Second chance

I often wonder what would become of us if there was nothing like forgiveness. If every time we sinned, we received punishment. Would there be anyone left, would we have any friends left to talk to? I must admit humans are complex in their simplicity, crooked in their straightness, backward in their forwardness and lonely in a world of over two billion people.

I am Mikhail and here is my story on second chances.

I was nine years old when my parents sent me to a boarding house. They were business tycoons and they barely had enough time for us but they did try to be there for us when we needed them. Money was not a problem to us. I had every toys, video games and everything a child wanted to play with. My older sister, Meeha was also given the best of gifts she ever wanted but we were far from the happy family. My sister and I were academically upright, Morally, we were okay, Spiritually, we were focused but as humans, we wanted more and as for me, what I wanted, I had no idea.

I never wanted to leave home. I wanted to study from home and be a day students but my parents felt it was the best thing to do to outsource their responsibilities. I cried, I begged but nobody listened my sister was already used to the life of being away but I wasn’t. I wanted a fixed life. I wanted a healthy family life.

I was admitted into Ivy high school and there I plunged into a life I never for once thought I’d. I excelled academically all through my junior secondary years but I became withdrawn. I always read. I read books to keep myself away from the realities of life. I became weird once I was in ss1 and I had no friends. I was on my own. I didn’t go home for holidays and when the school decides that It wants to close its school doors, I was forced to go home. At home, I became a visitor, I rarely spoke with my parents and my sister. I always spent time in my room reading books or playing video games. My parents became worried and once employed a therapist to attend to me. I told the therapist that I wanted to be left alone and after lots of begging and pleading, I told them what I wanted.

‘myself’ I said when asked by Dr Yusuf what I wanted.

‘what do you mean Mikhail”

‘I want myself back”

‘who are you ? who am I speaking to right now? Isn’t it Mikhail? Mikhail, Son of Zafar?

‘you are speaking to his nightmare’ I replied.

Confusion was written all over his face and he made to ask a question but I was long gone. Gone into the book I was reading and he knew better than to disturb me.

After sometimes without me yielding positive change, Dr Yusuf’s service was no longer needed. My parents thought it was a spiritual attack especially when I began to have nightmares. On some occasions, I’d scream out loud from my sleep thereby disturbing theirs. I began to lose interest in reading as well as eating. It didn’t take long before I became a drug addict. During my final year in secondary school, I was almost expelled. That day, I was already high on coke and didn’t wake up in time for the morning prayers in the school. The house master came to wake me and I didn’t get up. After trying severally, he decided to hit me with a cane. This angered me and I retaliated. I punched him hard in the face and this sent him to the ground. Still under the influence of drugs, I began to hit him till he passed out. The school’s principal and other officials had an emergency meeting and my parents were sent for. Due to my outstanding performance and good character, I was suspended for two months.

My father became devastated. I was his only son yet I was giving him troubles. he began to wonder what went amiss and decided to spend time with me. He booked a flight to Estonia for just the both of us. Now in our various hotel room, we still had the same distance that always lingered between us in Nigeria. But he kept trying to reach out. Now in a country with no friends, I had no option but to respond to his open heart. I knew no one and I lost delight in reading.

Gradually, we began to go out together. We went to beaches and had lunch together and on one occasion my father and I had our first true and intimate conversation.

‘what went wrong’ he asked as we headed back to the hotel

‘Dad, I don’t know’

‘I’m sorry son’ he said as tears welled in his eyes.

‘I remember how bright you were. You smiled and played happily. We were close very close. But you became distant and I wonder what I did wrong. I’m sorry son I for not being there for you. Dr Yusuf said you were a nightmare.’

‘Father, it is a long story’

‘cut it short’

‘when we get to the room we will discuss it’

School activities just ended and I headed to the hostel. I was a new student and as the usual, we were put in care of a man whom we called baba. He was in charge of taking care of us because most of us were referred to as mum’s babies. This man was saddled with the responsibilities of over seeing our affairs and ensuring we were prepared for classes. Baba had no family. He was barely educated and he has been in the school his whole life. Baba was a well built man in his early forties. I didn’t like Baba from the first day. I never liked anything about the school. I just wanted to go home.

On that day, I returned back from school. I saw baba in my room arranging some items.

‘Mikhail, how are you? You look unhappy’

‘I want to home. I don’t like it here.

‘poor little boy. Come over here’ he said as he took sat on the bunk bed and helped me sit on his laps. He began to touch me which I felt was an act of care but he began to say things like he liked me and I was special to him. I got off his laps and went out.

Subsequently, baba would request I dressed in his room just to be sure that I did it right. On a particular day he examined my genital which made me uneasy. I reported to the principal and baba said he suspected I wasn’t cleaning well so he wanted to check. It was his word against mine.

Then on the day school was over, Mother called in that she’d come the following day. I was left alone with Baba and that night I was raped by him. I cried. I cursed mum and dad and hated everybody. The following day, mother couldn’t make it and I was left to face Baba again. I had nowhere to run to, no one to call. Just me against him and as typical of every pedophile, he knew how to play his tricks.

I didn’t know that he called mother telling her that I was sick and was responding to treatment. He told her that the doctor said it would be better if I do not undergo any stress till I recovered. He planned his schemes and made sure I healed before I went home. He had threatened me often that should I tell my parents the truth, he’d deal ruthlessly with me and that went on for three years. I didn’t want to go home because I was stressed. I just kept accepting the assault till I got into ss1 and I stood against him. He laughed and said I was as filthy as he was and enjoyed having sex with him. I felt bad I felt worthless and I wished I did challenge him but I didn’t have the voice.

He stopped touching me by then but I became even more distant and lost to myself.

I began to have nightmares that I didn’t wish to see and gently I began to use drugs.

‘That man has to pay’ Father said bitterly By the time I was done narrating my ordeal, my mum was in tears my sister too was fuming with rage.

‘this man has to go to jail’ Meeha said

‘you should have told me Mik’ she added. Her voice showed tenderness.

We were all together once again as a family in Estonia. My father made several calls to various rehab centers and gradually we began the process of my healing together as a family. What became of baba I don’t know all I know was that the school said it’d look into the matter.

My healing process gave my family a reason to be whole again. It gave a second chance for me to live and now that I’m reborn I feel whole. I am glad I had my family by my side then and I still have them now. Our bond strengthened and truly second chances are the best. I hope we grow to heal and give ourselves second chances in live