The Marvelous Misadventures of Distance Love

I found a hair of yours in my clothes and memories began to come to my mind, with your memories in my heart I leave my story, a story that I do not want to be repeated; that I do not wish anyone else in the bad, more I wish that they live love without fear.

A story that tells how beautiful it can be to meet your ideal person and the process of not knowing her later.

Knowing you without knowing you

Since I saw you I recognized you with my heart, in one way or another I knew I would love you, but that would be my mistake and the starting point for these words.

As I got to know you I loved you more, a full-fledged woman, with her own traumas, insecurities and her demons, you showed yourself as you were, at least that's what she thought. But in the end, things didn't turn out the way she thought.

I made hard choices in trusting you, I may have even broken a heart, so part of it I feel like it's fate slapping back, only multiplied many times over.

A love at a distance for me was not something new, so many sensations such as insecurity and disbelief are crossed between desire, attraction and hope, in the end you do not know how to feel, but you know one thing, you are stubborn as a mule and you are going to end up trusting .

Little by little I got to know how you see life, with a certain desire to progress, but with sadness because where you were you could not be yourself, and after all, being ourselves is the best thing that can happen when you are with someone. .

I helped you in those nights of anguish, even though you were thousands of kilometers away, I slept by your side at night with the help of a screen, fingers, mouth and a heart.

-"You make me feel accompanied!"

You told me before bed, after making sure everything was in order. You don't know how much I would have given to be the one to complement that security on your lonely nights. For my part, I felt an unmistakable warmth in my heart: without knowing you I had fallen in love.

Here we go again! I thought and assumed that it was fine, after all I had found a wonderful woman. The time had come to show my feelings.

Surely I accepted the invitation that you did not make me to your house, however what was my surprise when you accepted. You wanted me to visit you.

I was as happy as the day I visited a beach for the first time, like the day I discovered that God loved me and like the day I knew I had overcome my first heartbreak, seeing that woman in the arms of another and not feel more than happiness for her and his own happiness.

I began to plan everything with some doubt, I had already had several disappointments in my life with long-distance relationships, this could perhaps be another one, but no, you convinced me that you were a mature woman, emotionally responsible and who gave herself over to love. I spent several hours thinking if I could reciprocate that, can I really trust? can i love Am I ready for a relationship? All those questions I answered positively after thinking about them.

Sometimes the amount of pain you feel after a disappointment is not proportional to the time you spent with that person, I've learned it the hard way. It is proportional to the intensity with which that person is desired, how well they combine and that their ways of thinking are the same in various areas.

I am not an emotionally weak person nor am I physically insecure. I am someone tall, with a more or less good physical constitution (neither too fat nor too skinny), a good face and features.

If we talk about my personality, it is an area that only I and very few people can understand, since at first it is reserved, to later become the most spontaneous that can exist, but that is reserved for people who make me feel totally confident. after a few weeks dealing with them.

What I want in my life is simple: to help others, to be a good son and provider to my home, to be a good partner and future husband and father.

Of course, these things sound boring in the extreme, but the truth is that I want to have fun, and it is in those desires of the now that I want to make a necessary emphasis.

Life is one, you have to enjoy it. For me, the synonym of happiness are trips and tourist visits, however, these can be limited to looking at the sky with attentive eyes, as I showed you that night that I remember with some nostalgia, to going deep into the city to spend a night dancing, although I still don't know how to dance (I've always had partners who say they're going to teach me, but this leaves me with an important lesson, if you want to learn something, do it alone!).

Even something everyday like having breakfast together can be fun if you put emotion in it, how much more things that should be fun alone?

Continuing with this story, I was psychologically preparing myself for a life as a couple, I did not want to be like others, I wanted to be the best: buy groceries, help you cook, keep the house neat and teach you things that I knew how to do, such as ironing and sewing, this speaking of housework, since I also wanted to make a mutual fund to make investments and show you how that world works.

Yes, I can read something macho with the daily examples of the home, but after all there are men who do not do these basic things for the person they love (and I do not need cheers for being a man and doing it, because it is my duty too).

I was surprised by the news that one day you decided to return to where you were happy, to your country. At that moment a joy invaded me as if it was I myself who made the decision to see my family again for a long time, after all, this family may also become part of my family soon, in fact You let me know that I was already your family and that my family was also your family.

