For a while I've been thinking,
Why did I ever push you away?
My eyes to the ceiling,
Praying to God to bring you my way
What the hell was I thinking?
I don't think I was thinking
It's all messed up inside of my head
Its all messed up inside of my head...
This was the twenty-second time I was listening to 'God only knows' by Fireboy.I was heartbroken beyond repair.It had been over seven months since Daniella and I had ended our relationship and it was all my fault.
The incident is still green in my memory like a scene from a Nollywood movie.I told Daniella that I needed space and time to discover myself.
Teary eyed and shocked,she asked 'are you breaking up with me?'
Senseless me said 'yes'
It was a stupid,useless lie.The truth was,I wanted to catch cruise!To enjoy life to the fullest!To have sex with multiple girls!To be recognised as Nigeria's number one teenage player!And with Daniella as my girlfriend, that would have been totally impossible.
All my friends; Dotun,Jason and Tee-famous had no girlfriends. They all had different kinds of girls at their disposals;tall,short,light-skinned,dark-skinned,slim,fat...just name it!I wanted to belong...I wanted to fit in.
Now,when I think of that phrase 'fitting in',I realise that all along I didn't need to fit in.I was already fitting in without even trying.My relationship with Daniella was the envy of our mates and most girls in Goyer University. We wore matching outfits,did Lomotif videos for each other,went for outings and social gatherings together and sent each other cute good morning and good night texts,constantly reminding ourselves of how much we loved each other.
Jason claimed that was immature and I should get rid of her quickly.He claimed I won't even remember her again.That was a blatant lie!
How will I ever forget the person that brought out the talent of writing in me when I thought I'd already buried it?How will I ever forget the person that wiped the hot tears trickling down my cheeks the day I lost my mother?How will I ever forget the person who remembered my twentieth birthday when even my father forgot?How will I ever forget her?How will I ever forget Daniella?
I increased the volume of my MP3 player and allowed my tears to soak the front of my shirt.
If you could just give me one more chance
I promise I'll be a better man
Girl,I know say I don fall your hand
Many times but you still understand
For my mind,for my mind
I been think say I get time...
I cried out,with a shattered heart,my voice matching Fireboy's own
God only knows
If I'll ever see you again
God only knows
If you still know my name
God only knows
Heaven only knows!
©Ikeoluwaposimi