I was wrong...Autor V.B.
It was snowing that night and I don’t know if you were waiting for me,
but I should have come.
I couldn’t,
I was lost in my world, the world of flowers, happiness and love.
You left without saying goodbye ...
And my soul was happy because you were far away from me,
because I was free without you,
I could have the ones I wanted,
I could do whatever I wanted....
What now when everything is different,
when you came back and left me ...
Now that I love you, and you may love someone else,
I have no choice but to survive that eternal sorrow...
With dedication ....autor V.B.
Let the memory of me not poison any joy in your life,
but do not let the joys destroy you
and hang the memories.
Be happy, be loved
Keep me in a hidden corner of the heart
Retreat there in the days of sorrow
to find comfort and encouragement...
Separated..autor V.B.
We are far from each other,
we are separated by many days and nights,
but as in the distance, as in some fog,
I am always followed by your brown eyes.
We are separated, dear,
long and painful, I am here and you are there,
I would give believe me everything in the world,
if we were together for a moment at least.
I often go to our old place,
I think you're there too,
but you're not around.
Just a lot of strangers....
And for a long time, I sit alone and think,
I think where you are now and who you are with,
I cry I cry really,
I cry because you are not with me.
Solitude
The years go by and we go with them,
our trains run at high speeds ...
Loyalty is kept for years,
the truth grows hidden in its pain ...
And after all you feel some dullness,
some unbearable pain ...
**loneliness becomes a friend**
Autor:V.B.
My first panic attack
****I remember it like it was yesterday and it’s been 16 years since then.****
I was a young mother who was supposed to enjoy the benefits of motherhood ... finally, after two daughters we had a son. No one was happier than us. A summer, sunny morning made us go shopping with the kids.
We went to a big shopping center. The daughters clung to Dad, and I drove my son in a stroller. I was starting to feel kind of weak, but I thought it was from the heat.I told my husband that I would wait for them outside in the air and in the shade. My son slept peacefully.
I finally went outside and took shelter in the shade. But I was getting worse. I sat down, and the carousel in my head was just getting bigger and faster.I thought I was going to die and my son was alone. I called a man and asked him to go to the info desk and tell the saleswoman to call my husband. Time passed and he did not come. I asked the other person again to call my husband.
Oh God, what's happening to me? Please God I don't die, what will my children do without me. It seemed like an eternity when my husband finally came. He didn't understand at all what condition I was in, and it wasn't clear to me either.I don't remember how we got home. All I know is that I was sure I was dying.
My husband calls an ambulance, they come very quickly. They examine me in detail, examine me, measure my blood pressure, heart rate ... everything is fine, and I am still dying. They give me an injection and leave with instructions to see my doctor.
Hell is going on for me and my husband. My husband has to go to work, and I can't be left alone. As soon as he leaves, the carousel repeats itself in my head.The doctor thinks it's because of anemia because I've been anemic all my life. But that madness doesn't stop, I can't go anywhere alone anymore, I can't even stay alone with the children. The doctor quickly gave up looking for the cause of my condition and referred me to a psychiatrist.
What am I going to do with a psychiatrist ??? I'm not crazy, I refuse it. After a few months, I decide to visit a psychiatrist.He gives me some pills and tells me to come again after a month.It's been almost a year since my first panic attack. The situation was a little better, but not nearly as good as it used to be.
We are moving to another city, I changed the doctor. She invested all her knowledge to understand the cause of my condition. When she no longer knew what to do, she referred me to the hospital. It took two weeks, but it paid off. They finally found the cause.
Thyroid ..... that little tiny butterfly-shaped gland I didn't know much about.
I went to a specialist who dealt with thyroid disease. After a month of taking the pills, the condition began to improve. I had hyperthyroidism, from which I recovered. But the panic attacks remained. Over time, they decreased and are not so strong, sometimes I don't have them for months.
I fight with all my might, only sometimes it's impossible to resist that carousel. It overwhelms me all over, but now I know I'm not going to die.
