The Uncertainties of Life
Uncertain. That word, can make us afraid. Things does scare us if we do not have assurance about it. At times, we do not try doing new things because we think that we cannot do it. Some people call themselves an idiot. I despite those people, not because they are actually dumb but because they think that they are dumb.
Several people who came from a poor family do not usually dreams big. When they saw their parents, who are working and got an unfinished study, they decided just to follow their parent’s footsteps. They believed that they will be fine even though they will not go to school and just get a job at an early age. On the other hand, there are people who opposed this kind of thinking. That situation serves as their motivation. They will go to school and study hard as their goal is to get their family a good life. But do you ever wonder why there are people who came from a poor family became richer although they did not go to that stage of certificates rather than those people who studied hard and achieved their desired job? Ironic isn’t?
Experiences, knowledge, thoughts, ideas and emotion can be our sword. There are experiences that you cannot get just because you explore the whole world, there are knowledge that you cannot achieve in the school, there are thoughts that cannot be answered if you just keep thinking about it, there are ideas that you cannot attain for a reason that you just want it and there is an emotion that can be hidden inside.
A stable man wants to retire because he wants to have a time for himself, he wants to travel the world. He was a workaholic man. Most of the time, he was just at their office finishing all that paper works. So, he first came to Paris, tried their French breads and shopped a lot of branded clothes. His next stop is in Finland where he watched the Northern Lights. Then, he goes to Japan and buy all the manga series of One Piece and its miniature figures collection. And his last stop was in Buckingham Palace of England. He met new people, he enjoyed their company, and he bought gifts for himself. He decided to go home. But then, his phone rang, his brother said that their mother passed away. At that spot, he gets his knees to the ground and put his hands on his face and then he cried, he said to himself, “Why did I not think to bought a gift for my mother?”. Sometimes, there are amazing experiences that we can missed because of our eagerness.
“An educated person can be found everywhere”. How can you define a person who is educated? Are those people who finished their studies is the basis of it? An employed man? Or a man who has wealth?
A child got bullied because of his rotten-shoes. The bully started to punched him and the friends of the bully started to joined to punched the helpless kid endlessly. The guidance office called those who were involved into the fight. They got scolded by the counselor and said to bring their parents on the next day. And so, they did. Their family were not that rich but they are happy and contented with their life because it is full of love and understanding. Otherwise, the family of the bully have a prosperous life but they do not give that much attention to their child. The counselor have them seated then started to talk about what their kids did, the counselor explained and said that the bully will get suspended in their school for one week because of what the child did.
All of a sudden, the mother of the bully gets up to her seat forcefully and begin to shout. “What?! Why my child will get suspended and his child is not?”, she pointed out to the father of the child who got bullied by his son.
“As you can see ma’am, your son started the fight and we are not tolerating those children to bully someone”, the counselor said.
“I am rich, I can pay all of you and can even buy this trash school!!!”, she boastfully said. And continued, “Here is the money, take it!”, the mother threw the money to the face of the father who got bullied.
The poor child got angry because of what the woman did to his father but his father remained silent and not doing anything.
“My child will not bully your child if you can just buy him a decent clothes and shoes, how uneducated you are, I suppose you did not even have a chance to graduate in elementary”, the mother mockingly said.
His father remained silent again. The child cannot take the scene anymore so he blurted, “Stop! Stop that! Even though my father cannot buy me those decent clothes and shoes that you are talking about ma’am, even though he did not complete his studies in elementary, he is an educated man. He has more manners rather than you. So please respect my father”. The woman opened her mouth and want to utter something but she cannot compose even a word.
“A man has an unending thought, finding an answer but do not bother to do something about it”. A man who were running endlessly but cannot see where is the end of the road. He kept on running and not noticing all those obstacles. He just passing all of it because he is eager to find where is the end.
The man made a sin. And his family advised him to change. But he did not try because his mind says that he is a sinner and will die to be a sinner. He holds back himself and chose not to move forward. He questioned himself, “Why am I like this? What is my purpose? Why am I even existing?”. But he gets himself into that cage of thoughts. He does not have handcuffs into his hands. He has the keys to open the cage. “But what if I will free myself into this cage? Will I be able to do the things like a normal person does? Will I be able to change myself?”. But he chose not to free himself.
We have various ideas as our brain function. There is a teenage girl, a marketing student, she has a lot of ideas. She wanted to build a café to start her business. She got a capital to established one, afterwards she did it. At first, the café goes well but a week after, her business loses many customers. She asked herself, what is the problem. She thinks about it of what she did before establishing her own café. Surprisingly, the only thing that runs through her mind is her desire to build the café. She forgot to do a business plan first and project a marketing strategy. Sometimes we just do what we want but we missed the preparation and never plan what can happen next.
“An introvert man can have emotions too”. Have you ever thought of someone who has no emotions? That you never saw her cry or smile even once?
