I try to remember that time, even when he/she doesn't remember it will still be vividly displayed in my mind that day. The coincidence that feels more suitable is called luck. Because if it wasn't so, my mind would definitely melt the memory of what happened that day.
Feeling like a failure isn't a bad thing for me, but being given advice and enlightenment by successful people is something I really don't like. The bullshit about DON'T stop having hope and change will lead to a better direction are some of the many advisers of advice. Successful people do not understand my condition and their circumstances. The empathy and sympathy they show are only limited to small talk because I am a part of them. If I was a foreigner, then they would surely hate and curse Me. Other successful people who see people fail to insult objects and elements of fear in their children to learn more actively. Feelings of hatred also led me to become addicted to drunkenness and heavy alcoholism in my youth. If only they were from my beginning, it might be something they call "change" and that "hope" could arise and I feel so that my youth could become brighter.
However, one thing confuses me, I can't remember how many times I did bad things about these successful people but still, they didn't throw me out or kick me out. Honestly, I don't like being a parasite on the trees they plant.
"How? How do they still accept me?" Questions are always perched on my mind like a mischievous bird confused in a direction but too lazy to fly again. I always wished my illness would make me forget about it, but strangely it didn't. They are very unlikely to make Meid on the grounds that they need Me because I simply don't need what they need. "Yeah, why do I to lately thinking about something I don't like," I said at the time.
After lying down quickly onto the bed of my room, while looking around the room which was in a condition like a broken ship. Whit my age now, this has no useful work or routine at all. My rent house is financed by successful people. I have been looking for a job but it often ends in failure. Maybe no one wants to accept people with bad pasts like me, the only reason I can think of.
Where is the right ecosystem for failed people like me? Is it true that people fail to stay out or is it just me and the failed people around me that can't go up? Wait, why am I suddenly thinking about this. Could it be one of the influences of successful people that indirectly made me open my eyes after a long time? When it's like this, sleep is a good choice, dreaming in sleep can improve mood even though behind the curtain dreams are only ephemeral. But for a failed person who can not achieve success is more than enough.
After letting go of sleepiness, another thing that can give me satisfaction is watching a movie. Exploring anything that is presented by a movie can make me bored gradually disappears. However, that day there was a very strong stench in my house that really disturbed my rent while watching. "Really, I didn't think the trash in my house piled up this much. Huh! Maybe you guys made me bad luck!" I said with emotion that was about interrupting my leisure time. I don't know what I was thinking that day that made me take the initiative to clean up the trash in this cramped house. Unknowingly, I cleaned and threw away the piled-up trash until my house became cleaner and well-maintained.
After collecting all the trash in my house, I sat for a while on the chair that had previously rested trash in the corner of the living room. "Weird, very strange," I said. After cleaning up quite a lot of trash in the house, why after sitting for a while and looking around this clean house doesn't make me feel tired, sleepy, and bored. Usually, even though I sleep early, I always feel comfortable after doing light activities. But why this time my body doesn't feel tired. Unknowingly, I've been pondering, is there any idea that seems to push me, so I immediately stood up and prepared to take out this trash
All the way out the door of the house, I was pensive. Really my mind was completely pensive, my body moved as if it didn't feel out of the house. After the trash was released from my hands and fell into the litter box, I looked up at the sky. How bright it was today, so without realizing it I returned to pensiveness, but this time my reflection became clear. It feels like my soul has been soaked by past mistakes, and wait for it to dry. Until finally after all this time I can feel peace, a very comfortable feeling. So comfortable which then made my lips bend 35 degrees, forming a complete smile with a look away from the word sour and pout.
"Who changed you?" The countless number of questions were heard by my senses. If only I didn't have religion, I'm sure he would embrace religion soon after. Since there were no living beings at that time, it is evidently evident that the thing that changed Me was God, Almighty God.