In a house without windows, stuffy, and hot, I stood on the bed without moving from my seat. I watched for a long time the silent corners of the walls from the sound of crickets or people's pets. The parrot is not babbling at all tonight, I miss the sound of the chirp which repels the mosquitoes near the untidy slippers in front of the room. The mud from the footwear of many humans mercilessly stepped on the floor which had just been swept this afternoon with a leisurely step from the rain-stained dirt mixed with the dirt from the front yard.
I still pay attention to the corners of the house that are never crowded from the screams and laughter of children my age. There is only lonely, empty, and empty. I am still waiting for the wind to come without being called, through the roofs without holes, through the hallways of the rooms, through the high attic of the bathroom between the room building and the roofless laundry. Around six or eight o'clock in the evening, they often pass by and stop by first into my narrow room, an empty room, only a cupboard, a table the size of an ankle, and a mattress without pillows and bolsters, and a door without a lock that can be turned.
All this time my friends were still drinking fizzy drinks playing with delusions that their hands could not reach, dreams of getting the woman they love, and in dreams wanting to be seduced without anyone knowing. Jazz music and light rain added to the noise of the night. The room was like a playhouse with their singers and hoarse voices, they screamed, filling the air with the same chants, “OK”.
That's the word I can catch. Either this ear or feeling was wrong, or my mind bland became blurry without a word. They shouted 'OK' without pause, stopped talking while drinking, and kissed the wet end of the bottle. While it's almost gone the sparkling water in it. I continued to watch them, my eyes saw their eyes that seemed happy. This time, I could see clearly, their happiness was not in their absence, but in apparent happiness. The happiness came deliberately, one more time they downed the bottle with a toast.
"It's finished, finally ...", he said with a scream of the chaotic tongue. As I watched the mouth stop gaping, I looked at the contents of the bottle which were so dry. The hands of the two people are crawling on the floor, climbing over the bolster, and lying on their side. Her all-black retina looked at the door wistfully, her eyes closed with a smile on her lips.
While they slept, I heard raindrops hitting the walls, asbestos, and metal in the hallway. His voice is noisy, disturbing my loneliness. The cloudiness was getting worse tonight, making the atmosphere even more lonely. It was eleven o'clock in the evening, I was still awake waiting for the wind that had not yet come. Either forget me or deliberately stay away from me. Since earlier I have prepared a sarong so that when they come my body won't be cold, and my veins won't shiver like yesterday. My soul floated by embracing myself confined in an empty room.
I'm lonely, imagining all the unexpected. My dreams faded back, imagined I loved a woman, intimate, we made out together. On a park bench that is just the two of us, I sit beside him, lay my arm on his back, and weave a story neatly arranged in my memory. I saw many faces arriving, no men, all women. They stood around me and all sat on my lap. They whispered stories to me. I heard the stories that were sung with the lipstick of this beautiful woman. Now, with their soft ears, I began to fill these beautiful women with humorous and romantic stories. Without realizing it, the game took place solemnly, dancing, singing, and looking at the bright clouds with plants that stood on the edge of the ceiling, it turned out that the park was on a green hill. Lush without the sound of crickets and frogs, no heat, and no rain. Here, it turns out that the wind is hiding, eavesdropping on the happiness that is painted.
But there was no sound of rain, the smell of plants with wet stems, and no cold breeze at all. Earlier, they seemed to accompany their friends drinking bottles until they fell asleep, they fell asleep without a word. To my surprise, the roofs of the houses had holes like pinholes, until I came out of my reverie on the edge of the door. The water drops one by one, wetting the back, cheeks, and dry hair. The closed cupboards flow slowly by the damp water from the leaking asbestos. I'm getting more annoyed and don't care, plus the wind that doesn't come. The stifling heat creeps into between the armpits and thighs. The clothes felt soaked with sweat, it felt so hot tonight. Ah ... This self doesn't care about the situation. Eyes that feel sleepy, back that feels shaking and heavy, finally the energy and enthusiasm to give up, I surrender myself to fall asleep continuing the dream that was delayed earlier.