My sister was once an introvert. I never seen her cry and smile when she interacts with people. Maybe she was shy, that was what I thought. We often fought, no, let me rephrase that, I always initiate a fight with her but she never fought back. I am so young that time. I once rebel in our family as conflict occurs. To the point that, I want to end my life because I cannot take it anymore. My sister saw me crying at my room and she move her feet towards my direction. I got shocked when she consoles me as she patted my back. “It is fine, everything will be fine”, she said. I looked into her eyes but I did not see any emotions into it. After that, I always follow her around. My little self was always bugging her to play with me unlike before. But she always pushed me at the corner because she said that I am irritating her. I loved the thought. I loved the thought of irritating her. At least, I confirmed that she has emotion too. And so, I did not stop. One afternoon, I do not have someone to play with so I go to her room but I saw her reading a book. I was in between of thoughts if I will annoy her or just let her to read that book peacefully. I decided just to watch her. But … I never expected that I will saw her cry. For the first time, I saw how she cries. I walked to her and asked, “Why are you crying?”, curiosity and worry were evident in my eyes. “Well, the story made me cried”, she said. “That was, it? You do not have a problem or whatsoever that made you cried like that?”, I continuously asked. “What? No, no, I will not cry just because of that. I am immune to it”.
Memory, motivation, thinking and reflection. Our memory can help us to remember our past. It can be our success, failure and challenges. We can learn from those but never forget that we sometimes need to look back. Motivation can make us alive. It is the driving force that push us to move forward and not to give up. And it is better if we have determination on what we had started. Thinking a lot of thoughts can be useful to us to find answers. At times, we may not find those answers that we are looking for but through our journey there are learnings that you cannot find just because you are looking for answers. Reflection. This is exceptionally important because we need to see ourselves in the mirror what we had become. We can reflect to those bad and good things that we did. We need to accept and admit to ourselves if we did something wrong. And then, we can choose if we will change those or not.
“Learnings can be learned anywhere”.
Credits for the lead image:
https://unsplash.com/photos/8n00CqwnqO8
Benefits can change a person
“Sweet, you did a good job in your exams. As promised, we bought a lot of clothes for you as your reward”, “I’ll give an additional grade for those who will pass their activity early”, “If you will clean your room, we will allow you to hang out with your friends”.
Honestly, at the age of 19, I still love to do the things that will benefit me. When I want to hang out with my friends, I will wash the dishes, clean the house and any help that I can do to my parents so that I will get their permission. Or sometimes, when I want to increase my allowance, I am reviewing the whole night to get a high grade on our quizzes and at dinner I will tell them that I got the highest score and some boastful stuffs just to get what I want. And I even make such cute voices (but I really do not know if it is cute, kidding aside) and some clingy acts to make my sister tutor me in mathematics, however in return she will make me do her duty in our household chores and unfortunately, it is the laundry. Moreover, the most exciting part is, I can get paid whenever my classmates want me to do their research or homework, it is alright for me as long as I have the money. Frankly, this is my inner side and all of us were like this is it not?
The people around us gives us some benefits to change our behavior or to encourage us to behave in the same way in a similar situation. We were easily to be tempt especially when we like or want something. Because we like the prize that we will get, it reinforces us to somehow behave the way they want us to behave and so we change.
But what if we do not get a benefit out of it? What we will do? What if your parents said, “Honey, I know that we promised to buy clothes for you when you get the high grade but we lack financially for now, so please understand”? At first, we will understand the situation and we still do study hard to get a high grade again but when your parents broke their promise for one last time, we started to get tired, we will lose our motivation and so we will not study like the way before. Our behavior always does change depending on the situation. People can learn not to do things as well as to do things.
Ivan Pavlov, a Russian physiologist, proposed the classical conditioning or stimulus substitution. He experimented the response of a dog with the meat and bell. And the dog salivated in response to a bell tone. Pavlov showed that when a bell was sounded each time the dog was fed, the dog learned to associate the sound with the presentation of the food. In simple terms, two stimuli are linked together to produce a new learned response in a person or animal (McLeod, 2018).
And so, I realized that this is the reason why washing the dishes were now belong into my daily routine, why studying seriously became normal for me or why my body suddenly got awake when I heard my alarm clock. At first, we are doing these things because of our interest but while we are repeating doing these things, it became just our normal acts until we do not care about the benefit that we will get in return.
John Watson famously said, "Give me a dozen healthy infants, well-formed, and my own specified world to bring them up in and I'll guarantee to take any one at random and train him to become any type of specialist I might select - doctor, lawyer, artist, merchant-chief and, yes, even beggar-man and thief, regardless of his talents, penchants, tendencies, abilities, vocations and the race of his ancestors”.
He believes that we can be trained to learn things as we response to it and because of our different experiences it affects how we behave on certain things. Do you ever encounter a kid that his parents were dictating him what he will become in the future? Well, I did, his parents said that they want him to be a lawyer and then he became a lawyer. He is actually my grandfather. I asked him once when I am in the middle of uncertainty of what course will I choose because my father also told me when I was a young kid to be a Lawyer, “Gramps, why did you end up to be a lawyer?”.
He looked at me for how many minutes and I wonder if he did not hear what I said or what but then he answered, “My parents wanted me to be a lawyer and so I did”. “But why? Is that what you want?”, I blurted, out of curiosity. “Well, I only remembered that when I was little, they said that they want me to be a lawyer and I really do not have any course that I want to take that time and besides that is what they planted on my mind maybe that is the reason why I cannot think of any course that I really want. But later on, it became my passion too. Law has always a place in my heart even though I am now retired”.
I comprehend that we can learn all the things if we want to. We can be controlled by someone if we want to. And we can trained ourselves the way they want us if we want to.
The proponent of Connectionism theory, Edward Thorndike presented The Law of Learning which involves three parts; the Law of Effect, Law of Exercise, and Law of Readiness.
First, the Law of Effect, it is the emotional reaction of the learner. When we received a positive outcome, there is a tendency that we will repeat what we did again. Way back when I was twelve-year old, I loved to play games on my phone but I am scared with thunder.
