Lost in Words

Have you ever experience having so many thoughts in your mind and even if you want to write it out, still you’re stuck with how will you be able to start and choose the right words for it?

That’s what I am currently experiencing this past few days wherein I have so many topics in my mind, but I always end up refusing to continue writing maybe because even though I have topics and thoughts in mind, still those are so shallow and easy to fade in just a second or minutes, I think.

Maybe, some of you may think that I am just too lazy to find excuses of not writing again, but that’s not true. I love writing, but there are factors that hinder me from choosing the right words and constructing a sentences for a sensible and worth-reading article.

Still, for some people, this may not be a worthy article, but I am letting my fingers to do the work of encoding all the letters and words in this piece of writing.

Aside from that, I have several reasons why I cannot manage to write an article this past few days.

These are:

1. SCHOOL WORKS

This month is the final period of the semester in the school where I am currently studying, so the past few weeks and days are considered as hell that made me feel stressed big time. I have to do tons of presentation, projects, video performance, learning task, reaction paper (with several parts like that of a research paper), narrative report, and detailed lesson plan.

Aside from that, since I am always the one assigned in compiling everything in our class section, I have to find time organizing all the hard copies of our activities and reports, print those out, and go to school to submit personally to our respective instructors. Some of my classmates said that I am the favorite student in the class, without them realizing that my situation is terribly bad because of being a teacher’s pet.

2. PRINTING BUSINESS

Since we have our printing business, that made me so busy as well in organizing and putting my thoughts into words. I am the one assigned in printing since my sister and brother are so busy with other stuffs too and they are mostly not around in our home. Our printing business is just located in our house so we don’t have that schedule on when we are going to open for printing. We do have schedules before, but it wasn’t followed properly especially if there are customers who happened to be our relative or close friends that we can’t just disregard. With that, our parents decided to remove the schedules so the customer can go to our house in whatever time of the day.

Aside from that, since we are supposed to just be opened throughout the day, still there are some customers who go to our house in the evening, so I have to stop whatever I’m doing and attend to their concerns. In addition, since anyone can message me on my Facebook account, there are some customers who are directly messaging me in the middle of the night to print something, or sometimes, they are also asking me to encode their files and print later on. And even though I want to just do it the next day because I am so sleepy that time, I have to do it immediately because there are some demanding customers who are saying that they need those hardcopies of files earlier in the morning.

So exhausting, but I have to maintain my composure and continue to be nice to every customer as it is my duty as the one assigned in printing.

3. MY GRANDMA PASSED AWAY

This could be one the most heart-breaking and melancholic situation that happened in our family, as our loving, caring and kind mother/grandmother has passed away unexpectedly. We are all mourning for her passing knowing that we can’t be able to see her anymore in this world, and maybe, we’ll just see each other in the afterlife.

The day before my grandma died, she was still strong and even cleaned the surroundings of their house by sweeping all the dirts and dried leaves around. She even greeted my aunts, uncles and cousins passing by their house, and they exchanged smiles and wonderful words. After that, when she happened to eat their breakfast, she suddenly fell from her seat, release blood on her nose and mouth, and lost her consciousness. She was immediately attended by our relatives, but our grandma cannot move properly already and lost her voice to speak sensibly. Our grandma keeps on refusing (by shaking her head lightly) to be brought in the hospital maybe because she already knew that it’s her time to leave us in this world and enter the afterlife. Later on, she was then in the state of coma and we never had a chance to hear her speak and open her eyes again. And after several hours, she passed away.

Even when she was still alive, she told her daughters and sons to not brought her in the hospital if something critical/crucial happened to her as a person diagnosed with hypertension. She doesn’t want us, her family, to spend too much money when something critical happened to her, because she believed that, when it’s her time already, we can’t do anything but to accept it, as all people in this world are destined to die soon and not live forever. She was 79 years old, turning 80 on January.

This is one of the reasons why I cannot write an article this past few days. I am so sad knowing that I can’t be able to see and talk to my grandma anymore. I am also sleeping late always because we are visiting her wake, and that makes me lose some time to do other stuffs, aside from the ones mentioned earlier.

CLOSING THOUGHTS

I am still clouded with melancholic feeling right now, but life must go on as time runs and never stops. I have to move forward, do my responsibilities, and continue to pursue my goals, even though giving up is tempting because of several factors that are making me feel devoured with sadness and exhaustion.

Author's Note:

I want to express my gratitude for those who are consistently supporting me everytime I'm publishing my works. To all of my old and new readers, thank you very much for always leaning your time in reading my articles. And to my sponsors, I am so grateful for having you all, I hope you are all doing fine and happy.

May God bless you always! 😇❤️

Merry Christmas! 🎄🎅

Date Published: December 18, 2021

Lead Image and Gif: Originally created by me using Canva