Christmas donating 2 good causes, derailed by Paypal.

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2 years ago

The unlimited power of terrible horror that is Paypal...

This article was originally posted as a reply in a forum to a thread calling for donations to support Doctors without Borders, HERE...

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I am terribly sorry,

i tried, i really really tried,

but Paypal support just broke my brain to such an extent that i cannot bring myself to... Go through their solution for not being able to log on.

Allow me to regale you with this tale of Terror that was the final nail to the coffin of my use of Paypal.

I wanted to release my Christmas spirit and go all out with the donating thing by subscribing & doing a single donation of a to-be-determined amount. Clicking happily on my way to do so i banged my head against an obstruction. The only way to pay was by using a pall.... Paypal....

After dutifully rolling my eyes and letting out a sigh, i resigned to fate and went to the next browser tab and directed it to
One-click later (logon) i found that the Lord our God Google is a benevolent one and filled in the password for me which i would have never ever remembered on my own, and less than a second later i was.....

Not logged in completely. My existence if not my authority was being challenged once more! This time by a warrior of the order of 2FA!
Its taunt challenged me to enter the code it had just sent to my phone!

W8... my... old phone... The telephone number of which the simm was blocked by Lebara for not upping the saldo for more than 6 months, which i did not do due to having a subscription now, with a new number...

Too stubborn to acknowledge i knew how this was gonna end i determined to fight on, and defeat this knight 2FA-ler through the use of my high stats on Charisma, Intelligence and Persuade

I clicked "Use other methods"!!! "That'll teach em" i thought, and was rewarded with.... Another code was sent to the same telephone number...
"Aha! A worthy opponent!" I said, changing shape into the silent assassin of the Night, a Ninja!

And i proceeded to take a secret route through the "Smarthelp-contact_us" section. There i summoned the "I cannot logon" and "Problems with 2FA" Hyperlinks through which i traveled to another ethereal realm, on my journey... my quest to Donating with Paypal!!!!

There the Sentinel that stood guard over the Vaults of knowledge and Magical Assistance quickly submitted to me. It did so knowingly and in awe to my greatness and showed me the hyperlink travel portal to "Change the 2FA telephone number" which i did not hesitate to traverse.

Ready to... w8... wut?!

Please verify your identity by entering the code sent to....

Cursed be the sovereigns of fate!!!!
Thwarted yet again!!!

I was left with no other option than to cry "Victory or Death!!!!" before picking up my telephone to call the telephone number in order to take this fight to the support gods personally! It took all my skills, power, and intelligence to break through their defenses made up out of the "Please make a choice from the following Menu options" of hell and was even forced to do battle with the demon of "You have selected an option that is not available, please listen to the menu options and select the one appropriate to your problem" but i prevailed none the less! I was awarded an audience with (fake name for privacy reasons) ARIE, who asked me if i had a problem he could solve.

Sowing confusion with my spell of humorous replies is intoned "Well, i have a problem. Whether you can solve it is something you'll have to tell me!"

Stunned but recovering quickly He dragged me through through the process that had me explaining... well... Everything above this line....
He lured me into a false sense of safety and comfort by chanting the spell "Well, don't worry, we can change the telephone number for you sir, just a second..."

A few moments of blissful silence provided me the opportunity to wonder about a hole in the OpSec... which then was brutally annihilated by the words of the CHAOS-inatorl

"Can you tell me the last four numbers of your credit card?"

My HP was almost decimated right there and then, but i clung to the last shreds of sanity and life by calling a Time out!
"I'm going to have to get my wallet for that, i'm gonna put the phone down for a few moments. I'll be right back!" i said, and the support god acquiesced reluctantly. Placing the connection to the godly realm of the support gods on "mute" i went off to complete the "Find my credit card" side quest. That journey though is a tale for another time and another place. What's important is: After closing the connection to the Support God's realm temporarily promising to call back, I went and battled on until i completed the quest and obtained the quest item "Visa Credit Card".

My HP recharged somewhat over time i pressed redial and defeated the "Press one for..." demons of the depths of the Phone Menu hell again, and followed the path to once more face the Support God's "The Challenge of the Credit Card Numbers"!!! This time though i was ready for the CHAOS-inator's wrath, blocking the spell deftly and striking back with my spell of "calling out the Visa's last four digits"!!! The silence shattered, the universe shocked with awe as i spoke with reverence;

"5352, end date 01/24!" imbuing them with as much Mana and Power i could muster.

Surely my victory was now inevi......

The devastation of the shocking counterstrike with "No, sorry sir, i have a different number here. Are you...." was total and complete!

This was were my sanity and willpower began to unravel, and i interrupted the Support God angrily snapping "I only have one credit card, and never had one before this one, or after this one!" which seemed to silence the Support God, but before i could wonder if that would be good or bad the Divinity demonstrated its awesome power once more.

"I see that you have registered with a bank account when you opened the account sir if you can provide me with the last 4 numbers of that bank account i am allowed to assist you and change the phone number for the 2FA."

It was a trick, but i didn't fall for it! I was on to it and knew that the account number was of the bank account the bank had blockaded and closed in 2010… Of course, they counted on the bank account number being lost to time and entropy but within thirty seconds I stuck hard with “5932” knowing there was no other way but the Support God’s submission and handing me the victory I so richly deserved.

Indeed, the SupGod’s voice declared solemnly “Yes, that’s correct, I will now change the phone number to a new number. Which number should I set it to?”. This surely ended my tribulations you may ask?

No, if only it did. If only it did….

The journey seemed to go effortlessly for a while, through the SMS with a code which I read out to the SupGod, him confirming that it was correct and passing along the path of righteous login all the way up to the Enchantment of Completion he spoke, saying “Okay, please try to login again now, you should receive a 2FA code on the number we’ve just entered and tested.”

Alas, it was not to be… My screen, now no longer satisfied with repeating the torture of before, showed me “We cannot verify your identity at this moment.” with no other hint or clue as to what I could do. I told this to the Support God, and was met with thunderous deafening silence!

A moment passed before the God of Support spoke again, and emptied my last drips of health from me.

The words will haunt me, and stay with me even into my Urn that will hold my ashes for eternity!

“Sir, I see your account has only 6 cents in it. I think the best thing to do right now is to transfer that 6 cents to a good cause and close this account. That way you’ll be able to register a new account immediately and you’ll be able to use the account within 15 minutes for your transactions.”

“Sir?……..Hello?……. Are you still there?…….” I heard after that, as if coming from somewhere far far away, but the only thing I was capable of was saying “Yes, you know what, that’s a good idea.” and then interrupt his “Do you give per…” by stammering “Yes, I do, I give permission to transfer the remaining funds in the account to any of the available good causes and I give you permission to choose which one. Please close the account. Thank you for your help, Happy Holidaymas and a Merry Goodyear 2023! Bye”

And as I tapped the disconnect button on my phone, I knew I had lost. I had lost, and I would never again have the audacity, the hubris…. The Arrogance to think that I could be powerful enough to use the infinite… dare I say ULTIMATE powers of the realms of Paypal!

I just received the notification my account was closed. I will not be creating a new account. I simply can’t bring myself to do it….

So I am sorry Doctors without Borders. It seems that there are borders of a sort after all!
Merry CHRISTmas though, and who knows…. Maybe in 2022 things will be different.

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2 years ago


Sorry about the situation man. It can be really devastating and sad that our money is at the mercies of the people that have sworn to keep them. That’s why cryptocurrency is the new currency

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2 years ago

Yeah, i'm lucky there was only 0.06 Euro in the account, so I'm not going to go hungry because of this but it certainly was my last ever interaction with Paypal in this universe!

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2 years ago