Just Little Delusions

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3 years ago


I turned my head back. In about 18 hours, I did not find a figure who used to sit on the bench behind my back. Where is she? It was unusual for her not to show up until this hour.

Ah, maybe she overslept. Wasn't her face so wrinkled yesterday?

Intending to unwind for a moment, I inched from my seat to approach the classroom door which was wide open. Walk as relaxed as possible into the main corridor overlooking the west part of the school, the greenest place in the entire high school.

I took a deep breath. Fresh. As usual, velvet with fine plants here and there was able to anesthetize my two beads. Even the chirping sparrow reconciled the morning. I wipe the reservoir enjoying the pride of my school. At first glance, the situation at six o'clock this morning looks good, peaceful, still deserted and ...

'I want to end my life.'

Still trying to stabilize my mind, I suddenly encountered flashes of fragmentary memoirs of yesterday. Hold on, isn't that a sound—?

Cash I straightened up standing on the threshold of ash wood. Looking inside, reclining on the back seat right corner. In a split second later, I found myself stranded in the past.

… The recess's end bell rang. Cash, students dressed in ash rushed into the classroom. In a matter of seconds, the atmosphere of class X-3 changed to a lively atmosphere with various conversations from various mini forums of several groups of students there. Many students seemed to be involved in sharing information, talking-up, chatting, or just joking. Everyone — except for one person who I don't think has voiced her aspirations until this afternoon.

I turned my head back. Facing an olive-skinned woman with her curls flowing to the side. The woman raised her head on the table. Covering her whole pretty face facing the jubin. Hey, what's up with her? I said to myself. Vaguely, I could feel the table shaking. Is she shaken?

"Mi—" My greeting ended very softly for me to hear myself. From this, you can clearly see the frustrated writings of a teenager who is embodied in angry ink on the torn paper on her desk. I hurriedly read to myself the writing that was positioned upside down from where I was reading.

'When a dream is resolved from the heart, what is wrong with establishing yourself on a higher ladder? Still-'

"Mila, are you sick?" Not having had time to feel all the words, suddenly Mrs. Ayami was beside the woman's bench. Trying to calm down without knowing anything, I put aside the sitting style facing the wall. Reading class wall magazine without any intention to absorb the word.

From the tail of my eye, I caught the image of her hand hiding the torn paper in a swift motion. “Nope. Just having a little bit dizzy, ma'am, ”she said lightly. This is her first vote of the day. Short, low intensity, and conveying flavor ... Wait, what kind of flavor did the vocals have?

While patting the girl's head gently, our teacher grinned, “That's not very usual of you to get this quiet. Do you need to go to UKS? " She asked again.

“That's not necessary. Seriously, I am okay," she said broke in the middle sentence. Strange, something's wrong. Was it just me who wasn't sure what he said or was he ...

Their conversation ended and Mrs. Ayami walked past me with her gaze glaring at me. What a coincidence I wasn't being scolded like before. A minute later, she caught our attention again with an unmistakable light regarding the Question-tag chapter in front of the class.

Instantly the class was quiet. All attention turned to the tiny person upfront. Pay close attention to each explanation that unfolds without pause or flaw. But not me. There is still something that tickles my curiosity.

When the textbook session started, I slowly turned my head back and was a little surprised to find the woman behind my back curling her head again. "La, number five can be part E, can you?" I asked, opening the discussion.

Anticipating her response, I looked closely at her figure. Slowly, she rolled her head to look at me, empty. "Number five?" Instead of being answered, she seemed reluctant to look for the book in question from her bag. "Sorry, Fik. I think I forgot to put in the book, "he said hanging without looking at me.

Given her habit of always getting excited when she didn't bring school supplies, it was very surprising that he responded so casually. "Here, please. Just use my book, "She said the initiative to offer help.

“Nope. It's okay, really, ”she cut quickly.

I looked at her face for a moment to find invisible things pinned. Her cat's eyes were faint pockets, wistful. The tip of his nose turned red. Her eyes were hollow. No sweet curved smile on his lips. Gosh, what's up with him? "What's wrong with her?"

Before she had time to answer, the lesson change bell rang. Not according to my expectation, the woman got up and asked permission to go to the bathroom to Mrs. Ayami, telling me, “Nothing to worry about, Fik. I'm completely okay, ”then passed until it disappeared behind the door.

You're not even an inch closer to the word 'Okay,' Mila.

After leaving, I settled myself to move my seat to the back, feeling entitled to complete the severed sentence earlier. Carefully, I felt the desk drawer, pulled a fist of paper out, then read it .. And gasped to me.

… For a moment my consciousness returned. That was twelve hours ago. I seem to know where he strolled away.

Her name is Kamila, her face is sweet like sugar, but her life is not as beautiful as we think.


If there is lightning wind I can ride, without a second thought I will use it now.

I run and keep running. Penetrating the hustle and bustle of the heart of the city, contorting your body, sneaking around here and there, not caring about the heat of the sun that sowed your head, even in the uniform which was shabby because it was time to go home from school. Anterior thought hard focused on one goal; that woman.

Where is the most comfortable place for women to save themselves? A place close to the school, reachable on foot, and you think no one will interrupt?

At a traffic light intersection, I turned into a narrow alleyway where many people did not go. Still, in running condition, this road led me to a five-story building that was still abandoned. Faint flashes of memoirs right at the sight of this semi-finished building shook the pulse. Yes, this is the place.

A few seconds later, I found myself climbing two steps at once passionately regardless of the fragile construction. I have to hurry to the top floor. It must be fast or it will be too late.

