“Love is watching someone die / So who’s gonna watch you die?” - What Sarah Said by Death Cab for Cutie
We humans, were born not just to live but also to find our other half, weren't we? If you don't believe in that, just look around your neighborhood, the way each street you walk on become more alive due to the radiating "sweet gas" each of these lovers set off in the air?
I know nothing about how it works but "love" they say, finds its way to one's heart. It open one's locked door, welcoming a lover, for the rest of her/his life. The sweet promise of staying and spending "more" time is just a consolation about the truth ahead of them.
It always occur to me. About how long? How long will a partner be with his other half? Questions have been bombarding my hazy mind and so I decided to dive in to this topic. "What Sarah Said" is a song which I haven't heard since then. I never thought it did exist and the fact that I'm young to even cross path with this old song made it possible for me not to be aware of this very existence.
Back on track, I've always been fond of sweet couples. Those who do not tolerate many arguments or at least those who chooses not to argue more and just stay silent to tame the growing fire? I believe some couple with that attitude do exist, kind of rare because most couples are engulfed by anger easily or that it's an innate problem to foster such emotion during heated fights which then adds woods to the fire.
Even I, can't argue with the fact that couples are always into fights. I hate to admit it but it's true. Most of my neighbors are always like that. Of course, that's "relationship". Love is accompanied by jealousy and misunderstanding - and that becomes the fuel for quarrels and fiesty debates.
Here and there, even in public places. When I spot someone in that state, I find myself mentally smacking my own forehead and even ny head throbs to such sight. Oh see? Would you want to find someone and end up fighting all day? God! I have so much on my plate. I might shatter it into pieces due to uncontainable anger and frustration. (Dude, I hate arguments) That's the least I want in life.
Even though there's a constant fight, they stay together. The truth is, they "love" each other. That's a magic slash spell I wish no one ever cast on me. Lol. Couples, despite of their flaws and imperfections; that includes the inability to lengthen their temper and not just explode on the spot when confronted by frustrating words and accusations. Even my parents can't contain their emotions and ended up fighting (verbal only) and then dad would march out of the house. That's how they fight. Even your parents do have their own way, or maybe the father or mother radiates more power compared to the other.
The rest of their lives, they may be like that, with such routine. Fighting and then talking again as if nothing happened, fighting, and then talking again as if nothing happened...an(n). Oh endless fights, but hey! They stay still together. Because, even though there are tons of misunderstandings, love will find its way to their heart. To melt the anger and be replaced by pure love. How cute to look at their happy faces, and at the entirety of them choosing to be together.
But it's not forever. The moment they said yes to marriage, they had put their hearts 6 feet under- it's the darkest part of marriage. When one of you will be exiled to the unknown place. Forever. No one knows who, until it comes to you. Knocking your happiness away and being replaced by grief, sorrow and emptiness.
Love is watching someone die. So who’s gonna watch you die? Is it you? or your other half? What's the difference if it's you? Would the voltage of pain alleviate? How about if it's him? How can you possibly cope? What will happen to you next?
These questions lingers on my mind for since I can't remember. I ended up asking some of my known person about it and I started to someone dear to me. She answered,
"If I don't love him enough, then it should be me first."
I was caught off guard by her response. I thought it'd be another joke but it's not. It sounded so selfish right? She doesn't think of what her future partner but herself. Maybe it's because she's had enough in life. But that response of her may change overtime. Considering love is a powerful emotion.
I asked someone else. And he answered,
"Would it be selfish if I want both of us die together?"
Another selfish answer. What if you guys have kids? Who would look after them? And he was silent for a moment.
Someone chipped in.
I don't want to die early, I still want to see my grandkids grow so it should be him first. Hahaha.
Then another, an elderly.
I would die first, of course. I wouldn't know what will happen to me, and my kids if she'll be gone first. Oh, we will surely be miserable.
I don't know. Let's just see who'll be the first one. There'd surely be a river of tears when that day comes.
I tried to reach out to online folks esp. on Facebook about this matter and these are their terrific yet genuine responses.
Not a verbatim, I will just sum it up shortly. She said it'd depend on the contribution to the family. Weighing who is more of willing and can support the family's needs. If she's that person who can mostly provide, then her husband should go first, and vice versa. Tho, If it's possible, she hopes no one will die (her or husband) because she isn't fond of suffering. Who is?
'If he is worthy enough, then I'll go. But if he's a jerk then he must be the first'
This girl believes that if it is your time, then it is your time.
'I want him to die first. At least he'd been taken care of for the rest of his life'.
Death is a natural event in human life. It cannot be stopped from happening. It's the finitude of us all, written in our hands but we cannot see. The truth that life is a limited privilege, we are aware that one day, one of us or both of us will be early to sail our boats back. We don't know when, but the best thing to do is to cherish every moment.
"The more happy you are, the lesser are your regrets."
All rights reserved.
Lead image - unsplash