What a melancholy! May you see another friend whom you never find missing, that's is the bond of friendship, no matter how the situation maybe, you will always remember her

You are not an introvert because you are adopted. You are just looking for an excuse. I am an introvert too and more people are. Being an introvert is a character. Not socializing is part of being an introvert too and introverts are fine with it.

If it comes to being adopted. I am sorry to say this but your biological parents gave you away. I assume they had a very good reason for it. You do not have a bond with them it's just what you try to fool yours with. Perhaps it's better no longer to adopt children since you made clear you are not happy with that and your life would have been better if you stayed with your biological parents (for sure if you would still have been alive you would have blamed them or the rich society, the western world for not helping you, not being adopted. As a child, I thought I was adopted. My biological parents are cruel, my mother is abusive, a monster, and a psychopath. I wish she had dumped me somewhere or I was adopted by someone else. I was not. I live with the reality of what my real parents are, look like. No way I can make a dream about how great my real parents are and what a great person would have come out of me if I was only raised by this loving couple. The facts are most of us do not have loving, caring parents but parents who are busy making an income, who have worries daily, and are not in the mood to guide you, listen to your worries. The number of children with a problematic childhood is way higher than the number of those with a happy childhood.

The lost of Jane is something you need to learn to live with. I experienced something similar as you with the only difference I knew Luc was ill, seriously ill. During schoolbreaks the "pathetic" group of 4 or 5 went into town. We drank chocolate together, talked and Luc took his overdose of medication. He was a kind, attentive boy. Sent me cards to break or who knows make or enlighten my day. My father called him the professor in a humilating way. To me he was a friend and most likely the only one who knew how miserable I felt although I never told him about the amusement, the horror I escaped from. Lucasked me to be his girlfriend. I truly thought about it but couldn't and refused. Not long after Luc was dead. I think you can imagine how I felt and at times still feel. Would he still be alive or at least have lived longer if I had say "yes"? Did he die because of me, did I give him the last push? Perhaps with a " yes" he would have died happily even if it was a big lie.

I wrote his parents later and they didn't know anything about him asking me the only thing he had told him I was a true friend. I did gave him a reason why I could not be his friend and he accepted (or tried to) it.

The only thing I can say is there are facts, feelings,things in our life we dimply need to accept and live with. We can search for reasons, make them up, suffer on but it's pointless. There are plenty of people in this world like you, like me, like Jane and Luc and you know what? They all see and remember the same event in a different way. Let's make something out of our life, if possible the best and stay honest. If you can't do it, do not feel to it it's fine. It takes courage to reject to.

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