A message to all women but also to men even though they are in the minority ... don't give up until you find the cause, fight because life is only one.
I am a poet
I've been writing songs for years. Ever since elementary school. They're all love songs. I think here's an opportunity to finally publish them.
I want to share them with you my dear readers. In the coming days my goal is to publish them as much as possible, because I really have a lot of them. I do not want them to disappear with me. I hope for your support.
My first payout
I installed one app 2 months ago. And I think like everyone else and this is a scam. I didn't have a stake so I used a free miner.
When I have collected enough to be able to invest, I invest in BTC / USDT. I finally made money !! But I still think it's a scam.
Ok, I'm going to try to pay off.
I enter my wallet number and send it. I go to sleep a little. When I woke up, my wallet cost no less than 90 euros.
https://app.stormgain.com/friend/BNS16490819
The infinity of maternal love....2
I’ve been sitting in the hospital hallway waiting impatiently for that old doctor from yesterday who instilled confidence in me.
Finally, an old doctor comes and introduces me to his office. In a calm voice, he tells me that everything will be fine. He explains to me my daughter's condition and that some more tests will be needed to determine the disease he is almost certain is my daughter has.
I ask him what disease it is and whether it is curable.
Celiac disease ... This is the first time I hear about this disease, what is it?
He tells me how dangerous this disease is if left untreated. And the main cure for this disease is FOOD. Your daughter will not be allowed to eat any flour. I immediately think of bread. Bread is strictly forbidden - he tells me and I look in wonder.
I ask him a hundred questions which he patiently answers. After the first shock, I calmed down. He referred me to the association for celiac patients.
I finally go to my daughter, hug her and cry. Day after day they passed and Zana felt better. I came to her hospital every day even though I had an hour by train.
Those nurses loved my little one so much, they took her with them all the time, she laughed again as before, she even started walking. I was overjoyed and grateful to those nurses and especially to the old doctor to whom I owe my daughter's life.
The day of her discharge from the hospital came. In the meantime, I was educating myself about a gluten-free diet and I thought I was ready. It took a long time until I learned to bake plain bread. I adapted the whole kitchen to her diet.
We went through a lot of trouble raising her because it is not easy to resist cakes, pastries and many other forbidden things.
But it all paid off, my daughter grew into a beautiful young woman, full of life, love and compassion for others.She is now 22 years old and cooks gluten-free food for herself and her loved one.
Life is one and she enjoys it to the fullest. I am happy and calm that God has given me my daughter.
The infinity of maternal love....1
I have a daughter, her name is Zana. I gave birth to her at the age of 25. She was a small, sweet miracle for me. Cheerful, small, always smiling, she awakened in me motherly feelings that I didn't know about until then. A month before her first birthday, she started is to vomit whatever she would eat. In addition, diarrhea appeared. I kept her on a diet for a few days but nothing helped. She stayed in the hospital.
Day after day passed and various diagnoses came and went.And my little one was obviously decaying, losing weight, she wasn't laughing anymore, she couldn't get on her little legs.
It's been almost a month since she stayed in the hospital. I come and see that she's not in the room she was in until then.The doctor tells me that they moved her to another room where she will be safer because her immunity is weak so she could be infected by other children.
I go to that other room and next to my Zana in the crib I see the baby and her mother crying. That child is seriously ill, her mother explains the situation to me. It is only a matter of time before her little angel leaves her.
Thoughts are swarming in my head. Is my little girl so very sick, what if something happens to her ?? I go to the doctor again and ask them to tell me what's going on. It's been a long time and I want to take her to the capital to the hospital.However, they are more professional and have greater opportunities.
The doctor is very offended and tells me so cruelly: If that is already the case, your daughter will have to go to the capital to the hospital at some point because she is seriously ill!I will never forget that moment, and her cruel words behind which stands the hurt ego of a doctor. I leave crying to my husband who is at work. He tells me that she certainly did not think so and that I am confused.
My husband comes with me to the hospital to the same offended doctor.