Second, the Law of Exercise, this encourage us repetition to acquire skills as old saying says, “Practice makes perfect”. There is one time that a thunderstorm comes but I want to get onto my next level with the game so I continued to play but then the thunder striked at our tree in the backyard of our house so I got scared.
Lastly, the Law of Readiness, it defines the physical, mental and emotional state of the learner and cold room is equal to negative learning experience, which means that when we come up against such negative learning experience it affects our physical, mental and emotional state. And so, whenever there is a thunderstorm, I never held my phone and just turn it off because I learned that my phone attracts the thunder.
We can get a traumatic experience and it changes our behavior. On how we act if we will face that situation again and sometimes it holds our two arms in the back.
Burrhus Fredeick Skinner advocate the Operant Conditioning, it involves a Positive Reinforcement, adding good stuff to increase a behavior just like when we want to have a new laptop from our parents we will turn into a saint, just kidding, we will do what they want us to do like buy some groceries, cook their favorite food or massage them at night.
Next, the Negative Reinforcement, it means delaying bad stuff to increase a behavior. For example, in order my parents to stop being stress at me for hanging out with my friends, I will just tell to my friends to hang out next time.
And then, the Positive Punishment or adding bad stuff to decrease a behavior, in particular, when someone hurt us, we will leave that someone because it hurt us once.
Lastly, the Negative Punishment which means delaying bad stuff to increase a behavior just like our parents will ground us if we got into fight again.
Our behavior defines of who we are and what we are. Sometimes there is a change that is good to us and there is a change that is not. We can adapt and adjust on our environment but it is us who chose whether we move forward or backward. We may have experiences that can get us fall into that deep hole but sometimes those experiences, mistakes and challenges can be our rope to get out of that hole, we may come across to that failure again but this time we will know what we will do and we never noticed that we are getting used to it until we became invulnerable.
Credits for the lead image:
https://unsplash.com/photos/SUbwy-aJumM
The goat with one horn (short story)
Darkness. That’s what all I can see. I can’t see my shadow that can be able to help me to find my way out. I run, I walk, until I get tired and just crawl. But I fall and got stuck with this long tunnel that seems to be endless.
Why am I here again? Why did I end up in this gloomy tunnel?
When I was born, I cannot open my eyes like a normal child. At first, they thought that I have an apraxia or abnormalities at eyelid function. But when I turned eighteen, I saw the world outside. And I wish that I just have that illness to not be able to open my eyes.
The evening comes, I was walking on the street and I saw an old man sleeping at the corner of an old establishment. He was sleeping with no blanket around him. My feet move towards his direction.
“Mister, mister, wake up…”, I gently shake his shoulders trying to wake him up.
He wakes up. When he opens his eyes, I got startled a little. He cannot see the light. He cannot see what I am seeing. He is blind.
He reached for my face, I let him touch me so that he can recognize my physical features.
“Child, what can I do for you?”, he asked
“Here, mister, I just want to give you this”, I gave my money in my pocket.
“Thank you, young one. But I cannot accept that”, and then he gave it back. I am asking him why but he just ignore me and sleep again in the corner.
As he rejected my offer, I decided not to persuade him anymore. As I turned my back, I held my chest as I saw my father leaning against the wall. Probably watching what I am doing.
“Father, why are you here?”
“Why did you offer him what we earned?”, he questioned me hinting a threat on his voice.
“I want to help him, father”, the fear on my voice is visible
“You have no right to help” …
And that sentence kept repeating on my head.
My father called me outside in our small house. I run to go to him. But I stopped on my track as I realized what they will do to me.
“Come here”, my older brother said
I did not move. They have no choice so they force me. I am aware of what they are doing. And what fears me most is that I will become one of them.
“Here’s what you’re going to do”, my father instruct me of how I will get the pocket of our target. Yes, our family are thieves. They are doing it for a long time. My father does not have a job as well as my mother. And my siblings do not want to go to school and just want to learn how to steal someone else’s money.
Even if I do not want to follow them. I was obliged to. As years had passed, I mastered all the tactics. They considered me as their asset on pickpocketing. I did not notice that money makes me happy. I can buy what I want to buy. I can eat what I want to eat. I can do all I want with money. Money is my everything.
And then, I did not expect that this day will come…
“Brandon, go! Kill him!”, my second brother shouted at me
I am holding a gun. The mission gone wrong as this man witnessed that we are the one who stole the jewelries of that mansion. I am torn. I am torn of what will I choose. Am I going to kill this man to save our lives? Or am I going to let him go but not sure if he will report us to the police?
Not thinking about my conscience, I pulled the trigger which made a loud sound. Before it’s too late, we ran to escape.
After that incident, I cannot sleep during at night nor eat a proper meal. I’m having a nightmare. My right hand is always shaking. I killed him. I killed that man.
“Father, I cannot do this anymore”, I talked to my dad about my situation
“Brandon, you killed someone, yes, but that is just the right thing to do isn’t?”, my dad boldly said that
“What? I killed someone. I took someone else’s life, what’s right about that?”
“You just chose to save all our lives, son, and it was right. Do you want us to be dead?”
“No, of course not”
“So just continue what we do and everything will be alright”, my dad tapped my shoulder
And then, I questioned myself again. Is it right? I mean, I save all our lives.
Thus, I chose to continue what we usually do because my mind said that I just did the right thing.
Before evening comes, I saw the old man again. There are children who are throwing rocks at him and saying some foul words. I made my way to stop them. And as soon as I glared at them, they run away.