We started creating a playlist for the two of us, where there would be songs that our relationship will identify with. I chose songs that mean everything to me, total, there was no doubt that you were the woman of my life, you said that you also selected those that, if in one way or another the relationship did not work out, you were going to regret it forever, because They would remind you of me.

I can no longer listen to those songs for pleasure, but at least I can use them to convey a message.

I started planning everything since you said you would visit me before them. One of the greatest honors I had ever been given!

I began to scrub floors, paint walls, buy groceries, learn some of the fine recipes that you like and mentally prepare myself to see you and not start crying from happiness on the spot.

In fact, one of the greatest fears is that they see me cry and believe that I am someone mentally weak, well no, but I am very sentimental; Unfortunately, the moments that I didn't show you how happy you made me with tears, fate later charged me thanks to sadness.

Meeting you in person

For many people in a long-distance relationship, the fact of having the hope of meeting their loved one causes a lot of emotion, something that even many do not get to do after a long time in these relationships. In my particular case I could feel that emotion of knowing what I knew but at the same time was unknown to her.

That special day came, I hadn't slept well for several days from the emotion, I prayed to God that your trip will reach its destination safely, in fact and thanks to the fact that you shared your location I was able to keep an eye on where you came from.

I was waiting 4 hours in that place standing and seeing all kinds of people and meetings that took place in front of the buses, and I saw you.

My suspicions were confirmed, you were the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. I got excited like a child with his gift from Santa Claus.

You were 6 meters away from me when I saw you with your bags (although in our hearts we were already together), that look that made me fall in love from a distance, a heart that I thought was in love and a great desire to progress.

I hugged you, and it was the only time that year that I felt like the luckiest man in the world.

Your skin was softer than silk (or were your clothes velvet?) The truth is that you were anxious to get home and rest, but I already felt rested seeing you arrive safe and sound. I took your heavy suitcases, as heavy as this wounded heart, and with great happiness I started to stroke your hair and look you in the eyes while we were on our way.

I felt unreal, me experiencing such happiness!? It's impossible, no, no, no, this must be a dream. I even asked you to pinch me and you got upset, you told me you were real.

Those two days that you were with me were the most special, sorry for not saying it to your face, but I was hoping I could tell you later. Never do it! Say things as soon as you feel them when you are in a relationship, love, fight, cry, argue and fix the problems in the shortest time possible.

I was able to help you cook (something that I could corroborate that you love) while you scolded me for overeating and eating practically anything (you gave me cookies and chocolates, how could I not?).

I remember that one day I shaved my beard badly and went out into the street like that, you told me that if you didn't tell me I wouldn't notice.

-You are like a child!

You told me, and yes, I've realized that it's true. I am a child, I feel like a child, vulnerable, a child who cannot find his loved one in the crowd, a child who, although he has already accepted that he will not be able to go out to play, is still sad, but above all, I have the heart of a child. , who loves the people who represent a family for him, a child who takes his parents by the hand without a doubt that they will never hurt him.

However, the most special day was the second day of your stay, which right now I remember was two and a half days that you had in this hell,

At least if we talk about temperature (although for me it was heaven).

The perfect model

Sometimes I blame you, I blame myself and then I blame fate for having met you, for having tasted honey and then vinegar, but everything happens exactly as it should.

During that second day we went out to get to know my city and to carry out some other procedures, for me, regardless of having passed through those streets hundreds of times, spending them with you was a totally different experience. It was rediscovering those old buildings hundreds of years old, somehow or another the landscape looked better now that I was out with you.

I am a photographer and I couldn't be more grateful to God and destiny for such a model. And, between photo and photo, I asked you to stay in one place, in that place facing the sea that I came back to photograph alone.

In that place I asked you to be my girlfriend. You said yes, which I knew you were going to do. We promised ourselves that every 5 years we would return to that place to remember that moment, just a small portion of the promises that will die with time and oblivion.

At that moment I was ecstatic, I had the most beautiful woman in the world by my side, who was now my girlfriend, my accomplice in the crazy things, trips, goals, projects that we were going to carry out throughout our lives. Total, you had annulled my ability to think that things could go wrong, it was a taboo to mention such a thing, I deleted the word END from my dictionary, but I was the only one who did it.