Bright morning, lightly waved greetings, and doors. Slowly opened the tightly closed cloud. The sound of birdsong was heard again, arriving one by one. Apparently, they became angry that the night was no longer loyal to the beaks and feathers of the wet wings. The dew from the cypress leaves was too much for them to suck, too cold. The fruit of the walnut stalks was too moist for the birds to enjoy.
Meanwhile, under the creek near the shop, a mother hen with four of her chicks is looking for worms or some rice grains. His head ducked and shook his head occasionally. And I still can't cast the shadow from last night. Last night was like choking my neck. My veins became tense and my mind was slack, drunk, out of control, unable to remember. My eyes stared at the sun drums that ignited the skin, burning body temperature. Almost lying in the grass in the schoolyard, because of the intense heat. In the solitude of this afternoon, a beautiful girl in a blue veil passed before her eyes, across the clouds. And I got up looking for the source of that motion, the unexpected shadow. Those of us who don't understand, meet face to face, see eyes, and fill our hearts. With words burning hot, chasing after love and passion. His footsteps began to leave, away from sitting pretty. Her black hair hung straight, with a chubby smile and a sweet one that you can't forget.
Suddenly, from a distance, you can hear his name, his calls, and his familiarity in this always annoying ear. "Diyan ..., let's go home, the sun is high", shouted his friend, a woman who has always been Dian's best friend.
Only then did I feel a name that resonates and is hard to forget. From the unique form of the words, the call is exquisite. Until I remember in my heart, mouth, and memory at the same time memorizing every word and spelling out the name over and over. Spelling after spelling kept coming out, and it clogged up in houses, in rooms, and in bathtubs.
When holding the dipper to splash all over his body, his name came to mind. Scrubbing my bath with the presence of a name without a figure. So, what else should a man do when his calmness is disturbed, eating tastes bland, soft, and unpleasant. Plus sleep is not soundly, eyes feel tired, hot, but hard to close. I better wait for time. Welcoming the setting sun. Above the bathroom attic, the times began to change. The whole world appeared red hot. The sky and the trees were misted by the color of red twilight, the crows and finches carrying a group of family and friends began to return to the tamarind tree on the hill behind the school building to hide behind the lush and green leaves, after a busy day, tired, tired of flying here and there looking for worms and caterpillars crawling slowly on sunflower stalks.
Second, by a second, every ticking second the sun drowns itself, sinks behind the other hemisphere. But the red twilight remains faithfully waiting, welcoming the moon which will become a new light for the children and traders who play children's story songs and discuss the things that have just happened in society.
But again, the moon had not yet appeared, the clouds came back. The whole world seemed to have lost its light, due to pitch black with clouds on the right, left, and corners here and there. My heart feels irritated, it feels like cursing the clouds, punching and kicking each cloud one by one. But that was delusional, it wouldn't be possible, other than to hide behind the bedroom door. Looking back at the frozen and mossy wall, looking at the photo on the wall that only flashed a smile. From yesterday it was all that filled the time, filling the silence, only the walls, cupboards, and photos with smiling poses. Indeed, her smile is charming and sweet, but when I asked her to talk, it was as if she was just silent, ignoring me, giving up hope, and just looking away. Armed with a sarong and sitting in the corner of the room, I held my neck and knees. Looking at the wood and walls with a blank and empty look, lonely. In heavy rain like this, three of my friends who filled the room in front of my room went somewhere. Every day he wanders erratically, he might come home before dawn.
But again, the moon had not yet appeared, the clouds came back. The whole world seemed to have lost its light, due to pitch black with clouds on the right, left, and corners here and there. My heart feels irritated, it feels like cursing the clouds, punching and kicking each cloud one by one. But that was delusional, it wouldn't be possible, other than to hide behind the bedroom door. Looking back at the frozen and mossy wall, looking at the photo on the wall that only flashed a smile. From yesterday it was all that filled the time, filling the silence, only the walls, cupboards, and photos with smiling poses. Indeed, her smile is charming and sweet, but when I asked her to talk, it was as if she was just silent, ignoring me, giving up hope, and just looking away. Armed with a sarong and sitting in the corner of the room, I held my neck and knees. Looking at the wood and walls with a blank and empty look, lonely. In heavy rain like this, three of my friends who filled the room in front of my room went somewhere. Every day he wanders erratically, he might come home before dawn.