“Mister, are you alright?”, I helped him to sit as I’m inspecting all the bruises he got.
“It is you again. How are you?”, he asked me
He was the first one to ask me that. My tears suddenly flow to my eyes.
“I did a lot of bad things. I stole money to people. I killed someone. And I’m always telling lies to myself that what I did is right”, it was a heavy feeling
“It is right if you are thinking that it is right. But did you ask yourself if what you did is good?”, he patted my head like I am his own child.
I did not go home. And I promise to myself that I will never go home again…
I saw a tunnel. Is this the right way? I walkthrough to that tunnel as I am thinking about what have I done. I am blaming myself over and over again. I did a lot of sins. Why?
It was so dark but I still continue to move forward. I saw a goat, not an ordinary one. Its head has only one horn. It made a weird sound and it seems like it is crying in pain. I walked closer and closer, there are snakes surrounding the goat. The goat tried to push the snakes away with his head and feet but the snakes did not let him to escape.
The goat looked at my way. Its eyes… Its eyes were asking for help…What will I do? I asked myself again but this time with no hesitance I chose the good thing. I get rid of all the snakes by throwing them away. After discarding all the snakes, I looked to the eyes of the goat… its orbs looked like mine. When I will go to its direction, it suddenly vanished.
As the goat disappeared, my eyes got blurred with a sudden light. I opened my eyes and I perceived a silhouette of an old man.
“Child, come to me, I will guide you to the right path”
**Author's note:** This is just a **fiction**.
Credits for the lead image:
https://unsplash.com/photos/RXWgx93tz8w
A Mother's Cry (short story)
I was a Daddy’s girl. We’re always playing after my classes in Kindergarten. He was even combing my black hair. He was cutting my food in a small size so that I can eat it with my small mouth. He brushes my teeth after getting to sleep. And then, he will read some bedroom stories so that I can sleep peacefully at night.
Back then, we were once a happy family. We loved bonding with each other, picnics, hide and seek, running on the playground and what I really loved was when my dad threw my little body through the air like I was a superhero.
But our joyful laughter turned into a catastrophe…
In the middle of the night, I heard those restraining sobs. I walked out to my room and follow those hurtful sounds. I saw her, my mom. She was crying endlessly. And it breaks me. If it’s just possible to passed the pain on someone, I would gladly take all her pain. I wonder why did our family ended up like this…
After that night, when I was at my 10 years of existence, I learned that my dad cheated on my mom. He has another woman in his life and they have a child. My mom was punching my dad in his chest but her wrist was so weak, she was breaking down and my two eldest sisters were hugging her. I am just at the corner with my younger brother and sister, not processing what was happening. But my parents did not break up and I wonder why. He was still living at our house that time. And my mom got depressed after that incident.
My mother is a hardworking woman. She was a full-time mom. She did all of our dishes, the laundry, cleaning the house, cooking, everything. She did everything. She did everything for us, for our family. And I was so mad that my dad cheated on her. She deserves more. She deserves to be love.
As me and my siblings grew older, our father were pressuring us to get a high grade and be the top on our class. At first, I don’t like the idea. I mean, I want to study on my own accord and not thinking about my grades on my every subject. When I was in middle school, there was the time that I cried so hard because I did not get the perfect score on our quiz. I was thinking what number in the questionnaire that I did get the wrong answer. It was my first failure. In that moment, I don’t want to go home because I know that my dad will just scold me.
I called my best friend to pick me up at the street where I was waiting. When we’re inside her bedroom she suddenly hugs me but did not say anything, it was comforting. I’m so fortunate to have her by my side. I slept on her house that night.
When I got home, as expected, my dad shouted at me continuously. And it was tiring. He was like that too to my siblings. Every time he will do that, our mother will just cry while consoling us. My siblings and I were just like robots who were greedy to be perfect at everything. It was like we do not have lives. A normal life.
However, instead of getting angry, I locked myself in my bedroom. I did not cry but I get my books on my study table and study again. I don’t have a social life, it’s just me and my best friend because I don’t have time for that. My daily routine was, eat, sleep and study.
After two years, I graduated as the first rank. Most of the students were congratulating me and I will just smile to them to expressed my gratitude. But I am not happy. My dad did congratulate me and even said how proud he was. And I looked at the corner where my mom was and again, I saw her cry. I walked towards her direction and gave her a tight hug. When I pull myself from the hug, I smiled and this time it was a genuine one.
One day, my dad called all of us in the dining room. He said that his wallet lost an amount of two thousand. So, he asked everyone of us and his eyes… his eyes were menacingly looking at us. I felt my heart throbbed. Sadness filled my heart. I’m asking myself why my dad needs to accused us? What happened to him?
I am here at our house, helping our mother with the household chores. I looked outside the door where she does the laundry, even if I am three meters away from her, I saw her palm with new bruises and callouses. It was an agonizing sight.
I knocked to my second sister’s room…
“Hey, Charm”, I greeted her in a careful manner
“Hey, sis, ‘zup? Something’s up?”, she asked to light up the awkward atmosphere
Since, our dad was controlling us, we lose our time to communicate with each other as we were just in our different rooms and studying.