Leaving that place we practically got lost, we joked, we walked for a long time and we talked, we saw a series of attractions and we talked about how in case of an argument we would go to a Paintball field, whoever lost would have to apologize (When did we play?) .

We boarded public transport on our way back, something that I loved because not many women are capable of that, of being there when their partner is doing poorly financially. In those moments I couldn't stop looking at you with eyes of love, eyes with which you usually look at a person once in a lifetime. Many people waste that look on someone and do not repeat it again because they do not feel brave enough to renew their heart and give it as new to someone else, leaving the pain in the past, but not the experience. I have always believed that it is brave to get up with a new heart, capable of loving and forgiving, for me there is no greater act of courage, like the act that Jesus performed when he died for the sins of strangers, which He identifies as sons, with the hope that they will return to him.

Before going home we had a smoothie, where I enjoyed taking pictures of you while you didn't realize it. You hated that photo, but it was impossible for me to see what was wrong, even as a photographer.

The final day of your stay in my State arrived, you wanted to meet my family that day, something that I did not hesitate to accept at any time, although my family's house was somewhat humble.

My family received you and got to know you, although we only stayed an hour or two, they recognized you as a beautiful woman, very intelligent and capable of doing anything.

Why don't you look in the mirror?

"Have you not seen yourself in the mirror!? YOU ARE SOMEONE BEAUTIFUL, JUST LOOK FOR ANOTHER, they normally tell me. Other people, when talking to them about you, fall in love with how I can love myself, even so much so as not to speak ill of you after a breakup and knowing that these are things that happen in life.

I wish it was that easy to forget those light brown eyes saying they loved me. Knowing even that you may not deserve these lyrics, I write them, for me, it is just a small sample of what I am capable of at the moment of wanting. I want to leave them in case one day you get to read them and get to know me a little more, that vulnerable part that you hurt in me, but above all, to leave a small guide on how to correctly love that person who is by your side.

It's not a lack of self love

Many people interpret the insistence of another as despair due to low self-esteem or little value that person has, I do not doubt that these cases exist, but when you are a person sure of yourself, with tons of self-esteem and you feel in need of express your feelings. Does that make you weak? Wouldn't it be a sign of greater weakness to let something go to waste for which you were willing to do anything?

Right now I have both my mind and my heart divided in two, I want to believe that they are things that happen but at the same time I am sad to have been able to believe you.

I can write this because I still feel things for you, many, but mainly love, unfortunately. As long as they are alive I will be able to express myself like this about you and admit that you are a special person in all your qualities.

I can't think badly about you since "a couple supports each other through thick and thin" and even though we are no longer one, I will always support you in whatever you need.

My mind wants to make me put my feet on the ground and forget you once and for all what happened (I wish it were you).

as easy as uninstalling an app), until that happens, I will dedicate lyrics to the wind.

When things get serious

Before meeting my family you decided something unusual, you wanted me to go in person to meet your family, something that was a great honor for me, but that raised certain doubts in me outside of my feelings.

I accepted. Now we would both meet our families. How exciting! This is high that even the bride and groom do before getting married (although he has not had any intentions yet), our relationship would be more than official.

I started thinking, what if they don't like me? Will they have high expectations of me? Could it be that? What if? But what?... Bah, I'm me, they're going to love me.

At this point I dropped all my defenses with you: the defense of doubting that you loved me, the defense that you would accept some non-toxic behavior that you didn't like, the defense that you were going to talk to yourself about anything you didn't like. the next day. I was completely vulnerable but at the end of the day, it was you, a person I trusted, one of the 3 (And boy do I know people! And one of those people is God).

I was so excited that my suitcase was traveling with yours, it was a dream, our first trip together. On the trip there were some minor obstacles, but the next day we were in your hometown, a city that I always wanted to visit on my own, but now I was visiting it with who I loved, what more could I ask of fate? I felt that at last the good deeds I had done with people were returning to me.

What hurts the most during that trip and one of my best memories will be seeing you sleeping so confidently by my side, after you told me that you were afraid to sleep. I was trying to stay awake to "take care of you", who knows who or what, but sometimes I fell asleep and felt guilty. Even drooling you seemed to me the most beautiful, someone I had to take care of, who trusted me and loved me, but with whom I could also play the role of friend.

