :)

$ 0.00
1 month ago

From finding out I'd been cheated on by my ex, becoming unemployed, single fatherhood, getting into unrecoverable debt to losing custody over my kid... That's a lot going on, I can understand. I hope your debt will be paid off soon. Just don't let yourself fall, keep the grip just like you stated. I hope life would be different for you in no time. Best wishes.

$ 0.01
2 months ago

thanks

$ 0.00
1 month ago