“Well, I just want someone to talk to, I’m kinda bored… No, let me rephrase that, I’m kinda tired. I’m tired… with all of this”, I said emotionally
“You know what, all of us in this hell house were feeling like that”, she responded
“Yeah, I know”
“It is hard, I know, but we need to overcome this problem. God is within us, He will never neglect us if you trust Him”, she smiled sincerely at me like comforting me
Three years had passed and I am now in college. I continue to study hard to be at the top. But now, I do not feel any pressure because it became my routine. It became my life. Step by step I am learning how to communicate to other people. And my circle of friends grew bigger. I am at glee. It was like I felt the freedom that I had not felt in my eighteen years. As I get matured, I now have my own decisions in life. And you know what surprised me? My dad did not interfere in any of my decisions. I have no clue why.
Today, we had a quiz on our Microbiology subject. I did not review for the first time. I don’t know what had gotten into me but I don’t want to review. The questionnaires were given to us, and as I see the questions, I know all of the answers but I did not choose the right ones. At the end of the quiz, I come out of our class with a wide smile on my face.
My graduation was so near and my professors said that I will graduate as a Magna Cum Laude. My friends said that they want to celebrate my achievement but I told them that we will celebrate on the next day because I am not in the mood to go outside and I just want to lay down on my bed.
I ran downstairs, I’m looking for my mom and I saw her outside, watering the plants. We now had maids to do the household chores because of my two graduated elder sisters. And I saw my mom doing that, I can see that she was now okay. I ran towards her and kissed her on the cheek and said “Mom, I will graduate as the Magna Cum Laude” and then I saw her crying again.
It’s been ten years, I am now a Pediatrician at a big hospital here in Canada. My older sister is an English Professor, my second sister is a Civil Engineer at Singapore as well as my younger brother and our youngest sister is an International Flight Attendant. We made it.
We were now travelling at the different part of the world. And we decided to have a vacation, we are all here at our own resort with my dad. I don’t know if we are really vacationing because our faces were all serious and no one is talking as my dad is here.
All of a sudden, my mom broke the silence by abruptly standing up and again it was her first time. We all looked at her, “Enough. This is enough. I’m done with my plans so you can leave us now Charles”, she was talking to our dad with braveness filled in her eyes. My dad got shocked by what my mom states.
“What are you talking about, Melinda? We are family”
“Family? You did not treat us as your family. I endured the pain you brought us, I endured the hurtful words that was coming from your filthy mouth, I endured living with you in our house. It makes me sick. The sight of you makes me sick for how many years. And now, that all our child has a stable job, I don’t have the reason to stay with you anymore. You are now rich, go with your other family”.
My dad was looking at us, his eyes were asking if we want him to leave… And then, our eldest sister speaks, “Dad, we missed those days before you cheated on mom because on the years that had passed you are with us but we don’t know you anymore… I’m sorry, I respect mom’s decision”.
And then, my dad looked at me…
I walked towards him and gave him a hug, “Thank you, Dad, I would not be successful if you did not push me through. Thank you for giving those challenges on me, I will miss you…”, I said that wholeheartedly
My brother gave him a tapped on his shoulders, “Dad, I hope you spend more time with me…”
“I did not feel that I have a father but you made us, thanks dad”, our youngest said
“Dad, I know that you also want us to have a secured life that’s why you forced us too… I’m thankful for that but sometimes you need to be a parent too. You don’t need to pressure your children to have a perfect grade. You don’t need to make decisions in all our life because we are old enough to make decisions for it. Please, dad, just this once let us have a peaceful life that we never had… We love you no matter what because you are still our dad. I hope one day you’ll realize everything we’ve gone through”, my second sister maturely uttered
Three years ago, when we let go our father. Honestly, it was very peaceful for all of us. I thought I’ll never see my mom cry again but we heard our doorbell rang, it is New Year, our maid opened the door in the entrance of our house. We got stunned for a moment as we did not saw him for the past few years. I observed his physical structure, it is visible that my dad did get older. Yet, he seems like he has changed as his features got softened and he seems really happy.
He suddenly cried, in front of us. He bent down his knees even though he cannot bend it properly due to his old age. My heart throbbed again as I saw my father apologizing to us. We helped him to stand up. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry with what have I done. I just want you to be secured but I did not know that I’ll become a bad parent and husband. Melinda, I’m so sorry, I admit that I fell out of love during our relationship or maybe because I met Gina and my love for you is not enough to stop my love for her. I am just here to bid my goodbye and apologize to all of you properly. We decided to migrate in UK.”
Me and my siblings hug him for the last time. “We already forgave you dad”, we all said. And just like that he left us for good.
That time, my mother was just at the corner and did not say anything nor cry.
In the middle of the night, I get out to my bed because I cannot sleep. I heard those restraining sobs again and the scene is so familiar. I saw her again at that exact spot, crying again. But this time, I know that it will be her last cry.
It's you whom I've been praying for (short story)
I suddenly remembered the days when you were following me around, the days when we accidentally bumped into each other in an unexpected place, the days when you were waiting at the side of the street to make sure that I’ll be having a safe ride on my way home. It was always like that. And that was enough for me.
You were not that tall, you are not that handsome, you have a pale-white skin but I do not care about your appearance because your bright smile was enough for me to have a beautiful start of the day.
Church Day. I was wearing a blue conservative dress ending below my knees and I paired it with my white flat shoes. When I’m walking to take a seat, I instantly felt nervous yet I don’t know why. Because, usually, when I’m going to Church my emotions was always been excited. And then, fortuitously, I looked at the side where all the boy members were seated. I saw you. I saw your black mesmerizing eyes looking intently at me. And then, you smiled. You smiled like it was the best moment that you had. And it was for me too.