When he realized that all this was true, he asked for an immediate discharge from the hospital.The doctor refused to release my daughter from the hospital because she was in poor condition. But the husband made a mess, saying that he would kill them all if something happened to our daughter. We take our daughter and drive her to the capital to the hospital.
When we brought her to the hospital, we were received by an old doctor. He was shocked by her condition and asked me: Mother, what have you been waiting for so far? Your daughter has started to dry up.
only bone and skin left?
I cried and said I believed the doctors knew best. He encouraged me and told me to go home calmly now and come back tomorrow. I left her with a heavy heart. I couldn't wait for the morning to go to the hospital and see my little one.
About living with a person who has Alzheimer...Part 6
My mother's nurse calls us. My mother and she are in the hospital waiting for an examination because the mother has not urinated for two days. We immediately go to the mother. We enter a room with a dozen patients, a small room in the hospital's internal ward where the worst, dying patients end up. .
Everything becomes clear to us. The mother is in critical condition. We enter that room and see our only one. She is not aware of anything, she is breathing hard, she is not saying anything, she is lying helpless and we are crying.
She was transferred to the ward, she is in the room with another woman. They connected various devices and infusions to her.
Finally the doctor appears and tells us that the mother has sepsis-blood poisoning and that it is only a matter of time. We know that the time has come to say goodbye to our only mother .... She is breathing very hard, wheezing, her throat is full of slime. I go to the doctor and beg her to make her breathing easier.
The nurse comes and clears her throat. At last she breathes easier. Mother feels us, every touch drives tears from her eyes. Oh, how are we going to survive her departure, God, how ??
The third day has passed, the mother is still in a worse condition.She adored my husband. I tell her that he is there and that he is taking care of her, she had a lot of trust in him.
At the mention of my husband, suddenly my mother reacts strongly, she cries, she wants to say something but she can't.
That evening we say goodbye to her and tell her that she is waiting for us, that we will come again soon.
01/15/2020
Seven-twenty minutes in the morning, my cell phone rings. I'm already shaking slowly because I know ... A woman's voice answers and asks me if I'm the daughter of SG. I answer that I am and I know what she will tell me.The nurse tells me: Unfortunately your mother passed away this morning at 5 o'clock. I want to express my condolences to you. When can you come to the hospital?
My sisters and I will be here as soon as possible.
I'm crying, I stuck my head in the pillow so that the children wouldn't hear me. My son was very connected to my mother, how can I tell him?The day before, my sister bought our mother a beautiful red dress. She loved red dresses. We did all the necessary things around the funeral. I don't even know how we had the strength at all.
But all three of us were in shock, even though we were expecting our mother’s death.The day before the funeral. The younger sister wants to see her mother, the older one can't stand it, and unfortunately neither can I. I decided not to see my mother and now I regret it. I supported my mother when my father passed away and we went to see him together. last time. I know what I went through then and I can't go through the same thing again. Mother forgive me, I can't see you for the last time. Forgive me mother for being so weak, you know that you were more than my mother.
You were my best friend, we had a special relationship.
My son couldn't come to the funeral, he didn't have the strength, he was only 16. It was all like a dream. All those people in black,sadness, tears ... Even though 10 months have passed since my dear mother is gone, every day comes to my mind, every night before I fall asleep the tears run down my cheeks. I don't know when that pain will pass. I don't think it will ever pass.
Therefore, my dear ones, take care and love your parents while they are alive, and when they are sick, take care of them.
Give them as much love and patience as possible, because they will leave you quickly
About living with a person who has Alzheimer...Part 5
The sleepless night is behind us ... we have an hour's drive to the hospital, to our mother. We are scared, we don't know what awaits us when we see her. Will she recognize us, is she okay, a hundred questions are running through heads.
We finally enter a large room with 6 beds. I look at those poor disfigured faces, the faces of women who are someone's mothers, grandmothers, sisters, faces who look at you and call you by some names thinking that you are someone of theirs.