My heart is beating faster. One more ladder to the roof. With a chasing breath, cut the stairs as sharp as possible. What will I find there? If someone I'm looking for doesn't exist? Or only I found the body?

Again, flashed the memoirs of the stairs I had just walked. Her shaken figure, her shaking hands, her clothes getting worn and the second she picked up the knife that was lying on the floor. Suddenly my throat tightened, my body stiffened, my heart stopped beating for a moment .. God!

I found it.

"Mila?" On the sidelines of the reinforcing bars that are still sticking out at a deep length

regularity of distance, I found a tiny figure sitting cross-legged looking up at the bright blue horizon. She — still wearing a white and gray uniform that looked shabby. Her shaggy hair was also wrinkled. The woman was stunned ignoring me without moving the body to an equal degree.

So she ran away yesterday, stayed here, and ate nothing until now?

She is still silent. Motionless, no sound Cautious, I inch closer to him. Think positively so that he doesn't do crazy things that can happen at any time. Apparently, he was not surprised by my arrival. “How long have you been here, Mil? Aren't you bored? "

"Fik, stop. Do not come here. Or-"

“—Or are you going to jump? You jump, I jump too, ”The sentence ended when I finally sat with him, beside him. It is beautiful here. Our two pairs of beads can enjoy an orderly view of our Little Town from west to east. What a perfect place to cool off.

Mila grimaced, then said quickly, "Stale."

"You challenge?" I said firmly.

There was a moment's silence. From the tail of my eye, I could catch him looking down, then looked at me and asked, "Why are you following me?"

I looked back at her. Catch various emotional lines there. The fatigue of the blinking of his eyes, the constancy of her cheekbones, the fear of the frown on her forehead, and the conviction of the two black screens swirling her bead. "Why did you leave quietly?"

"Why did you change the subject?"

"Why do you want to die?"

"Why did you interfere?"

"Why can't I interfere in your business?"

"Why don't you answer my question?"

I stopped speaking, took a deep breath. "First because I wanted to. Second, I just wonder how you are. Third, because I can never calm down .. Before seeing you, "I replied at length while still looking at her two shiny eyes. Instantly his pupils dilated. Her gaze ducked down on the deserted street below. I didn't say the wrong word, right?

“You know… Papa always demands more. Telling me to go into things I don't like so that I can be extraordinarily different from the others. And it seems, cutting off the age when we grow up without any reason is incredibly true. " The answer was unmoved. I swallowed hard. Responding to her drastic change in silence. Are you crazy?

"Mil," I said, touching her fingers, "The most extraordinary thing you can do is be yourself."

She fell silent again. Squeezed my fingers so tightly that I could feel her handshaking. Her body was shaken. I tried to embrace it. But I can't. I still don't deserve to hold her closer. In his condition like this, I saw his memory was adapted by the figure of a man with a firm face with the hum of a compelling sentence, 'You have to be a doctor! No other! '

A second later, her warm grip disappeared. I haven't had time to read all the memories, she has stood up away from me while taking out a knife from her pocket. "Fik, I'm not strong anymore, really," he said shaking. At the same time, I jumped to catch her shaken fingers grasping the knife that was approaching as fast as lightning on her left wrist.

“MILA! STOP! " Without wasting any time, I stepped my foot towards her grazing I have to stop it! Suddenly I could feel the time running by when I realized, I knew that the sharp blade of the knife was only a pinch. "ARGH!"

I let out a loud scream. Her strong hand managed to cut straight across my right arm. I sat not strong. Feel the sting of the wound that is getting open. Cash, I heard Mila shout my name. Then she rushed to my position.

"Fikri, oh my. Sorry!" The power that I pushed into his left hand managed to prevent Mila from the action. Thankfully. Now, she even panicked for seeing me. With one swift motion, Mila ripped a circle underneath her ash skirt with the knife that had just slashed at me. There was a bandage on my skirt three times and then she began to wrap the wound.

"Sorry," she said while looking down at the bandage. Vaguely, there were tears falling down a small part of the bandage on her ash skirt.

I cleared my throat for a moment. Touched her chin, lifted it then said,

“When a dream is realized from the heart, what is wrong with establishing yourself on a higher ladder? Shouldn't we believe and believe in ourselves? There is no point in plagiarizing, curbing, or coercing. We are free to choose from. We are free to be ourselves. Because we determine where we will go. "

One more crystal came out from her right eye. Then she smiled. The first sweet asymmetrical basin I got after this day. "You also searched for my table and bag?" She asked giggled softly.

"Yes .. But not what you think, Mil."

"Let's go home? Go to the hospital, fix your wound first. "

I shook my head. "Wait a moment, tired of knowing chasing you up here."

Mila chuckled. Then he sat on my right side, gripped my fingers tightly, and said softly, "I'm still wondering how you got here."

"Instinct?" I replied carelessly which he responded by hitting my arm lightly.

“Ridiculous. That's the mainstream answer. "

"So, do you want an anti-mainstream one? But promise me you won't be surprised… ”My offer invited a graceful nod. "To be honest, I can read the past of everything."

“Cool! Then what can you read from me? "

I cleared my throat. "You… like me — very much."

Suddenly, she looked at me closely. Pondered for a moment until finally the corners of her lips shyly raised degrees. "Aren't you?"

"Yes, but .."

"But what?" Her cut demands my hanging sentence. I looked at Mila slowly. Get lost in the charm of his beaded evening. Silence hangs for a moment in the calm breeze that dances around us, peaceful. This is the time. Slowly my face approached, gently crushed her red lips at a glance.

"But I'm just your little delusion."

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3 years ago


Ending your life is not the solution to escape from your problems. You need to face it with courage coupled with faith to God. 😇

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