Loneliness is not extraneous to me, as I always found myself in its light whisper ... within its stillness crammed with the weight of the old days, the days when I hated being alive ... in their lonely nights with an alienation that I wove with my hand or perhaps a forced alienation, so we are in a society if one of them achieves one His wishes - especially those that everyone is fighting over - will be rejected no matter how big or strange they are, and I have fulfilled this wish that I have moved away ... I have succeeded with distinction in being hateful and mean, as Emile Sioran says.
No one can guard his isolation if he does not know how to be hateful
He has a right. Who can survive the overwhelming worlds of the internet to build himself an exile, unless he is so strong and repugnant that there is nothing capable of breaking it ?!
But moving away has split me into pieces that have become fragile in exchange for sticking to loneliness. I became cold as opposed to clinging to the old man's mentality. It became boring because I preferred inertia to entering the circus, and there are many captives here! And myself hardly pushing me to live the next moment. What strength would that make me endure the nightmare of being inside those worlds once again?
I hear the echo of my broken voice as he insists, as he foolishly tries to reach me with his obsession, “Why would you go back again? Think about yourself, you need followers and readers!” Really, my voice? Do you believe yourself after you devoured your thought juice to no avail? After they made you get lost in order to get distracted by the road. Then were you not present and your words were being uttered in the trance of ignorance? You hate all those you met with half presence, while inside you you thought you were loyal to them, that is not loyalty. They are well aware of your deception, they know that your destination has always been far from them, all the points that you used to seal your endless emptiness in front of everyone are well aware of that, and you have not yet returned from the absent maze of friendliness?
You know that the maze is not so complicated, you are the one who drew it for them, and yet they lost the way to you, do you think they tried at all? No, they didn't try. Ask the lost sailors what to do when they spot a faint point of light in the distance. You are as clear as the sun and the moon, only your lack of sympathy for them to endure nothing has canceled your emptiness that they used to see as their ally, so you left without turning and leaving them facing a meaningless fate? Then you want to return as if your place is still standing, no ... you and your emptiness are now being turned in Hell. Do not rely too much on the maturity of your letters and your updated absurdity, as you are not alone in writing deeply!
The issue is not about the fragmentation of the soul, the lack of company, nor the silence that reminds me of my raging loneliness in the middle of the night, but about myself, which seems to have fallen blindly into vortices of loneliness and forgetfulness, as both of them no longer affect me. I think that I will not return to this world in the old way that has been proven to fail, I return only through my simple letters, and this suffices me and also convinces me like the opinion of the late writer Ahmed Khaled Tawfiq (may God have mercy on him) about unity.
"Loneliness is dangerous and it can easily turn into an addiction. When you realize how much peace there is, then you will not want to deal with people again."