2 years had passed and we still don’t have a progress. I rejected all my suitors ‘coz I think that I’ll be cheating on you if I gave them a chance. Even if we don’t talk, even if I don’t have any confirmation if you have feelings for me too. I’m committing myself to you. Crazy right? But that’s me.
It was Church Day again. I walked silently to take a seat. I bowed my head and closed my eyes. At that moment, I prayed again, I silently prayed to God if it’s you whom He bestow for me.
One afternoon, after my classes you were sitting at the bench and you are talking happily with someone over your phone. I felt jealous. I started to think if you already had someone and I am just expecting that you had feelings for me too.
I was so unsure. And that sight was the cause of my sleepless night. I’m thinking of you again and again. I don’t know how do boys think. Did I just assume? That’s what I’ve been thinking for. Maybe… maybe I did and I admit it.
It was Church Day again and this time I promised to myself that I would not take a glance on you even if I already saw you on my peripheral view. I decided to forget about you. I decided to stop my heart to beat for you. Maybe you’re not the one for me. Maybe…
One year ago,
Senior High. I moved to a school with a one-hour drive. It was quite exciting. I colored my hair with a light brown and it looks good on my appearance as I have a white skin. My features got more defined and within that one-year that I tried to avoid you I think my feelings for you was gone. I was happy. I am contented with my friends who were always there to entertained me.
I’ve changed, I must say. I learned to hang-out with my friends. Most of the time, we were partying at our house or on their house. It was great. I became sociable. I am now a member of different clubs and I’m the president of few of those clubs. And my time were always spent in studying or bonding with my friends.
It was my birthday. I invited my friends to come over at my house. My friend, Liz, introduced his cousin, Drake, and so I welcomed him. My friends and I decided to have a movie marathon. I am at the kitchen preparing the snacks that they want to eat while my friends were at my room probably choosing a romantic movie in the Netflix.
“Hey,” I slightly jumped as I got surprised with the sudden approach. I turned my head, only seeing Drake. Of course, it was Drake because he only had the deep voice among us because we’re all girls except him.
“Uh, hello, what’s up?”, I response and don’t know what to say anymore.
“Uhhmm, do you mind?”, he’s pertaining to the boxes of pizza and bags of chips that I am preparing.
“Yeah, sure”, I said.
“So,,, you’re at the Science Club right?”
“Yes, actually I am almost a member of all the clubs”, I boast.
“Hahaha really? That’s awesome, I just saw you once at the Science Club”, he said smiling at me
“Oh, are you a member too? How come I don’t know you”
“Nope, I just saw you walking at the door entrance of the Science Club, sorry for the confusing words hahaha”
“So, what club do you belong?”
“I’m in the Sports Club, a basketball player” he said that like a proud man hahaha seriously this guy is so cool, I thought to myself and he seems jolly too.
For the past few weeks, after that conversation, we’re finally going out. I gave Drake a chance and this time I’m not thinking about the guy who made my high hopes.
My relationship with Drake, I should say that it is great. I mean, of course, there were flaws. We were at an argument once but it was no big deal. We rarely had a fight and the reason was just sometimes he were late to pick me up because of his training or whenever I am just not in the mood because the red flag is raising. That’s just it. He never made me cry at least once. And he always makes me feel that I am his priority. He introduced me with his whole family and his family were so warmth. And I did the same too because we want to have a blessing of our families. I like the feeling. No, I love the feeling.
Drake is a very matured man especially when handling things. And I admire him because of that. He’s one in a million.
Four years had passed, me and drake is now in our third-year college in the same University. And I am not expecting that I will see you again. Late afternoon, I’m on my way at the Main Library then you walked passed through me. I bet you did not saw me ‘coz you are busy with your phone, texting. There was this feeling again. I felt nervous.
Then, the first semester exams got started. I got busy reviewing a lot of books and Drake got busy too with his studies and training. We don’t have time to see each other. But it was alright for me.
I am at my way home walking at the side of the street because Drake has a 7pm class. I saw you, once again.
I saw you sitting at your usual bench. And you looked like you are waiting for someone. Then, I got startled when you glanced at my side. And you walked towards my direction. When you are in front of me you suddenly get my bag in my right hand. And I got surprised again with your sudden gesture. And then you talked. You talked to me for the first time.
“Hi, it’s been awhile since I last saw you”, that’s what he said. I don’t know what to reply because it feels awkward. Then, he started to walk so I followed him. I did not talk and he just kept glancing at me until we stopped in front of our gate.
When I opened our gate, I got shocked again because I saw my dad and mom looking like they expected us to be there. And I got confused because they let him in. What is happening here?! I think my brain will explode in no time. They are at the living room and I’m looking questioningly at my parents.
“Sweet, come here”, my mom patted the seat beside her.
“What is happening here? Why is he here? Do you know him?”, I asked them while sitting at the couch.
“Well, ehem”, my dad coughed to get started. “When you were at your middle school, Aaron asked for our permission to court you when you’re at your right age. And so, we appreciate his effort to ask us first before you. But your mom and I did not expect that you will get a guy in your sweet sixteen. However, we saw that you’re so happy with Drake and I just want you to know that we’ll respect your decision of whom you will choose between them”. My brain cells were not functioning.
“Jane, I am in love with you and I know that you knew that so I hope you will give me a chance”, Aaron carefully said.
