Tired of I don't even know what

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Avatar for Almi
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3 years ago

"Do you sometimes feel unmotivated to do anything all of the sudden? Like you think you're finally making something good out of your life then all of the sudden you thought ''If I succeed on this, what's next? What's the point?'' How do you deal with it without overthinking negatively?"

This was a post I wrote somewhere few months ago. I wrote it anonymously so I didn't even think too much on what would be the impact to the reader. "If I'm the only one thinking this way here, would these thoughts negatively influence the way they think as well?" such questions didn't occur to me, I desperately need to know their answer on how they deal with it, even hypothetically. Although I didn't say it clearly, I was depressed and lost. Is this an existential conflict? You tell me.

A bit cliche to say, but the main factor which made me think so much about life was this whole pandemic thing. During that time, I feel like I'm not in the right place to be so down and depressed because I have home, I eat 3 times a day, ironically this was the glorious phase of my career, and I have my whole family by my side during the whole "strict" quarantine period. It just didn't seem right to suddenly speak about this whole being depressed over something, something I don't even know, knowing that there are people out there who just lost their jobs, probably starving and even lost their love ones. I've proven this right by trying to open up to people I'm close with. All I got was confusion on how ridiculous my feelings were, seeing how lucky I was during the past few months, they just shrugged me off and almost looked at me with disgust for how irrational I was and inconsiderate of the hardships people around me are going through. Was I really that wrong? Could it be that I unconsciously chose to feel that way? Did I have complete control over my emotions?

From that post, I got some advices from people I don't even know personally, which made me realize that most people are going through this same inner conflict but are too scared to talk about it, just like me . Here are some:

"i totally get that. my advice to you is that, recognize your problems, don’t bottle them up but also take care of yourself. i know it can be so difficult, but you’ve got this and just know, your life is what you make it. peace & love "

"Take one day at a time, one hour at a time. You are so young, ten years from now, your life will be completely different from what it is today."

"The moments I feel positive, I try to catch, and then keep playing them over and over in my head. Sometimes works, sometimes doesn't. But I tell myself "if you could feel good a few minutes ago, you can feel good again. Just be patient. Don't give in to your negative emotions." then when I feel good again after a few hours/days/weeks, I tell myself "see? Patience pays off" and so I try to catch that good feeling again and try to drag it out as far as I can in time."

"Start looking for the next goal. Whether emotional, physical, financial or otherwise. Life happens a lot faster then you realize, last week it feels like I was in my 20's now I'm in my 40's trying to figure out retirement"

From those statements, I came up with a rough conclusion on what I felt that time and what I should do.


If you're a financial advisor, you can freely disagree with me. Kidding.

What does living in the present mean? For me what it means is to stop thinking of those "what ifs" and "what's the point?" in everything that you do. Sometimes being too aware is a disadvantage for our mental health. It basically means that even yourself is discouraging you on doing the things you want in the present. Thinking too much about the future is unhealthy. It suddenly became clear that I was just worried on not being able to maximize my lifetime in this world. It made me feel like I'm failing on making my life meaningful. Being stuck at home, it seemed like living is so boring. Nothing new is happening, like I wasn't living at all. That's what triggered the question: what's the point of waking up and surviving. That's when you start losing sight of the countless of reasons to go on and live a happy life.

Do what makes you happy everyday, if possible make a living out of things you love doing. Do whatever it takes to succeed on your goals. Thinking ahead is great but sometimes it isn't. Stop thinking of what's next, especially if you still haven't reached your current goal yet, just enjoy each and every moment. In the case where you achieved what it is that you wanted and have no prior plans on what to do after, then just think of that as a time reward to free your mind and soul, basically take a rest! If you ever feel lost at some point again, just get back to the things that you used to do which made you once unbothered by anything, it could be your favorite games that you used to play with your sister, or that dusty guitar you used to enjoy playing but stopped at some point. Go back the things that you loved doing without thinking what's the point of doing all of those. I'm sure you'll see the significance of everything you do, and only you can figure it out yourself. Goodluck!


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Avatar for Almi
Written by
3 years ago