We also see our mother, she has her back turned but we hear her talking ... with someone who knows who, only she knows that. When she saw us she started crying saying that she was beaten and pulled her hair. We don't see any traces, we ask with the doctor about it, but the doctor tells us that this is the disease and that these are hallucinations.
Mother's lips are dry, we give her water, we feed her because we are afraid that she did not want to eat. If we had known everything we know now, we would have taken her home immediately.
We patiently went to her every day, fed her, applied creams to her body, and then after a few days we realized that it wasn't so great in that hospital. Those nurses didn't really take care of those poor women. If they didn't want to if they shouted or were louder they would get a pill that would make their tongue numb. We insisted that our mother be discharged from the hospital.
The last day before discharge from the hospital, we noticed something on her mother's buttocks. Although she had diapers, something made us look at the condition because she was still lying on her back all the time. We were shocked. Wounds from lying ?? It can't be worse ... We reacted immediately and went to her doctor to explain what was happening.
The doctor, like us, was surprised when she saw those wounds. We insisted that we drive her home. The doctor said that she needed to have a blood test first and then she would be discharged.
Two days after that, the ambulance finally brings our mother to the nursing home where the mother had been until then.
The new year is approaching and the first new year that our mother will not welcome with us. She has become immobile, she almost doesn't recognize us, she refuses food, she constantly calls her dead mother, father, brother, sister ....
And the wound has spread and is getting bigger. The nurses take very good care of her but unfortunately that is not enough.
To be continued......
About living with a person who has Alzheimer...Part 4
We go to the hospital to see what the psychiatrist will say. We just want her to adjust the therapy so that the mother is calmer at night. My sister and I are here with our dear mother.She is already a bit immobile in the wheelchair. We are talking to a psychiatrist who is a very gentle and kind person. The mother suddenly starts crying a lot and calling on her mother.
The psychiatrist examines her gently to see what the problem is. But the mother does not stop crying and shouting, calling her mother. The situation is getting worse and worse. The doctor tells us that he cannot let her go home with us, because the condition is very serious. we decide to leave her in the hospital but we have no choice.The mother does not calm down.
We take the mother to the department for people with dementia. We leave her alone, scared, crying ... We have no other choice ... it's all for her good, she will be better, we will take her again after a few days ... My sister and i leave crying eagerly waiting for tomorrow to see our mother
To be continued....
About living with a person who has Alzheimer...Part 3
My mother was my soul, my best friend to whom I told all my secrets. When we left her in a nursing home, I thought I would calm down. But I had panic attacks every day. We visited her every day and she would ask us where we have been for so long. At first everything was somewhat good, but when she started drinking therapy for this terrible disease she started to lose weight and lose weight. At night she worked problems, often got up, urinated everywhere, so they put diapers on her.
We brought her to us every weekend. She cried and said that a nurse had beaten her. When we told her to show us which one, she refused. We looked at the camera footage but found nothing and no traces were seen on it. We realized that was how she was trying to get back to us.
One night she fell and twisted her arm a little. They wrapped her arm but she kept taking off the bandage. We moved her to another home for the elderly. It was nice there, they sang and she had a famous person next to her, our neighbor.
But the nights were getting worse. The owner of a nursing home sent us pictures of our mother in extremely bad condition at night. She shouted, cursed, woke up all the other patients. We took her to a psychiatrist again and she suggested we take her to the hospital to adjust her therapy.
We were looking for the best hospital and on recommendation we placed it in one. Now I know that was our biggest mistake.
To be continued...
A quick treat
Prepare the dough as for pancakes only a little thicker.
Peel the apples and cut them into rolls.
Sugar them and sprinkle with a little cinnamon. Heat the oil. Dip the prepared apples into the pancake mixture and fry in oil until golden brown.
Sprinkle with powdered sugar and enjoy eating them.
About living with a person who has Alzheimer...Part 2
After the hernia operation, my mother stayed with me.
Every day she would ask us to take her home.
We told her that it was winter now and that she would go home when she recovered.
She constantly flushed the toilet because she forgot she had already done so.
When spring came we told her again all sorts of reasons to stay with me.