In a tense atmosphere, this heart is restless again, longing to be present again, feelings of anxiety, become uncertain. Instead of being torn by blank memories, scratching sadly, it's better to remember a beautiful name that I just met this afternoon. A name that is so beautiful and presents a friend, drives away the lonely. Diyan…, out of nowhere, it suddenly disturbed this lonely life. Being friends in the drizzle, writing words in sweet dreams. The approaching footsteps repeated, then just walked away. The blue veil that first showed the eyes, and the cute smile that nobody could have. His presence this time is like a situation of my friend who fell in love with a woman who has now become a loyal friend. Being here this time feels like that story. Since yesterday, food was tasteless, unpleasant, and nauseous. Sleep feels bad, disturbed, and whoosh sounds other than mosquitoes. This adds to the pain in my life's struggles, but sometimes when I remember her name, loneliness is cured. I don't know whose full name is, or maybe the name is a gift from a father and mother, from a pair of parents who have contributed to bringing it in this world. So that this loneliness heals, the silence disappears, and I miss it passionately. But the desires and desires in the heart are getting more and more erratic and want to explode. Keep pressing out, I want to always have Diyan, Diyan, and Diyan that can't be separated from my side.
Outside, at once the pouring rain slowly exhausted itself and became a drizzle, moaning in the clouds. I continued to pay attention to the night sky, which tirelessly returned, driving away from the obscure crowd, which was only filled with cheap gossip and fake, nonsense news. I could not stop watching the night while waiting for the wind to come to drive the heat away from the sun this afternoon. The cloudy sky opened up, the stars were born and twinkled at me, the moon laughed at me with a big smile. Without stopping I watched the night blinking, without getting bored. This is what makes my perch in the void because only the silence of the night comforts my heart, only the stars, and the moon hug this body tightly. My soul perched on the gullet of the earth, traversing the details of rocks, grass, neighboring houses, and cats running after a necklace gift from their master, hoping this cat could share equally. Every time I look at the ceiling with its dazzling lights, blinking incessantly glancing at me, I remember the traces full of sin, a thousand and many more memories of me being a child, starting games, my naughty, and faces that gave me advice incessantly- they all stopped holding my shoulder and believed.
I feel that night is superior today, with the existence of night, we can more freely isolate ourselves from empty teasing and ruffling, telling prejudiced things that make sleep a nightmare. I feel, there is a night because of love and affection. By looking at the moon and stars, a human who misses and misses his lover will quickly be relieved by remembering the traces of his lover. For a long time, I looked at the stars with a gaze without a wink, and my lips moved as if they wanted to say something.
"Why are you only looking at me? Instead of looking at the chaotic market situation, I'd better watch you guys on duty all night, something unique that a kid like me rarely does. "
Only those words spat out and came out of my mouth, the occasional eyes bursting into tears and laughing to myself remembering the things in my footsteps. However, the moon and stars are just like clouds and wind, they don't answer my questions, silence me like everyone else, even though I often see them shine when people sleep soundly lulled in dreams full of pleasure, by dreaming of becoming a merchant or at least changing. circumstances. Although I often say sorry words towards myself and a meaning that is stored in my heart. Remembering the name Diyan always reminds me to sit waiting for the night, waiting for the wind to rip the mango leaves, and meet the moon that is high up. Occasionally my hand grasped it and I opened my fist again. And at these times, a word becomes meaning, and longing becomes anxious, ignites restlessness. And I can only pray, hoping that all my dreams and desires will be as high as the sky in a bright, bright night, and become bright, colored like the stars tonight.
Lovely article