Achievements, Legacy.

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1 year ago
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There are moments in my life in which I get hit with…I don't know how to call it… melancholy? Moments in which I, apparently teetering on the edge of depression, look back on my life and try to figure out what I have achieved in that life.

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Al through my life

I have had moments like this for as long as I can remember and I've noticed that throughout my life the answer has… let's say strengthened. The answer to the question I give today is actually diametrically opposed to the answer I gave 40 years ago.

When I was a kid and I asked myself that question, I still was blissfully ignorant of the world and life. My answers reflect that. "I hold the world record in creating an animated ball comprising over 400 polygons." Was the first answer that I can remember.

Another answer I can remember being rather proud of i once was co record holder for 'most legs finished in 24 hours of 501 darts.'. I only found out two years later, after purchasing a Guinness book of records, that two days later the record was surpassed by two Chinese (!) guys.

After that, my answers kind of shifted. I began deflecting the answer. "I may not have achieved much, but I am gonna..." and I would list my ambitions. If there are those of you out there that regularly read my stuff, you'll be scratching your heads at this point.

Yeah.... No.

Yes, you're right. I've never been ambitious. Certainly not once my career got its momentum. I was happy where I was doing what I was doing. But I deferred my question to the future. "I am gonna..." and so on, convinced there would be more than enough time to get down and achieve something.

You see even though I wasn't ever really ambitious, i did always have a feeling that i was going to achieve something lasting. Something to be proud of, something that would outlast me through the ages.

And partially i can justify feeling that way. Ever since I was old enough to seriously contemplate the future, I was in the fortuitous circumstance that no matter what I did, or didn't do, my life improved. No matter what I did my position in life, be it in education or work, improved.

This was the red thread throughout my life for a long time, and it was clear to me at the time that if the trend would continue, I'd be in a leading position in the industry before I was 50. And that's where the possibilities to achieve great things are plentiful.

O.G. moment!

Again, if there are any who follow my writings here on, they will know how that worked out for me.

It didn't (for those who don't follow me). When the crisis hit the shipbuilding company, I just started working at I got fired. At the same time, I was left by my wife and struggled with my son's care.

And it all became a downward spiral from then on. It spiraled to being a lonely white ugly fat dude with debt coming out of his ears and a future prospect of maybe being out of his debt by the time he dies.

I noticed that the answer to the question spiraled down with the spiraling down of my life. It always remained achievements yet to be achieved.

So what is the answer today to the question what have i achieved, what is my legacy? Let me be perfectly honest with you. The only achievement that will last longer than i will is my son.

Everything else about my life, all that i did, created, destroyed, learned and thought, it won't last after i'm gone. Heck most of it didn't even make it to this point let alone after my death.

That brings up another question though, and it's a kind of an important issue if you look at it. Is it right for me to lob off the responsibility of achieving something lasting for my son? Does it place unfair pressure on him when i name him the best, not the only, achievement in my life?

Hell no!

Of course not. No matter how much my inner self is protesting the notion, it is of course not fair to expect him to achieve something great enough to justify my calling my son the greatest achievement of my life.

But if I don't then where does that leave me? And, maybe even more poignant what kind of animal am i to be worrying about this when war crimes are taking place AT THE MOMENT I AM WRITING THIS?

Even as I am writing this, I am looking at the reports from the satellite feeds about the atrocities perpetrated by the Russian forces on the Ukrainian people. Should I be thinking about my tiny, insignificant life when such horrors are going on?

Of course not but the truth of the matter is that if we cannot hear the shots and explosions ourselves and know that they will not like be going off near to us we don't consider it a pressing urgent matter that we should place on the top of our to-do lists. It's just the way we work.

Is that right? No, it isn't. Is it a fact? Yes, very much so.

You know, maybe I should just end this article here. I am not in a mood to straighten out this crookedness.

Thank you for reading this.

Stay safe, and stay happy!

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1 year ago
Topics: Learn, Drama, Feelings, Passion, Advice, ...