We took her to the doctor and the prognosis was not great.
But we knew that.
Every day she was more and more forgetful.Sometimes she cursed, sometimes she was happy.
The worst were the nights.She often got up and went to the bathroom, brushed her teeth thinking it was morning,left water to leak from the tap ...
She had one of her purses that she hid in the room.
Over time, she could see less and less. We were afraid she would fall down the stairs.
We put up a protective fence. If I was left alone with her, she would quarrel a lot with me.
She went to my sisters on the weekends.
Her behavior was getting worse. I was struggling with panic attacks along the way and I was starting to feel worse.
After two years of battling her illness, heavy-hearted we decided to send her to a nursing home.
We thought we were going to feel better and calmer but we just instilled a sense of guilt because we couldn’t take care of her.
To be continued ...
Blue moon
The sky on the night between October 31 and November 1 will be illuminated by the so-called "blue moon", ie the second full moon in a period of 30 days.
This is the first case since March 2018, but also the first full moon to appear on October 31 in all time zones since 1944.
The phenomenon of the Blue Moon does not necessarily mean that the moon is blue and it is a rare occurrence.
The term "blue moon" itself appeared in England in the 16th century, and probably earlier, in the form of Belewe Moon, which means "traitor" (in modern language: betrayer), because such an additional full moon at some time confused farmers. Over time, "belewe" became "blue". This, therefore, has nothing to do with blue or the optical phenomenon in which the Moon appears bluish due to the large amount of suspended particles in the atmosphere, which selectively remove visible light of longer wavelength.
What is panic attack?
A panic attack is a sudden onset of an inconspicuous, brief period of marked discomfort or fear, accompanied by somatic or cognitive symptoms. Panic disorder is the occurrence of recurrent panic attacks, typically accompanied by fear of future attacks or behavioral changes that can avoid situations that create susceptibility to attacks. The diagnosis is made clinically. Isolated panic attacks do not have to be treated. Panic disorder is treated with pharmacotherapy, psychotherapy (eg exposure, cognitive-behavioral treatment) or both.
Panic attacks are frequent and affect as many as 10% of the population in one year. Most people recover without treatment; some get panic disorder. Panic disorder is rare, affecting 2-3% of the population over a 12-month period. It usually begins in late adolescence or young adulthood and affects women 2 to 3 times more often than men.
A panic attack involves the sudden onset of at least 4 of the 13 symptoms listed in TBL. 196– 2. Symptoms usually peak in 10 minutes and disappear a few minutes later, leaving very little to see. Although unpleasant — and sometimes severe — panic attacks are not dangerous to health.
SYMPTOMS OF A PANIC ATTACK
Cognitive
Fear of death
Fear of madness or loss of control
Feelings of unreality, strangeness or alienation from the environment
Somatic
Chest pain or pressure
Dizziness, unstable feelings or fainting
Feeling of suffocation
Waves of heat or cold
Nausea or abdominal discomfort
Feeling numb or tingling
Palpitations or rapid heartbeat
Feeling short of breath or choking
Sweating
Shivering or shivering
About living with a person who has Alzheimer...Part 1
I experienced the death of my father.She was sudden, he was in a coma for 3 days and then he left us. The mother was left alone in a small house where she raised our three daughters
We often visited her almost every day. We didn't notice anything strange, she behaved well.
After a few years of solitude, we noticed that her coffee cups were not very well washed or that she was cooking the same dish.
She told us that she likes to eat that food.
She didn’t want to leave her home and live with one of us
It was winter. She couldn't light a fire anymore and it was really cold in our home
We found out she had a hernia and needed surgery.
Somehow we persuaded her to come to my home until she recovered from the surgery.
Then the fight began ... the windmill fight
To be continue.....
My little one
This is my little heart.
Her name is Bella.
In croatian language bella means white.
I love animals very much, but cats the most.
They are very cute and playful.
Hy I am Violeta from Croatia
I love music, a quiet life with my family and i adore cats.
@viggy40
