"Laugh WITH people" instead of "Laugh AT people".

Have you ever tried been bullied by other people? Have you ever tried being the laughing stock of others? How do you feel? How did you endure the feeling? Did you try to take revenge? Have you moved on?

Nowadays, we knew that bullying is more known and even children already know how to do it to their playmates. Where did it come from? Why do some people make fun of others? I, myself, was a victim of bullying. How did I manage to move forward? What did I do?

Let me share my story.

When I was a child, I am a malnourished kid. I easily got sick. Easily got stumbled and easily cry for nothing. I am afraid of people, even when my father has visitors. I easily get panicked and ran to the room.

I don't like to play with friends or cousins. I don't know if I can call them childhood friends thought cause I only have my closest cousin who'd been there for me despite my situation. We've been together since then though she'll play with others outside.

I don't like to play with my cousins cause I knew I am weak. Sometimes I got jealous of my siblings cause they can do what they like. Like playing outside and run without fear of being sick and stumbled.

I have this cousin, she's the eldest sister of my closest cousin. Let us call my closest cousin Jenny, she's a month older than me. And her Ate as Jessy, she's older than us about 2 years. Jessy doesn't like me. She was the one who's making fun of me. I don't know why she's mad at me. I still can remember how she made fun of me. She told me I am ugly. That I have big eyes and a big nose, lol. I know I am not beautiful and I accepted my flaws since then. She always laughs at me when I dressed up in good clothes. And she said, no matter what I dressed, I am still ugly. Well, it was okay for me.

One time, I played with our cousins which were our neighbors too. She's not the eldest of us all since we had Ate Lezyl that time. Ate Lezyl was a kind child until now. Ate Jessy doesn't like me to join the game. But Ate Lezyl told her why not, and she said that I will play with them for me to enjoy even for a while. Ate Jessy was mad that time but then she can't do anything about it because all of our cousins didn't approve of her suggestion. Unfortunately, we're in the same group. I was a bit afraid that time, what if I got mistaken for sure she'll get mad. And yeah, she was when I wasn't able to save them all for the game. She talked bad about me until she's bullying me. I was hurt, but I told myself that I will be fine.

When we're already high school students, she still minds my feature. Telling me and her friends that I am ugly, lol. One day, one of her friends told her that I am not ugly. And that, for all the granddaughter of our Lola Ding, I am the one who's the prettiest of all. She told Ate Jessy that I have these beautiful eyes, yes it's big but nog ugly cause it matches with my chubby chicks and long eyelash. That I am whiter unlike them. I and my siblings indeed have this fair complexion where we got from my father's side. She also told Ate Jessy that my nose was not big but natural and matched with my round face. She told Ate Jessy why she's telling them I am ugly which not true. After that, Ate Jessy got mad at them and walked away and she got mad at me too. I don't know why her friend told her that. It was okay with me because, for me, it's not important to have a beautiful face as long as you're not downgrading other people's dignity.

I also can't forget the time that Ate Jessy made a laugh at our house before when I was an elementary pupil. She said that our house was so ugly and that we cannot make a house made of cement and hollow blocks. And that we will stay poor. Our house at that time was bamboo made and our ceiling at that time was coconut leaves. Yes, we're poor. I admit. But it was the reason why my father made all of his best until we can renovate our house when I was a high schooler. It wasn't easy, my father slowly changed our house, and little by little he saved money for more materials for the house. When I was a fourth-year high school, our house was almost done.

When I got stopped after high school and not able to study in college, she always told me that I will never be able to go to college. But then, she was the one who's not able to finish her first semester in college. I am still not able to go to college for how many years. But since I promised myself that I will finish my studies, I enrolled myself after 3 years and more. I experienced hardship. I experienced to be hungry cause of having not enough allowance and even borrowed from my classmates if there will be a contribution to pay. I don't have a choice cause I don't want to stop my studies. Ate Jessy told me that I will not make it and I will quit. Those words I heard from her, made those a challenge and those made me stronger to not quit. Those words were my reminder that if I quit, she'll be happy because I didn't succeed. Fortunately, I able to endure those trials and pain. When I was a fourth-year college, her attitude started to change. She always talked good things about me and every time I posted on Facebook, she's one of those who encourage me to fight and keep going. Every time I see her comments, I can't stop myself to laugh. Why was she like that? It's like we're close and she did not do bad to me. But still, I manage to respond and talked to her like it's nothing.

When I already graduated, she told me that I might change like our other 2nd degree cousins who graduated in college too. She said that I might not accept them as my relatives because I already have a degree unlike them. I want to say in her face that "Hello? Do you have amnesia?" . She acts like a good person in front of me and my family, until NOW.

I can say that our lives now were so far from what was our life before. We're able to renovate our house now and it was already bug though not yet done. Thanks to my father who made things possible.

Before Ate Jessy laughs at us for being poor. They were not rich though but when she mocked us before, it's like she has. Before, she treated us like we're trash. But now, I notice how good she is to us now. It's like she forgot what she'd been telling us. I don't know but she's the total opposite with her sister, Ate Jenny. Ate Jenny is a very kind and good-hearted person. She doesn't know how to mock another person, unlike her elder sister.

I want to talk to Ate Jessy about our past but I prefer not to. I just let her act now like she's a good person. Though, I am praying that she might change into a good human. I am not the only person she treated that way too. I think she's just jealous of others. Even to our cousins who has now a work. She always talked bad to them, maybe because no one likes to be close with her. Well, I understand why they don't like her.

Conclusion to my experience:

What I learned is that, don't mock other people. Don't look down on others because you think you're above and supreme. Because we don't know what tomorrow brings. Maybe you are laughing at someone now, but tomorrow it might be vice versa. Try to laugh with others and be good despite differences. Accept what you have and don't have. Don't envy others for things they have and you don't have. Be contented or if you're not contented with what you have, you can always look on your past self and build your future to be what you are. Compare yourself from the past YOU, that way you will be more successful in the future YOU.

Cover photo from Unsplash.

https://unsplash.com/photos/rwF_pJRWhAI