“What? What are you talking about? I never knew that you love me”, I said casually
“I followed you around, I was waiting at the bench to made sure that you will get home safe, I was glancing at you at the church, I was smiling at you… So, I thought you knew”, he said
“For two years, I’ve been waiting for you to just at least talked to me but it never came from your mouth. And in that afternoon, I saw you talking happily with your phone and I thought you already had someone but now I realized how immature I was. I’ve changed. I’ve changed together with Drake. We’ve changed together. I loved you Aaron, but that was just in the past.”
I am at the church and Drake is with me. I bowed and pray to God, “God, thank you for giving him to me.”
The Pursuit of Happiness
The pursuit of happiness. How can we pursue happiness? Socrates believes that by fully knowing oneself a person will be able to achieve happiness as men’s goal is to obtain happiness and such goal motivates us to act towards or avoid things that could have negative repercussions in our lives.
A kid’s eyes were so innocent, playing with their friends, their smile is brighter than the light of the sun and running endlessly with freedom. It was always like that until they have reached their adulting stage. By experiencing the challenges in life, many people would say, “I miss being a kid”, even me.
When we are at the age of maturity, there are countless thoughts running in our minds. We like to do that, we want to become like this or we want to achieve even the littlest things that we might not be able to have. But I do believe that people with big dreams are the people who are difficult to deal with. They set those goals, we are setting goals having a reason to continue to live.
However, we may come across a great number of problems. We may fail or succeed, it is either of the two. Yet, the question is if what we will do if we fail? Are you going to give up or fight? Are you going to choose to be stuck and not move forward or you will take a step on that stairs of hope? And if you succeed, are you going to be happy? Are you going to feel the contentment? Or are you going to find another goal to explore the cruelty of life?
Some people consider material things as their happiness in life and some were not as they feel contented of what they have. How can we pursue the real meaning of happiness? And I am asking that question for myself too. Honestly, I do not know the answer. So, I observed, I looked at the people who were walking at the street. I can see different expressions that were so hard to read.
A father whom smiling with his child, hiding those burden in his back because he wants his child to have a secured life.
An old-woman alone thinking she has no one to hold onto but there is this child who helped her to walk on the other side of the street.
Those vendors at the market trying to get the attention of the customers passing by with the sweat on their foreheads even so they are still wearing that pleasing facial expression to make a living. It was hard to watched but I felt the happiness inside me by seeing them.
Socrates also posited that possession of knowledge is a virtue and that ignorance is a depravity, that a person’s acceptance of ignorance is the beginning of acquisition of knowledge. So, one must first have the humility to acknowledge one’s ignorance so as to be able to know what he is lacking and what he needs to know.
People starts with ignorance. All our life, we are asking a lot of questions and up to this time a few still do not have answers. We are curious about innumerable things, we questioned ourselves today and on the next day we have a new question again. In spite of that, it is our path to gain knowledge on something.
We were searching and searching for answers. The most common question is, “Who are we? Do we know ourselves?”, even if we demand a great exertion of effort, we still cannot answer this. Why? For the reason that we are still alive. Through time, we changed and at the present time is still changing. You can define your attitude, characteristic or personality but you cannot define who you are. But one thing is for sure, you are you.
“An unexamined life is not worth living”, it is this quote that keeps me going. I want my life to be worth living. I want to find my purpose why I am living. There are people who says, “Why doing such things if you will just die in the end?”. I hate those people. They are discouraging humans to persevere. Stop living or exploring is like you end your life. The world is beautiful although it is survival of the fittest out there. And maybe, just maybe, you will find yourself somewhere. It is a matter of perspective if you will choose to explore or remain to be ignorant.
Socrates supposed that the answer to our pursuit in knowing ourselves lies in our own abilities and wisdom, and that the only way for us to understand ourselves is though internal questioning or introspection.
This world is our playground, we are allowed to gamble, it is our privilege. Did you ever ask yourself if you are being wise with those abilities that you have? With so many years that you have live what information did you get? Did you use it well?
It is a circumstance of choice, if you will find yourself or not. Open those doors, enter each of them. There will be a door that is easy to find the way out, there will be a door that have many hindrances to pull you and there will be a door that you have anything that you want until it lures you not to go out.
It is so effortless to ask ourselves who we are otherwise it is burdensome to understand who we truly are.
Sometimes, I am asking myself of what I really want. A nurse? A doctor? A writer? A photographer? A businesswoman? I was confused because I want to be all of those. But I want to care for my parents too when they get older, I want to be a supporting sister with my siblings, I want to be the best friend of my best friend and I always want to be the sweetest granddaughter of my grandparents.
Socrates made me realized something that we can have all what we want. Discovering ourselves may take time or forever nevertheless we need to survive and continue to live.
“Walk slowly through your journey”
Make them aware
Different clients, different attitude that we may encounter. We need to communicate, build relationships and have a long patience to avoid conflicts and make them understand what we are saying. In our everyday lives, we might hear a lot of questions about their health because some of them are curious about their own health. Someone will possibly ask why did he suddenly fainted? Why his blood pressure is so low than normal? Why is her 60-year-old mother being so sleepy even if it is daylight? There is a lot of questions that we, nurses, may be able to help them to get answers.
Health Education is appropriately relevant for everyone’s awareness. In my own perspective, it is significant for us to set a criterion on how we can teach anyone about their health. The first thing that we need to do is to observe and determine the learning style of the client. By doing this, it may be an advantage for us because we can think of a plan on how we will approach and how can we start to educate them. If the client seems like approachable, we can talk to them personally or a face-to-face consultation. But there are clients who prefer to read or watch, might be an introvert, or just do not want to talk, we can give them a book or searching sites about their health with the do’s and don’ts including a tip for a healthy lifestyle.