In the morning we arrived at the destination, we prepared a surprise for his mother, she expected to meet only her son-in-law, but to her surprise she saw that as a Christmas present, yes, it was December 23, she gave him the possibility of seeing his son again. daughter in person (although the decision was hers at first).

That day I met a good part of her maternal family. Good people without a doubt, but the magical day would be the next one, to have dinner on Christmas Eve with my love and her family. That would be the dream of anyone in a long-distance relationship, right? Even from anyone with a romance. I lived my dream, I had finally done it, FINALLY! I liked it so much that they even liked the ham loaves that I prepared (typical dish) somewhat rustic, but they tasted good, instead I tasted a typical dish called hallacas, delicious, but not as delicious as she looked that day.

That day I did not take my eyes off her, I could not believe that she was mine, perhaps because of how enthralled I was I was not very communicative, but I felt things in my heart, although of course, I let her know that she was beautiful.

After that we went to the beach, I enjoyed with her family, I enjoyed seeing her there with me at the edge of the beach, holding our hands, kissing us in that sunset. If that was something common for you, I'm sorry, for me they were very intense moments, where I felt much more than in weeks together, even when I looked into his eyes days could pass in terms of accumulated happiness, which could easily be days .

When it's time to say goodbye

The day of the farewell arrived, a farewell that still hurts, a farewell that will cost me a lifetime to forgive myself, since at the time of it I could not express everything I felt, I wanted to cry I was afraid of not seeing you again, there we were, at the door that divides the area of ​​guests and the area of ​​people with tickets, embraced, a hug, a brief kiss and I left, I left with watery eyes, I left with a broken soul, I left you, not only of your presence, of your life, but of your kisses, of your caresses.

On the return trip I cried for hours, I just didn't want to be separated from you again. I considered myself stupid, we had scheduled to see each other in 10 days for his probable return to his other country, because he wanted to return to work, but that decision had serious doubts on my part.

The new year with my family was happy, but without a doubt I couldn't stop wondering how you were doing, deep down I felt guilty for feeling sad for not being with you that day too, but I was happy to be with my whole family.

Wish at 12:05 am on January 1st that we would spend this year together, that despite what will happen we would be together. That I loved you intensely, that I loved everything about you, even that touchy personality, I loved that you will teach me things because of that, even that you said that men are useless (Hey and what am I!?), even though you didn't tell me when you were angry, even though you ignored how I felt.

You didn't reply to the message, it didn't come, and in the end it's like it didn't come, I didn't get a response from him even though we talked normally afterwards. I made a video of you, walking by the sea right in the place where we became lovers, with one of your favorite songs, I remember it was Bajo el Agua, by Manuel Medrano, a song that for me was a hymn in the relationship. Song with which I totally identified, as if I had composed it.

That song expressed how much I wanted to continue appreciating the stars with you, go for a walk, tell sadness that it no longer had dominion in my life or yours; nor fear.

The action that hurt me the most in everything we did was when you ignored that display of affection. Unconsciously my mind insisted that the things I was doing were being little to you, so I began to be more affectionate, without getting an answer for my feelings.

I was filled with courage and decided to end the relationship leaving a right of reply, something like "we're done if you continue like this, I have plenty of self-esteem but since I love you you are hurting me with your actions".

I remember that you also dedicated a song, Compartir, by Carla Morrison. Song with which I confess, I decided to love you without limits. It was the most tender gesture anyone had ever had with me, even better than physical gifts (which I loved just the same). The problem is that I believed that you wanted to laugh and cry with me, that you wanted to understand the world with me. Now every time I listen to it I feel thousands of needles sticking into me, I feel like I'm in hell, I won't be able to listen to that song anymore, that song that one day I heard dozens of times.

We're different

In the end my fears came true, I would never see you again, now you only lived in my memories, in my love, two places where your stay is destroying everything to this day, where you don't pay rent even though I wanted you to. you did and even if you left I would like you to come back, but this time to inhabit that place together.

