Don't most of us love our mothers/parents? Don't we all have the funniest stories that can only be told from their perspective? Well here is a story I put together. I did so because it made me laugh and I know people can use a laugh. We are always bombarded with bad news, fear, or something divisive. It seems it's always that way these days, so I am looking to change it up for a moment. Take a time out from all the bullshit in the world and in your life best you can. Read this story and think about your own mom, dad, brothers, sisters, or any family really. I hope you can enjoy. I know a lot of time these things are "better if you had been there." That's why it's best to empty out your mind and just enjoy it.
How many of you have those fucked up mom stories? Raise your hands, don't be shy. You know those stories where they can only be told by your mother because the ending is not what you’re expecting. The conclusion of the story is the perfect representation of who they are as a person. Who has those types of mom stories? Feel free to share them. I’ll tell you one I recently heard from my mother. She told my wife and I while we were on vacation in Florida for passover 2021. You know, it was ok for us to travel, religious holdiay and all, fuck you spring breakers….
So we are eating breakfast, and my mom starts telling us about this Apartment my aunt used to own in NYC. My aunt rented this apartment out and these tenants moved out without cleaning the apartment, so my aunt had to clean it. Well knowing my mother she wasn’t going to let her sister, of all people, do it by herself, so my mother joined in. This is where the fun begins. They’re describing the state of this place, which seemed a bit crazy. As my Aunt said “There were chains all over the walls in one of the rooms. There were so many chains just hanging on the wall, what were they doing? Torturing people?” she said. When they cleaned this room my Aunt said “We were cleaning the carpet in the room with the cians on the wall, and there was a blood like substance all over, but it wasn’t blood” she said very adamentaly. My mom chimes in “Yeah it wasn’t blood, just blood like.” My Aunt continues “ “The place was just a mess. Trash everywhere. Wallpaper torn off. Holes in the wall. What were they doing in there?? Dealing drugs? We don’t know, but it was disgusting.” Then my mom chimes in and asks “Did you tell them about the fridge?” and she says it with such conviction. As if you had just taken a shit on her head. She seemed so angry about it. She continued on, disgusted “It was disgusting. She makes that face as if she just smelled a fart Don’t laugh. Looking at my wife and I It was so disgusting and it smelled so bad. It was as if something dead was in there. We don’t know what we found in there exactly but whatever it was, it was nasty.” My aunt and mother seemed so upset about this, they were both really disgusted. It’s been 30+ years since this has happened, but you could feel their conviction and anger, as if it had just happened.
After that some time went by and my mom saw the tenants and started yelling at these people. Now my mother is 5’ nothing. She’s a twig, and the sweetest woman but if you piss her off, watch out. So she’s super pissed off, seeing red, and she starts screaming. One quick point, as you can tell by the description of the apartment, these were people who were known, and you didn’t mess with them. There she is screaming. You know what she is screaming? She’s screaming “I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU FOR WHAT YOU DID TO MY SISTERS REFRIGERATOR!!!!!” My dad springs into action and starts to push her out of the way and is trying to quiet her down, knowing the situation he’s desperately trying to diffuse it. He finally gets her away as she keeps screaming “I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU FOR WHAT YOU DID TO MY SISTERS REFRIGERATOR!!”
The story ends with a cop calling my Aunt and telling her “Be lucky you got the money to replace the fridge. Take the money and forget anything ever happened.” That’s NYC for you, and that’s my mother for you.
This is not meant as an insult by any means. It’s just a funny personality quirk of my mom. Just like all of our mothers, there are stories that make you die of laughter and it’s only funny when it comes from your mom. Please share those stories. Put a smile on your face thinking of your parents. We don’t always concentrate on the little funny things, so take a moment to do so.