In this present life, technology have a big part in our existence. Then why not use this to share knowledge to our clients? It is a clever idea to posts on various social media concerning health topics. And it is a real for benefit us, nurses or healthcare professionals, as it is faster to spread our knowledge so that we may be able to assist and help our clients with such different aspects.
Another criterion that is on my mind is the interests of our clients. We need their response, we need to make them ask us a question about what we have been explaining to them as this serves as a feedback or a sign that they are interested on the subject that we are talking about. Apparently, if they did not ask questions, then we are the one who need to ask them questions with the purpose to ensure that they listen and understand the matter.
Furthermore, we may run into clients with disabilities and we must consider their limitations. For instance, the client is deaf consequently, we need to have an interpreter beside us or use some signs and gestures in such a way, he will figure out what we are demonstrating.
Most importantly, we need to include their family members resulting in more understanding and achieve a proper management about their health. It is essential that they have a guide, support or can be a prohibitor from their family regarding with their health as some clients are stubborn or having an adjustment with their new healthy lifestyle.
By following all these criteria, health educators will be an effective educator to an individual and communities. And according to the literature of Touro University Worldwide, it can help to empower all our clients to live healthier by improving their physical, mental, emotional and social health by increasing their knowledge and influencing their attitudes about caring for their well-being.
“Having a healthy lifestyle means you have self-care and self-love”
Feel free to ask me questions about your health, I might be able to help😁
Cannot be independent (short story)
Toxic. It’s all been toxic. I don’t know what happened but I felt that everything and anything I do was all limited. That’s why I decided to left our home. I just… I just want to be independent but I don’t know how to start or where to start. I’m just a college student for Pete’s sake!
I’m here at my bestfriend’s condo for a while because I have nowhere to go. And the only plan that I had was apply for a part time job to sustain all my needs. To be honest, I regret my decision to ran away from home but I want to be free and do things all by myself to prove something. It’s selfish isn’t it? You’re probably thinking now how dumb I am coz’ I’m too immature for my age.
“Hey, stop those heavy sighs, will you? Why did you made this impulsive decision if you’re just going to regret afterwards? Tsk tsk” Lexie rolled her eyes at me, making me feel more regretful ugh…
“Come on, are you really my bestfriend or what?”
“Of course, I’m your bestfriend duh, Jo, I just want you to realize that you need to put down your pride and go home to your parents…” she said that very carefully trying not to offend me by her choice of words and I really appreciate that I’m so lucky to have her
“Lex, you’re right but I can’t breathe there”, I complained
“Can’t you just wait until we graduate? I know that you know that there’s a 99 percent possibility that you can’t graduate without your parents financial support duh our tuition is high as your pride”, she joked and earned a smack from me
“Alright, alright, you won”
And so that night, I drove to our home and apologize to my parents because of my disrespectful act. Unbelievably, they just replied that it was okay and pat my head like when I was four-year old. I cried that night and consoling myself that I can become a great doctor soon.
One-hour of sleep
First week of our second semester and I'm already exhausted. Being a nursing student is hard, well, every course were hard. And everyone of us are striving to be at the peak of the mountain.
Today, I do only have one-hour of sleep as my different professors with their designated subjects gave us a lot of homeworks, readings and we have a quiz on our next meeting. I need to admit that it really sucks sometimes but I must be committed on what I am studying right now because I want to save lives, I want to be on that white coat, I want my sympathetic nervous system to function.
Walking at the supermarket, watching television on our living room, jogging on the street, and when my dad drives everywhere, I can hear the siren of ambulance. It makes me sad. And the only thing that I can do is pray for them.
I remember when the first week of our class started. We already had a conflict maybe because we're first years (reasons)? The president of our block asked us to vote on our Anaphy subject, the choices were, first, if we want a six-hours of synchronous class(online) or six-hours of a recorded discussion. I voted for six-hours of a recorded discussion that time because I think it will be an advantage for all of us as we can repeat the video again and again. But one of my blockmates chat on our GC (GroupChat) on messenger, "who's sane person will watch a six-hour recorded video, duh, even on a movie marathon you will feel sleepy". He has a point, I said to myself but I can't understand why would he felt sleepy? That's absurd. I felt the urge to argue with him. So I replied in our GC and type, "what? why will you feel sleepy? Then why did you chose this course?We need to take things seriously here, we are not in middle school anymore".
And then, our adviser break our little argument. She said that, "We, healthcare professionals, should know what we do and why we do it. We even do not have time to cry for those patients who had lost their lives. We need to be responsible, to save lives, and the word "death" should not be on our vocabulary."
Solitude
Wake up, I've been feeling so alone
Without you is just like a storm,
Waiting here with you all day long
'Cause you left me with no choice
In an empty space,
I just stared at the blank
Silence filled my ears
Wondering when will you come back
It's you all I've really wanted
I can't speak nor cry
All I feel is being numb
Why do you have to leave
Without even saying goodbye?
SOLITUDE
Wake up, I've been feeling so alone
Without you is just like a storm,
Waiting here with you all day long
'Cause you left me without no choice
In an empty space,
I just stared at the blank
Silence filled my ears
Wondering when will you come back
It's you all I've really wanted
I can't speak nor cry
All I feel is being numb
Why do you have to leave
Without even saying Goodbye?
@sweetnurse
