@ruza17 19 September 2020

A sure path to greater self-confidence

How is it possible to see mistakes so easily and focus only on them? Why is it so hard for me to see what I'm doing well? These are questions I often hear from a lot of people. The answer to both questions is very simple - the school system has taught us that. It would be a miracle if all of us who have undergone a decade of "treatment" in a system focused on looking for mistakes and punishing for them have healthy and strong self-confidence. What is true, correct and well done is taken for granted. Errors and omissions are sought. And when we finish school, we continue that "treatment" ourselves. We are simply not taught otherwise. We think that this is the only possible and correct way of functioning. And it's not! Not only is it not the only one possible, but it is not even correct! He is very wrong. And harmful! If you are focused only on your mistakes and omissions, it is logical that you feel unsuccessful and inadequate.

I believe that you are familiar with this picture. And I believe that you are familiar with the feeling of failure that follows when everything you have done wrong is highlighted in red. Well, imagine something completely different now. Imagine that at school they marked everything that was accurate and well done with a green pencil. Like this

One of my friends did just that while teaching her daughter to write. And what do you think were the results? More importantly, how do you think her daughter felt while learning the letters? When we focus on what we do well, our self-confidence grows over time. It becomes firm and healthy. This does not mean that we should lie and deceive ourselves that what we are doing is perfect from the first. Not. It is important to be aware of our mistakes and omissions in order to correct them. The key difference is the fact that we do not focus only on mistakes. And not to be afraid of mistakes. Mistakes are not proof of our incompetence. Mistakes are proof that we learn and work. I will repeat, from an early age we have been taught to take things for granted and to always look for mistakes. How can we change that? By setting ourselves every day and in everything we do, we remind ourselves what is good and exactly what we have done. In the beginning, it is not easy. In fact, as simple as it sounds, it goes pretty hard. Don’t let that discourage you. If you only remember one little thing that you did well to begin with, it is also a huge success. Over time, little by little, you will learn and become accustomed to seeing what is good before mistakes and omissions. It is much easier to accept a mistake when we know that not everything we do is wrong. Therefore, in addition to the usual, red pencil with which we mark our mistakes every day, we try to use this other, green pencil as often as possible.