prayer

god, if you're out there...


i don't wanna play a rigged game

that's why I'm still broke


If one flew over the Cuckoo's nest,

maybe i can be next.


They poisoned me. That is true.
but what will blaming them get me?
The main thing is survival:

The most sacred urge.

(Sea lion)

I could shake all men's hands

should they be men.

And -- sit around the blazing (love) campfire heat even with thieves like me

Should their regret for not taking more from the

true robbers

eat them alive.


(Sea-lah). Fuck that Jewish cult shit. (I mean Sea Lion-ism)


But what we "stole" we always deserved

all Gods be damned --


It's no shame poison. Just a seeing that I'm in the boat. Happy(?) it ain't sunk. But also more than "willing" to swim for the shore and rip your face off should you hate life and prefer delusion!


You see? Now we're alive.


The lust for calm women.
The love of a sunset.
I'm the pagan my mother warned me about:


Harmless and effervescent.

But I calculate to survive

so don't let me toot my own horn too much


I used to swim universes

But now I'm stuck

Just an excuse 

for something that could have mattered.


And yet --

Here I am in meat and bones

Crazy and alone


I love you all so fucking much.


The fragrant osmanthus sings its perfume song

to my nostrils


and I shut the fuck up


But

I will defend my tired little body

and the precious gems I've been gifted

all your Gods be forever damned to hell


I'm already there.