Why not put this settlement before when we were getting to know each other, when we talked about goals and made so many promises? What will happen to the time we talk about this? For me it is time that I was dead, planning things, thinking of projects for both of us, but in reality it is much more, it is time that I wanted it to be like a springboard, so that when we were together we would start working for both of us, on projects of both at the same time.

-"We are different, I can't be with you, I have new plans."

The truth is that we are not different, we all are, everyone has something that their partner does not like, and they accept it. Actually if we could have lived the emotion of a courtship of accomplices and friends. But not including me in those plans was your decision, how lucky another woman will be if she decides to keep getting to know me!

In the end I only idealized our love, in the end I idealized that you know what love really is. Love actually forgives, does not forget, does not end, does not hold a grudge, is good, does not speak ill of you, shows itself as it is, is sincere, shows interest and wants to protect.

Perhaps you have never loved because you have never been truly loved, love is not loving, falling in love is not love. It hurts me so much that I am one of the few people who knows this, perhaps if I had known it before I would have refused to open my heart in such a way. Maybe now it wasn't so damaged.

-"It's not a big deal, don't take things like that"

I understand, you didn't like something about me and you discarded me, easy to understand for the mind, but not for a heart that loves. Someone who loves would have spoken in time, someone who loves first would not have discarded me.

The deception hurts, having idealized someone as the woman of my life, with whom I would possibly marry, would have my family. It hurts to imagine the trips we were going to take, those everyday days that together we would make incredible, those weekend outings anywhere except home. It hurts to have introduced you to my family and with it to have believed that everything was safer, and it hurts how little happiness lasted.

I dare you

Now I challenge you to find a man who can memorize every detail of your face, every expression, every look and can know what it means, the one who has counted your moles and knows that they are arranged in geometric patterns, the one who is willing to learn to cook what you like, to memorize your favorite songs and rehearse them to sing them at night, to the one who, even if he argues and was wrong, can accept that he is not right.

So that when you don't know something he can sit down with you to explain it to you without making you feel silly, that he wants to progress and that he is faithful to you.

The result? You won't find it, and forgive me for saying so, but it's the truth. How in the same way you told me that you were the one for me and there was no one else like you, well I remind you of it.

The ideal person but not perfect for you comes only once in your life, but it may be that in another life two people who did not continue to give each other an opportunity in this one may coincide.

The perfect person is the one who, even though you are not totally perfect, makes you ideal.

Sometimes I go through certain places where we live such good times and I feel your shadow there, but I understand that it was just an illusion, just like your shadow.

She also had details that I didn't like, I'm not blind, I'm not an idiot, but love was stronger than any of your details. Love conquers all if you talk about physical or personality defects, because it was assumed that he had already accepted them.

But surely people who do not know about this but go to the surface will never be able to find it. I was willing to accept her with your flaws, just like the right one when she arrives, mainly because I know that perfection is built.

Not everything has an end

Many say that everything has an end, not for me, not everything has an end and I will not accept the opposite. First of all, for love there is no end, love can wear out a lot, but if psychological or physical abuse or infidelity has not occurred, it is impossible for it to disappear. Life doesn't really have an end either, perhaps it does on earth, but we pass to a higher plane, to eternal life after leaving this world. In any case, the love of God is the one that gives us the happiness of coming out of this shell and attaining eternal life. Love has no end.

Everything ends where it began

Now everything ends as it began, you there and I here. I feel like I never met you, but at the same time I want to be sure that yes, you were not the product of my imagination. That if it has been so, I hope to find that version of you in my world one day, to be able to love without measure, so that I can get to know each other thoroughly in person, intimately, and I am not talking about physical relationships, but about talking things that strip me naked again, but this time without fear of being harmed.

Can such a dream come true for our protagonist? That only time will tell.

It's sad that from you I only kept something as ridiculous as a hair, when I wanted to have you complete. It's sad that things have to end, but thanks for the happy memories, which still hurt and will hurt for a long time, something natural, that feeling will remain there until I decide to kill that little person who convinces me that you are the best , what is love.

Long-distance love makes you believe that you know people, but in reality you never finish knowing them. Like me, they may not have finished meeting you either, not in person or they have not wanted to continue in a relationship of these characteristics, if so, cheer up, in the end destiny will inform them of what they missed.

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