Lost

I wish I was sleeping right now. I hope that everything I feel is just part of a dream and I can run away from there anytime. But it turns out, everything is so real to be called a flower sleep. The warmth of the air from these eyes feels very real and of course wet. Lord, if I were given one wish to be granted soon, make all of this just a dream. That's all God, the rest I will try harder.

My thoughts drifted to the past few months. The irony is, I could smile so wide and then crash in a matter of months. Why do humans change so quickly? I have no idea. Honestly, I'm confused about what to do now. No matter how hard I try to make 'she' sure, it won't change anything. It has changed, so accept it. But, how can I accept all of that easily?

God, this night is so much lonely. In fact, it was much colder and dense than the past nights. I want off. I wanted to wake up and find that this was all a dream. Again I am not dreaming. So this is how heartbreak feels like? This is how it feels when you know that something will disappear tomorrow. And tonight will be the last night where I can feel the warmth of those hands.

I don't want to cry in front of her. For God's sake not. But what if I can't bear it. I just can't. Maybe it was true that she used to say that I was a crybaby. All this time I always obeyed his request, but this time I couldn't. Can I obey his will to leave me? I can not. Even so, I couldn't take back his words either.

Maybe there is something that can't be forced. But it can't be that anymore. I want to fix everything, isn't it all my fault? Didn't she ever think that I was there trying to accept her with all his imperfections? Maybe she tried but still couldn't. I began to think, is that bad in my nature? Never mind.

She said she still loved me, but she could no longer be with me. How could she say that she loved me but did not accept my nature? No, that's not it, I'm selfish, I just don't want her to leave. I don't know that I really, really love her. All I have to do if I really love her is to let her go. I can't afford it, I want it too much. Maybe one day I'll give it up.

Let it hold my hand a little longer before tomorrow all will be lost. Let my hand brush her hair like I always did before.

Let me see it before tomorrow it will become taboo. I'm afraid about tomorrow, the day after tomorrow, and the next day. I can still see it all but away.

Over and over I told her I loved her, loved her very much. But it's useless, she refused what had been his decision. Do you know what I'm so afraid of? Seeing her with other people would stab me much sharper when she hurt me.

I saw the hand was still holding me. I know it won't belong. But can tonight be any longer than usual? The answer is still no. I told you not to cry. Sorry honey, this time I can't. Let me show you what I want to be like before. like when you say that you love me. It is precisely in this place that you say that too. soon it will all end here too.

And… I understand it's time to accept that all of this must be lost. did she know that my lips were so heavy when she sent her home? Certainly, but she wouldn't refuse. Honey, please stay a little longer, please refute what I just said, and say you still want to be with me a little longer, please say. she got up from his seat and or my group realized, she would no longer stay. There will be no more goodnight greetings for me. No more words that make me smile on the days that are tough for me. Will completely disappear.

I tried to hold myself back from remaining silent in front of her. Unfortunately, I immediately applied it tightly. For the last time, I could smell his perfume between breaths. she said for a moment before she finally let me go. And this time she really let me go. The fact is very contrary to what she said before that there will not be a time when she leaves me. The fact that I am standing right now. Lord, convince me to let it go. I kissed her cheek to cover the night. Then she went from before me and also my world.

-Honey, go wherever you want, I won't get in your way again after this. Will never. I won't try to draw you into my world, never again. I love you too much and want you to be free as you want. Please, don't be sorry. I promise you that I will be happy for you. Honey, says that in the past you really loved me, that's enough. At least we have really loved each other without engineering and coercion. Go on, even though I will still miss you. See you again when my heart is shealed .-